Married 38 years to same young lady. There is no tally sheet between us, vis-a-vis 'fairness.' Even trying to go that route is a zero-sum game because scripturally, being 'one flesh' leaves no room for second opinions.
When we start or attempt to measure our partner's 'worth' by what they do, don't do or what's in it for me, we've already opened the door to failure. These aren't things that we should be entertaining as couples.
The early stages of married life are usually the hardest because of this - because we are used to comparing, evaluating and measuring how much effort 'they' are putting into the marriage. When two individuals remain individuals, then this is sure to continue. For the men, the real hard work of a marriage is sacrificing all of yourself for her--your time, your energies, your attention and your interests. This will take some time, and none of us get it 100% right.
If you don't, and if instead of her, you marry your career, sacrificing her for your own selfish interests, then trouble follows. She's not your mother. She's not just a friend who comes over to wash dishes, mop floors and pickup your laundry. You are called to honor, respect and sacrifice yourself for her as Christ sacrificed Himself for the church.
Women- you were created at the very start as a companion and helper for your man. If you're already finding yourself objecting to that, then you are already separated. Helping your husband often means observing when things are needing correction, and gently helping him correct. Being committed means throwing away those worldly measuring sticks of 'fairness.' Be forthright, speak from your heart without seeking to wound, because wound the relationship you will. You're a big part of him, whether he's adept at showing it or not. If he's 'walking on eggshells' it's because he still cares and may lack the trust in you needed to honestly share issues openly.
Why would that be?
Honestly, if you've been eviscerating him in word and action, why would he dare open up? If you have some broken notion of what a marriage is, he will likely never meet your spoken or unspoken expectations, especially if you're used to throwing everything he says back in his face.
Two pilots at the controls of the same aircraft must quickly decide who will steer while the other helps--like navigate and communicate.
Two pilots attempting to steer simultaneously won't end well.
I've got zero-sympathy for these Karens. It's funny, though, how they keep each other single with notoriously bad advice like, "You go girl. You're a Queen who deserves better. Never settle!"
They've destroyed far more than their marriages. It will take Western civilization at least several more decades to heal from a century of feminism.
Many younger women are starting to get it, and do not envy their elder sisters. Still, it's tough to find marriage material nowadays.
Meanwhile, men are learning that no marriage is better than a bad marriage. Although women love to pretend that they don't need no man, the hard truth is that it's the men who need women less ... and less.
I read an article on an emag, this was about 20 years ago when they were a thing. This emag was aimed at educated professional women. A book had come out called ‘Just Settle’. A woman said she stopped looking for a Prince Charming with a $250,000 job, a six pack, handsome, funny, and writes poetry….and married her husband. Who was good, not great. The article was a review of the book. The women commenting were nuts. One woman said her husband was over 6’ tall, made $250 a year, was handsome and good in bed, and a great father. But she wasn’t into him. She felt she deserved better. He wS nice to her too. No real
Complaints. The other commenters were ‘you deserve more, you deserve to be happy’ and so on. I responded with ‘you have a guy in the upper 1% of guys. Most women would kill to be in your position. You are late 30s and would be a single Mom to two kids about to hit their teens. And you think you deserve more, and you’ll get it? If you don’t love him it is you. If you had been devoted you would now love him. That is what devotion does. Your heart expands. You leave him and ten years from now you will be pushing 50, dating losers. And your ex will be with an upgrade of your younger self’. Of course everyone went nuts. But there are a lot of women who insanely overvalue themselves.
Imo it’s even more than what was addressed in your op ed; had they a large extended family around, she would have gotten the assistance she needed with the children and they could have suggested that she hire someone to help with the cleaning. Imo this is one of the consequence of exporting manufacturing jobs out; it forced families to move away from each other to where the jobs were.
Lawrence is just as responsible for the collapse of his family by being passive aggressive and taking her crap without any pushback. “Walking on eggshells?” What kind of man does that? Im happy my husband does not let me go too far or get lost in my selfish emotions. He does this by pushing back. I also have ways of punishing his bad behavior. We keep ea other in check. We fight sometimes but it’s healthy as no resentments fester. Men should not be scared of making women cry.
