I was attracted to Delta within a month of meeting him. He is kind, not a fake; competent, not a know-it-all; handsome, not hauty; easy going, not indecisive; funny, not awkward.
By month four of knowing Delta, everyone in our common group of friends was aware of my attraction, while Delta was clueless; Delta admitted it later.
I created some drama for Delta with verbal jabs, privately, and got a calm, but direct, "Don't talk to me that way" in response. This was my "you had me at 'hello'" Jerry Maguire moment. Delta had me at "don't talk to me that way".
Another month or two and I asked Delta, "How long do I have to hang around and flirt with you before you ask me out?!" Delta calmly answered, "Never. I don't have many friends who are girls and I like you as a friend too much to change you into a girlfriend."
I proceeded to treat Delta with behavior unbecoming a "likeable friend". I was publicly disrespectful to Delta when we saw each other. Delta sent me an email saying he's not sure what changed, but my treatment of him is preventing friendship with me.
I toned it down, but started ignoring Delta.
Soon Delta moved two timezones away for about a year, for college.
Delta returned to town; meanwhile I had moved on and had been going on dates with other guys.
In some weeks Delta calls me up and asks me out on a date. Movie, dinner, and a proposal, "I know you liked me before, but would you be my girlfriend now?"
We dated for a few months. Delta proposed. We wed 4 months later and have now been married for almost 17 years.
We have the most unstressful life. I get to homeschool our children, the oldest is now a teen. I get to be a stay at home mom in our suburban paid-off home. Delta runs a business and is in demand for his skilled work. Delta is liked and respected by the men in our communities. I have never been embarrassed of Delta. My life style is wholy owed to Delta's stability, work ethic, morality, calm level-headed decisiveness, benefit-of-the-doubt communication style, and care for me and ours.
Where's the downside?
I have to think of times when I'm irritated. That happens when I would that Delta go "war lord mode" on someone who I deem deserves the treatment. But Delta remains loyal to who he is, even when dealing with less deserving parts of humanity. I'd rather that some were not given Delta's benefit of the doubt or his kindness that I feel belongs to me and mine. Yet this many years in I'm beginning to value that my episodic Delta-the-avenger fantasies are not coming to fruition.
Few days ago Delta looks up from the laptop screen, having been reading here on SG, and asks, "What's 'hypergamous', again?" I stop the dinner prep, turn to look at him from the kitchen, point both my thumbs at my grinning face and anounce, "I'm hypergamous! Because you are better than me in every way."
After reading Hypergamouse I determined that a high status deltas are the best type of guys.
Here are the Pros and Cons:
Pros:
* Cute!!! Deltas are cute. Just like how Jami reacted to the Delta tennis guy mouse. My current fav portrayal of Deltas in an anime is Tonikaku Kawaii. It's an anime about a couple who gets married to summarize it very grossly. The female lead describes her husband as very cute.
* Realiable! They fix stuff, they get stuff done. They fix your computer, they are handy.
* Commited! They are not looking around at other girls. You are the apple of their eye!
* Less Competition to get them- I actuallly don't enjoy competing with other females. I don't like the mean girl thing. You might find 1 or 2 other girls going after this man but that's usually it
* Good at what they do! - if you're one of those gals who love seeing their men dedicated to what they do, and maybe admire men in the same line of work as yourself, then a Delta maybe perfect for you
* Easier to Wow! They have lower self esteem when it comes to women so any extra womanly things you do and they'll really appreciate it
Cons:
* They care more about doing a good job than money. Chasing after money isn't the first priority. They will probably be slow to move if their line of work is no longer making enough money.
* Will not go after managerial positions or work up the ladder - Even when they are qualified based on their experience they don't like being a leader
* Lower self esteem - this is also a Con because you do wish they would be more bold and come up to you and say hi or boldly ask you out romantically. If you know I'm interested in the same thing you are ask me to do it with you. But they tend not to have a lot of self esteem when it comes to women
I am married to a Delta of 10 years. His computer skills and dedication to Christ were def what drew me in.
I married my Delta husband at 18 because I thought he would provide well for me and support a traditional family, which he has. He was 20 and worked as a logger in British Columbia, and is now a millwright in a commercial sawmill. He earns a great income and is a skilled hunter and fisherman.
We own a house after buying and flipping two smaller fixer-upper houses. My highly skilled man did all the restoration and upgrading himself, allowing us to make a nice profit on the first two houses. My man has skills that he learned from his father and grandfather. We own our own house because of these skills. I am 30 now, and the only people that I know that are my age and own houses have husbands that also work at the mill. None of my brothers or sisters own a house, and I am proud of my man. There is talk that he might become a foreman soon. We might buy a bigger house when he moves up.
My man is not a movie star, but he gets up and goes to work every day. He looks forward to hunting season all year, and that is his time with the boys. He is a kind father and solid husband the rest of the year. We own a house (did I mention that a few times?) and a car, and have family parties in our garage after church on Sundays. The parties are a pro and a con because I get to be the hostess but when the party is over, he turns out the lights and tells people to leave. That is rude, but he is always punctual and trash talks people that arrive late or stay too long. Just like our children, our home is always freshly scrubbed and orderly. Everything works and nothing is broken. Life is neat, orderly, and comfortable.
The Delta and I went on a date 15 years ago and the date (sort of) never stopped. The transitions from one level to the next were so easy. No fireworks or fanfare. Most of our leveling-up was my doing as he is comfortable with the status quo. This can be both comfortable and confounding.
