People usually have a pretty good understanding of their own problems, a person who thinks they have a simple solution usually doesn’t know all the factors a person is dealing with.
Most often helping someone is very self motivated if not malicious, as is the case with the Clowns "helping" Ukraine win an unwinnable war.
Beyond the self-serving cases, the people who need help the most never seem to learn. This is often why they need the help in the first place. They quite happily take the help to engage even more in what they were doing wrong to begin with. It is a lost cause.
I gotta admit, and this might be the Gamma in me so please ignore me if I'm wrong, I am really tired of all the bloviating about problems. It appears as though very few people want to help themselves and many people just want to complain about their problems.
There are more problems in the world then there are solutions, so naturally the discussion will gravitate towards problems. It’s important to have a proper understanding of the problem—and not your imaginary or delusional perception of the problem, Mr. Gamma—before a solution can be discussed.
So say we all. Unfortunately, most people would rather whine and cry than even attempt a solution. If all the people who preferred to cry about Wikipedia had contributed to Infogalactic instead, Wikipedia would have been left in the dust.
But it's easier to cry about an article you can't edit than simply edit it yourself.
> who are most eager to avoid providing any help when it is actually requested of them
That's because if they respond to a direct request for help they can't take credit for coming up with their brilliant solution. The unsolicited offer of help has more benefit for the giver than the recipient
The futility of unsolicited advice is best realized in the reaction to solicited advice. Over the years, I have repeatedly been asked for advice by the less fit on how to begin the journey to physical wellness. Invariably, my answer is "Start with two things. First, do what you need to do to get a good night's sleep. Second, go for a walk after dinner." Invariably, the very dissatisfied response is: "What? No. I want to know how you do it." And there it is, the Kung Fu Panda moment missed with them failing to realize that there is no secret sauce. The seeker of advice typically wants a shortcut to avoid having to renounce old ways.
Great article, keep up the good work sir the SSH is invaluable!
Off topic, but I was wondering if Dale Carnegie’s ‘how to win friends and influence people’ could be considered as a good manual for managing / building relationships with deltas?
Also, will the SSH book include advice on how to manage & build relationships with other ranks?
That's true, Vox. But meddling in other people's problems is easier and more entertaining than fixing mine.
On the topic of self-improvement, I've found a website that's been pretty useful on that front. Self-Max. Going through the guided exercises has helped me start a diet, and make other needed changes to solve my problems.
If anyone has some suggestions for books or other resources to aid self-improvement please share them.
If you have a specific area you’re looking to improve in, hire a coach. They’re more expensive but far more effective. If it’s fitness, for example, hire a personal trainer. Having someone speak to you face to face about the topic is much more effective than reading a book in cases like these.
I think "wanting to help" is mainly a Delta/Gamma/Women problem - Omegas, for example, don't have enough interest in other people's problems to be inclined to offer help.
Some people are so eager to interfere in other people's lives and appear intelligent and helpful that they'll start by pointing out obvious solutions to problems - as if you're retarded. Never does it enter into their head that if something appears obvious it is highly likely you've already considered it.
You are correct that some people points out the obvious because of vanity. If an INFJ points out the obvious, please don't assume that the motivation is vanity. They often struggle to remember that other people have thoughts the same way an INTJ often struggle to remember that other people have feelings. Personally I find both endearing.
While you're probably correct that some personality types are more prone to "helping" that is not really relevant when discussing the SSH or human behavior in general. It's patterns of behavior that is being discussed because those patterns are the only thing we can work with - your personality is not going to change. Yes, some people are more guilty of offering unsolicited and/or obvious suggestions. No, nobody cares what combination of letters said suggester identifies as nor do they much care what the reasons for offering advice are.
No one owes anyone anything, but that is no reason to unnecessarily be a dick. No Name makes a valid point that social interactions go more smoothly if you have empathy
Of course they don't owe me remembering anything. Remembering can however make social interactions smoother, and it can avoid misunderstandings. That may or may not be important to you.
Yeah. And they feel like you're the stupid one if you give them the TLDR one sentence answer. Or that you're making excuses if you give them the long, detailed answer.