The problem is that wives can always play the feminist card, and accuse him of "abuse". A wife having a bad hair day can call a feminist lawyer in the morning, and have her husband eveicted from the home by nightfall. There is no protection for men from that.
We are paid well, good benefits, etc. and these middle aged women all blow up their marriages. You can almost hear them say, “why do I need him? I can get by alone now.”
And I think it hits them a few years later that they aren’t 25 or even 35. They’re 47, they’re 52. Fair or not, you’re not as valuable as a mate past a certain date.
For the last few years they’ve all been jumping at me as the only single (divorced) male of a certain ethnicity available. And I turn them away. Attractive, charming, fun. It doesn’t matter. I can’t trust you. You did something stupid and adolescent, and now you regret it, and you’re desperate and lonely. I can’t waste my time on you. I know I’m getting old, I’d rather not spend two years dealing with things you should have left at college, then splitting up.
Being treated as second class citizens, our role as mother has been diminished and devalued. The sacred female destroyed.
We now live in an industrial and capitalistic world. Cutthroat and ruthless. Exploiting all of God’s creation.
We have been depicted as stupid, weak and hysterical… and evil, since the day Eve took an apple.. lol
Church, another ego driven boys club.. just like politics. Woman was reduced and removed…
It’s a mans world and look at where it has gotten us….
We simply were not made to serve men.
Today a woman should run the household, raise the kids, work, look like a movie star and after serving a dinner give the Mr. a blowjob and become a porn star.. 🤮
if there was a patriarchy, women would fight wars, and men would be exempt. There would be far more funding for prostate cancer than breast cancer. Husbands would be able to evict their wives from the home without dur process of law. The fact that the reality is exactly the opposite shows that we are in a matriarchy, not a patriarchy.
Women have it incredibly easy and are coddled at every turn in her life. Yet she will strive to fuck up her own life as well as everyone around her, because she feels a little sad one day. The anecdote in the story above is so common as to be comical. Women are the oldest teenagers in the house
This happened to me last December. I couldn’t believe the things she was saying. It was an explicit rejection of our marriage and everything we were. I was utterly stunned. Words can’t express how crushed I was. And she moved out and left me with the kids.
Honestly, I felt like a single father before. And now I am one.
A good habit is to switch to concern, if possible, after an emotional blow out. Never take an emotional explosion from a woman personally. Apathy is the sign of "she's done" from a woman, not anger. They usually feel like enough of a jackass later all by themselves when you don't engage with the same energy. Use that "I" language psychology as well when engaging. "What would you like for me to do?" " No, I will not stop x,y,z, but I can set a bit of time for you to do your thing if you need a bit of a break from kids/chores/etc."
It depends on what you mean by "covenant". God (according to scripture) only allows for divorce in two instances. Now this is an allowance; it does not mean that you are required to divorce, just that you are allowed to.
1. Sexual sin (Matthew 5:32; 19:9). The most common example is infidelity. I believe that persistent sexual refusal falls into that category also (1 Corinthians 7:3-5).
2. Abandonment by an unbeliever (1 Corinthians 7:15). The actual, physical departure of a spouse (they have physically departed from the home) and it has been made clear that they do not intend to return.
Any divorce other than for those two reasons is sin.
If you read 1 Peter 2:19-25, you will see where the Apostle Peter tells us that as Christians, we are all called to suffer in this life and that Christ was our example in how we are to deal with suffering. He tells us that if, out of a conscience for God, we endure suffering for doing what is right, that brings us favor from God.
In the very next breath, he tells wives to submit to their husbands and to treat them with good and respectful behavior, even if the husband is being disobedient to the word, and (in the same way as a slave to a bad master) even if it causes her to suffer. Wives are told that this is the way that a (disobedient) husband might be won over as he observes your good and respectful behavior.
But it only brings favor from God if you are suffering for doing what is right (what God tells you to do). If you are suffering for doing what is wrong (sin), you are just bringing the suffering upon yourself and you are getting what you deserve.
If you divorce your husband for any other reason than the two that God allows for, you will be in sin and just bring more suffering on yourself and your family.
Question is, are you really a believer in God? (1 John 2:3-4)
Do you love Him enough to obey him? (John 14:15)
"For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands; just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear." (1 Peter 3:5-6)
"Anyhow, this is yet another reminder of the intrinsic eucivilizational superiority of Christian culture. Whether it is the concept of Man being fallen, the principle of forgiveness, or the fear of Divine judgment, a Christian woman is far more likely to refrain from the temptations to blow up her marriage than a non-Christian woman."
Conspicuous by omission: "obey".
There's quite a bit on Marital relationships in the Bible worth investigating, with a good translation and study of what words meant in ancient times!
Where do we get the data for marriages versus divorces? Seems mostly it's been simplistic, based on the ratio of divorces to marriages in a given year, which does not track marriages themselves. That's the only way I can see to measure the failure rate, not boomer summaries like "half of all end in divorce" BS.
I think whatever rate is out there now will be so skewed because of the dearth of new marriages the past decade or so. Really serious social flaw.
I don’t understand why a secular person would engage in marriage. Marriage is a reflection of Christ and His Bride, the church.
Married 38 years to same young lady. There is no tally sheet between us, vis-a-vis 'fairness.' Even trying to go that route is a zero-sum game because scripturally, being 'one flesh' leaves no room for second opinions.
When we start or attempt to measure our partner's 'worth' by what they do, don't do or what's in it for me, we've already opened the door to failure. These aren't things that we should be entertaining as couples.
The early stages of married life are usually the hardest because of this - because we are used to comparing, evaluating and measuring how much effort 'they' are putting into the marriage. When two individuals remain individuals, then this is sure to continue. For the men, the real hard work of a marriage is sacrificing all of yourself for her--your time, your energies, your attention and your interests. This will take some time, and none of us get it 100% right.
If you don't, and if instead of her, you marry your career, sacrificing her for your own selfish interests, then trouble follows. She's not your mother. She's not just a friend who comes over to wash dishes, mop floors and pickup your laundry. You are called to honor, respect and sacrifice yourself for her as Christ sacrificed Himself for the church.
Women- you were created at the very start as a companion and helper for your man. If you're already finding yourself objecting to that, then you are already separated. Helping your husband often means observing when things are needing correction, and gently helping him correct. Being committed means throwing away those worldly measuring sticks of 'fairness.' Be forthright, speak from your heart without seeking to wound, because wound the relationship you will. You're a big part of him, whether he's adept at showing it or not. If he's 'walking on eggshells' it's because he still cares and may lack the trust in you needed to honestly share issues openly.
Why would that be?
Honestly, if you've been eviscerating him in word and action, why would he dare open up? If you have some broken notion of what a marriage is, he will likely never meet your spoken or unspoken expectations, especially if you're used to throwing everything he says back in his face.
Two pilots at the controls of the same aircraft must quickly decide who will steer while the other helps--like navigate and communicate.
Two pilots attempting to steer simultaneously won't end well.
Work it out, then commit to it.
I've got zero-sympathy for these Karens. It's funny, though, how they keep each other single with notoriously bad advice like, "You go girl. You're a Queen who deserves better. Never settle!"
They've destroyed far more than their marriages. It will take Western civilization at least several more decades to heal from a century of feminism.
Many younger women are starting to get it, and do not envy their elder sisters. Still, it's tough to find marriage material nowadays.
Meanwhile, men are learning that no marriage is better than a bad marriage. Although women love to pretend that they don't need no man, the hard truth is that it's the men who need women less ... and less.
Without reading, I’ll answer in one word, materialism.