I honestly haven't found a good way to socially say, "You're too stupid to understand the problem my dear friend, but I appreciate your friendship. Will you please just shut up and enjoy my company?"
A few of my coworkers and I developed a code phrase for just such a situation: “Sounds good.” It is the office equivalent of “bless your heart.” I’d hear a guy on the phone and he’d end the call with “ok, sounds good” and it was the signal that everything he just heard was retarded. Even better to get a Reply To All email with the entirety of the text being “Sounds good.” We’d all know.
"And ironically, it is often those who are observably least suited to provide useful advice to others who are most inclined to do so."
Yeah, I'm always amused by the fat chicks telling me their weight loss tips. It's a weekly occurrence.
People usually have a pretty good understanding of their own problems, a person who thinks they have a simple solution usually doesn’t know all the factors a person is dealing with.
Dark Lord nails it again.
Most often helping someone is very self motivated if not malicious, as is the case with the Clowns "helping" Ukraine win an unwinnable war.
Beyond the self-serving cases, the people who need help the most never seem to learn. This is often why they need the help in the first place. They quite happily take the help to engage even more in what they were doing wrong to begin with. It is a lost cause.
Clowns are helping themselves to US tax dollars and increasing chaos and satanism.
Their lies are called Shibboleth. Something they say to trick their hosts.
But have you tried unplugging the SSH and plugging it back in again?
I gotta admit, and this might be the Gamma in me so please ignore me if I'm wrong, I am really tired of all the bloviating about problems. It appears as though very few people want to help themselves and many people just want to complain about their problems.
There are more problems in the world then there are solutions, so naturally the discussion will gravitate towards problems. It’s important to have a proper understanding of the problem—and not your imaginary or delusional perception of the problem, Mr. Gamma—before a solution can be discussed.
So say we all. Unfortunately, most people would rather whine and cry than even attempt a solution. If all the people who preferred to cry about Wikipedia had contributed to Infogalactic instead, Wikipedia would have been left in the dust.
But it's easier to cry about an article you can't edit than simply edit it yourself.
> who are most eager to avoid providing any help when it is actually requested of them
That's because if they respond to a direct request for help they can't take credit for coming up with their brilliant solution. The unsolicited offer of help has more benefit for the giver than the recipient
The futility of unsolicited advice is best realized in the reaction to solicited advice. Over the years, I have repeatedly been asked for advice by the less fit on how to begin the journey to physical wellness. Invariably, my answer is "Start with two things. First, do what you need to do to get a good night's sleep. Second, go for a walk after dinner." Invariably, the very dissatisfied response is: "What? No. I want to know how you do it." And there it is, the Kung Fu Panda moment missed with them failing to realize that there is no secret sauce. The seeker of advice typically wants a shortcut to avoid having to renounce old ways.
Great article, keep up the good work sir the SSH is invaluable!
Off topic, but I was wondering if Dale Carnegie’s ‘how to win friends and influence people’ could be considered as a good manual for managing / building relationships with deltas?
Also, will the SSH book include advice on how to manage & build relationships with other ranks?
1. Don't know, never read it.
2. Yes.
Thanks. Haha oh yeah I should’ve realised a sigma would never care enough about a book with a title about winning friends.
I look forward to the book!
There’s an opposite, but equally irritating component to this: people who ask for help on things that they should easily be able to solve themselves.
Either way, good luck with that.
In my experience those people are usually lazy and/or entitled, but in the case of the Zoomers nobody taught them
Solution: Never complain, never explain. People can’t offer “solutions” if they don’t know what your problems are.
That's true, Vox. But meddling in other people's problems is easier and more entertaining than fixing mine.
On the topic of self-improvement, I've found a website that's been pretty useful on that front. Self-Max. Going through the guided exercises has helped me start a diet, and make other needed changes to solve my problems.
If anyone has some suggestions for books or other resources to aid self-improvement please share them.