I’ll post again after reading
I read an article on an emag, this was about 20 years ago when they were a thing. This emag was aimed at educated professional women. A book had come out called ‘Just Settle’. A woman said she stopped looking for a Prince Charming with a $250,000 job, a six pack, handsome, funny, and writes poetry….and married her husband. Who was good, not great. The article was a review of the book. The women commenting were nuts. One woman said her husband was over 6’ tall, made $250 a year, was handsome and good in bed, and a great father. But she wasn’t into him. She felt she deserved better. He wS nice to her too. No real
Complaints. The other commenters were ‘you deserve more, you deserve to be happy’ and so on. I responded with ‘you have a guy in the upper 1% of guys. Most women would kill to be in your position. You are late 30s and would be a single Mom to two kids about to hit their teens. And you think you deserve more, and you’ll get it? If you don’t love him it is you. If you had been devoted you would now love him. That is what devotion does. Your heart expands. You leave him and ten years from now you will be pushing 50, dating losers. And your ex will be with an upgrade of your younger self’. Of course everyone went nuts. But there are a lot of women who insanely overvalue themselves.
Imo it’s even more than what was addressed in your op ed; had they a large extended family around, she would have gotten the assistance she needed with the children and they could have suggested that she hire someone to help with the cleaning. Imo this is one of the consequence of exporting manufacturing jobs out; it forced families to move away from each other to where the jobs were.
Lawrence is just as responsible for the collapse of his family by being passive aggressive and taking her crap without any pushback. “Walking on eggshells?” What kind of man does that? Im happy my husband does not let me go too far or get lost in my selfish emotions. He does this by pushing back. I also have ways of punishing his bad behavior. We keep ea other in check. We fight sometimes but it’s healthy as no resentments fester. Men should not be scared of making women cry.
The problem is that wives can always play the feminist card, and accuse him of "abuse". A wife having a bad hair day can call a feminist lawyer in the morning, and have her husband eveicted from the home by nightfall. There is no protection for men from that.
not every woman who foolishly blows up their marriage is a full blown sociopath. Nothing will help you if you married a person like that.
This man's proximate error was taking anything his wife said seriously.
His medium-term error, however, was wifely neglect.
God gave man woman as a companion; to enjoy, to lead, to build upon.
That's why they are made of water, the will take the shape of any vessel into which she is poured.
He allowed his wife to live in a toxic environment. There should be no surprise that toxicity was returned.
One could reasonably conclude that her anger was a reaction, a call to action, a plea for her husband to lead her into a better place.
His fundamental error, however, was self-neglect. Neglect of the spirit.
Solitude for self-reflection, lifting for humility, and time in the company of similar men.
That is where such insights become clear.
Schedule them.
The return on that investment is far higher than any money you might otherwise earn.
Interesting reply
I can say I see this in my workplace every day.
We are paid well, good benefits, etc. and these middle aged women all blow up their marriages. You can almost hear them say, “why do I need him? I can get by alone now.”
And I think it hits them a few years later that they aren’t 25 or even 35. They’re 47, they’re 52. Fair or not, you’re not as valuable as a mate past a certain date.
For the last few years they’ve all been jumping at me as the only single (divorced) male of a certain ethnicity available. And I turn them away. Attractive, charming, fun. It doesn’t matter. I can’t trust you. You did something stupid and adolescent, and now you regret it, and you’re desperate and lonely. I can’t waste my time on you. I know I’m getting old, I’d rather not spend two years dealing with things you should have left at college, then splitting up.
Centuries of oppressive patriarchy.
Most women do not realize how fed up they are.
Being treated as second class citizens, our role as mother has been diminished and devalued. The sacred female destroyed.
We now live in an industrial and capitalistic world. Cutthroat and ruthless. Exploiting all of God’s creation.
We have been depicted as stupid, weak and hysterical… and evil, since the day Eve took an apple.. lol
Church, another ego driven boys club.. just like politics. Woman was reduced and removed…
It’s a mans world and look at where it has gotten us….
We simply were not made to serve men.
Today a woman should run the household, raise the kids, work, look like a movie star and after serving a dinner give the Mr. a blowjob and become a porn star.. 🤮
No wonder it’s become insane.
if there was a patriarchy, women would fight wars, and men would be exempt. There would be far more funding for prostate cancer than breast cancer. Husbands would be able to evict their wives from the home without dur process of law. The fact that the reality is exactly the opposite shows that we are in a matriarchy, not a patriarchy.
Women have it incredibly easy and are coddled at every turn in her life. Yet she will strive to fuck up her own life as well as everyone around her, because she feels a little sad one day. The anecdote in the story above is so common as to be comical. Women are the oldest teenagers in the house
Those are the results we see today. After centuries of oppression and abuse.
You would't dare say this to me face.
I wish you could meet me.
Don't ever put us all in one box!
I rest my case.
You were never oppressed
Assuming.. are we?
Not sure what is worse, your arrogance or your ignorance...
take care
You will finish your days in the company of cats and box wine. Have fun with that.
This happened to me last December. I couldn’t believe the things she was saying. It was an explicit rejection of our marriage and everything we were. I was utterly stunned. Words can’t express how crushed I was. And she moved out and left me with the kids.
Honestly, I felt like a single father before. And now I am one.
A good habit is to switch to concern, if possible, after an emotional blow out. Never take an emotional explosion from a woman personally. Apathy is the sign of "she's done" from a woman, not anger. They usually feel like enough of a jackass later all by themselves when you don't engage with the same energy. Use that "I" language psychology as well when engaging. "What would you like for me to do?" " No, I will not stop x,y,z, but I can set a bit of time for you to do your thing if you need a bit of a break from kids/chores/etc."
It depends on what you mean by "covenant". God (according to scripture) only allows for divorce in two instances. Now this is an allowance; it does not mean that you are required to divorce, just that you are allowed to.
1. Sexual sin (Matthew 5:32; 19:9). The most common example is infidelity. I believe that persistent sexual refusal falls into that category also (1 Corinthians 7:3-5).
2. Abandonment by an unbeliever (1 Corinthians 7:15). The actual, physical departure of a spouse (they have physically departed from the home) and it has been made clear that they do not intend to return.
Any divorce other than for those two reasons is sin.
If you read 1 Peter 2:19-25, you will see where the Apostle Peter tells us that as Christians, we are all called to suffer in this life and that Christ was our example in how we are to deal with suffering. He tells us that if, out of a conscience for God, we endure suffering for doing what is right, that brings us favor from God.
In the very next breath, he tells wives to submit to their husbands and to treat them with good and respectful behavior, even if the husband is being disobedient to the word, and (in the same way as a slave to a bad master) even if it causes her to suffer. Wives are told that this is the way that a (disobedient) husband might be won over as he observes your good and respectful behavior.
But it only brings favor from God if you are suffering for doing what is right (what God tells you to do). If you are suffering for doing what is wrong (sin), you are just bringing the suffering upon yourself and you are getting what you deserve.
If you divorce your husband for any other reason than the two that God allows for, you will be in sin and just bring more suffering on yourself and your family.
Question is, are you really a believer in God? (1 John 2:3-4)
Do you love Him enough to obey him? (John 14:15)
"For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands; just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear." (1 Peter 3:5-6)
"Anyhow, this is yet another reminder of the intrinsic eucivilizational superiority of Christian culture. Whether it is the concept of Man being fallen, the principle of forgiveness, or the fear of Divine judgment, a Christian woman is far more likely to refrain from the temptations to blow up her marriage than a non-Christian woman."
Conspicuous by omission: "obey".
There's quite a bit on Marital relationships in the Bible worth investigating, with a good translation and study of what words meant in ancient times!
Where do we get the data for marriages versus divorces? Seems mostly it's been simplistic, based on the ratio of divorces to marriages in a given year, which does not track marriages themselves. That's the only way I can see to measure the failure rate, not boomer summaries like "half of all end in divorce" BS.
I think whatever rate is out there now will be so skewed because of the dearth of new marriages the past decade or so. Really serious social flaw.
What a moronic misogynistic post.
What is misogynistic about sharing a woman's anecdote in her own words?
Hardly-a very recognizable scenario.
Certain Brainsets can't be fixed.
A person is what a person is.
Your comment tells it all.
I'd be slightly interested in why you bothered to post, I'd presume it was just advertising your own blog. Won't work here.
Always nice to hear from the retards. Perhaps you just need another antidepressant.
Highly insightful and original comment. Not sure what we would do without your contribution!