If you have a specific area you’re looking to improve in, hire a coach. They’re more expensive but far more effective. If it’s fitness, for example, hire a personal trainer. Having someone speak to you face to face about the topic is much more effective than reading a book in cases like these.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Breaking-out-Homeostasis-Mind-Body-Continue-ebook/dp/B077ZZ1DK2
Lord, save me from "helpful" people.
One phrase that distinguishes the potentially helpful from the useless is "How can I help?"
I can’t wait for the printed edition of Hypergamouse!
It's literally being printed now. Should be at the warehouse in 3-4 weeks.
I was super stoked after I got the Email where you explained that the delay is due to discovering a superior printing company.
The Alpha likes to help by taking charge.
The Bravo by laying down the law.
The Delta by doing this or that.
The Gamma thinks his own will IS helping.
The Omega hopes by helping quickly he'll be left alone again.
The Sigma is nowhere to be found.
And this too, wasn't to help.
I think "wanting to help" is mainly a Delta/Gamma/Women problem - Omegas, for example, don't have enough interest in other people's problems to be inclined to offer help.
Omegas get conscripted.
It's also very annoying to those who hear it. Specially if it's moronic.
Some people are so eager to interfere in other people's lives and appear intelligent and helpful that they'll start by pointing out obvious solutions to problems - as if you're retarded. Never does it enter into their head that if something appears obvious it is highly likely you've already considered it.
> that they'll start by pointing out obvious solutions to problems - as if you're retarded
And once you realize that most people *are* retarded then you realize they won't take the obvious advice anyway so why agitate them?
Telling the fat guy to stop eating so much is obviously not going to achieve anything...
This way of "helping" people by pointing out trivial solutions is very Gamma.
You are correct that some people points out the obvious because of vanity. If an INFJ points out the obvious, please don't assume that the motivation is vanity. They often struggle to remember that other people have thoughts the same way an INTJ often struggle to remember that other people have feelings. Personally I find both endearing.
While you're probably correct that some personality types are more prone to "helping" that is not really relevant when discussing the SSH or human behavior in general. It's patterns of behavior that is being discussed because those patterns are the only thing we can work with - your personality is not going to change. Yes, some people are more guilty of offering unsolicited and/or obvious suggestions. No, nobody cares what combination of letters said suggester identifies as nor do they much care what the reasons for offering advice are.
Other people dont owe you remembering anything either.
No one owes anyone anything, but that is no reason to unnecessarily be a dick. No Name makes a valid point that social interactions go more smoothly if you have empathy
Of course they do, but if youre discovery of empathy is that other people should have it for you, its backward.
You should have empathy for other people so you aren't annoying them.
> If an INFJ points out the obvious, please don't assume that the motivation is vanity
This is what you are defending
Other people should recognize this persons traits and give them leeway.
Rather than this person just stop acting that way. Which is the defensible position?
Of course you should be empathetic for your own benefit, but not because others are incapable of good behavior and you excuse them for it.
Do it if you want, but the idea that they should expect it from other people is wrong.
1. I'm not an INFJ.
2. Me giving someone leeway doesn't exclude them improving themself.
tldr
Of course they don't owe me remembering anything. Remembering can however make social interactions smoother, and it can avoid misunderstandings. That may or may not be important to you.
You could remember yourself and not cause the problem.
True words. Or when they tell you to do something you were obviously going to do anyway. E.g.
''I'll be running a bit late, I got a flat tire.''
''Well then change your tire!''
Yeah. And they feel like you're the stupid one if you give them the TLDR one sentence answer. Or that you're making excuses if you give them the long, detailed answer.
I honestly haven't found a good way to socially say, "You're too stupid to understand the problem my dear friend, but I appreciate your friendship. Will you please just shut up and enjoy my company?"
A few of my coworkers and I developed a code phrase for just such a situation: “Sounds good.” It is the office equivalent of “bless your heart.” I’d hear a guy on the phone and he’d end the call with “ok, sounds good” and it was the signal that everything he just heard was retarded. Even better to get a Reply To All email with the entirety of the text being “Sounds good.” We’d all know.
I like that.
"Ok, thanks"
Haha, i wish i could say that. "I dont really want to hash it out now" is also usually taken as 'hiding' from the issue. (Eye roll)