Love- early in our relationship, he was helping me with a frustrating computer problem. He was so calm about it. Just head down and power through. His competence really blew my mind *fizz* and I realized he was the best match for me. A couple months later I told him we were in love and he agreed.
Marriage- The Delta is not super comfortable with risk or putting himself out there. He was not opposed to marriage, just not a fan of the risk of asking for my hand or the fanfare of a big wedding. I told him we should get married and he agreed. Small ceremony with family, dinner with friends, get back to work.
It’s tricky leveraging the Delta’s strengths without steamrolling him. When I’m mad at the Delta or just upset for one reason or another, his go-to response is to do some chores. Acts of Service is his Love Language, but it’s more than that. He doesn’t know what to do about my emotions, so he will work because he knows work.
The Delta is handsome, but not TOO handsome. I don’t have to have my head on a swivel. He’s good-humored- not dazzling, not “funny” in a quotes-Monty-Python way, just easy to be around and deeply funny. He’s not a joiner or a volunteer, but will happily go along with it if he’s volun-told.
He is too laid back in some situations. “It’ll be fine” is not the appropriate response when it’s clearly not going to be fine. Way too often, the Delta is happy to let situations resolve themselves even when the resolution is sub-optimal.
I mentioned elsewhere in the comments that my father was a broken delta, which is why though I like and appreciate deltas, there's no romantic interest. Not very helpful if "broken" isn't defined, though, so here it is:
On the one hand, he is solid and dependable as a worker, managing to keep a steady and challenging job even through retirement. Rarely missed work, was liked by co-workers, etc. Gets along well with most people.
On the other, at home he isn't merely indecisive or soft on leadership, he is all but incapable of doing anything he believes will make his wife upset. End result: broken family, broken kids, and he lives a life of abject misery which he nevertheless prefers to the existential fear of living without a woman to tell him what to do.
Obviously, this is a specific type of brokenness that does not represent most deltas by any stretch, and his good qualities really are fantastic. But when life gets difficult, especially when kids are navigating their teen years, a firm leader who can make good judgments for the sake of his family regardless of emotions involved is preferable to a man who will try to placate his wife's emotions over standing firm.
I am married to a delta. I was young but very scarred by my sigma father's and very attractive mother's problems, so I went for a less attractive but extremely dependable and patient delta that I was hoping would be roped in by my charisma and looks before he figured out how emotionally damaged I was. As we dated, he figured it out anyway, but wanted to help fix me, so that suited both of us. We've been married seven years, are expecting our fifth child, homeschooling our oldest, and living a comfortable lifestyle.
His patience and stablilty have been the rock of our family and he is well liked at work. He tries to please his family too much and he usually puts up with too much from me that I have to outright tell him to tell me to stop. He can be quite indecisive and forgetful about everything he considers unimportant (like when driving he completely doesn't pay attention to directions), but I fill in those gaps. He wants to excel at his job but also keep just to the required hours at work and be with the family besides that- which is one of his very best traits! He would never divorce as he's loyal in every way, so early on in our marriage when my issues were much worse, I relied on that fact- (there's some really screwed over deltas in his family tree with truly terrible wives). He is respected by other men, not seen as a leader, but viewed as an expert in his field and very competent. He is good at delaying gratification and being efficient. I wish he was more charismatic, decisive, and attractive (he's above average looks but the dry professorial personality doesn't do a lot for the tingles).
My Delta husband was in construction when I met him. He takes great personal pride in his work. When he approaches a task, he single-mindedly works it to the best of his abilities until it's done to his satisfaction. This was always his most attractive quality to me.
In our marriage (20 years), this means he is overly critical of how well I perform household tasks, he finds it difficult to take days off without doing something productive, and he never accepts that I or my children may have different ideas about how to achieve a goal. If it's not done his way, it's not right and you will never hear the end of it. He is quite difficult to please, rarely gives out praise, and never has an open ear for direction or suggestions.
Other men typically like being around him, but not men with families or wives. He and I have no common friends and my attempt to introduce him to the dads in our daughter's homeschool group never bore fruit. That may just be his jobs since he only meets and befriends men at work. Other men say he's funny and every boss he's ever had loves having him as an employee. He currently works 6 days a week at a restaurant and is always asked to pick up more shifts or cover for someone else, which he never refuses. All the while, he complains that he hates his job and wants to quit. He may have Gamma tendencies, but based on how well he is liked and respected by other men, I think he is a Delta.
When I was first dating my delta husband, I was attracted to a few things: He was handsome, not hot, but handsome. He was intelligent, but didn't show off that he was intelligent (unlike his brother who I happened to meet the same week). I could tell he had goals in life and would be the type who would take care of a family by developing skills, working hard and protecting his loved ones. I knew that he would be loyal, not a player. At the same time he was happy to go work on his own projects and get things done so he wasn't "needy".
Some struggles with dating/marrying a delta. At the beginning of our marriage my husband would be kind of a push-over when it came to conflicts with certain people or about certain things. I thought he would have been more than a bull-dog and I wanted him to rock the boat more than he did. Now, after many years of marriage, I look to him for leadership. Sometimes he leads and sometimes he's like "Do what you want" or "That's your decision". I appreciate the autonomy, but sometimes I want feedback and I don't get any.
One story that I find funny. Back in 2020 during the "lockdowns" I apparently mentioned several times that we should get chickens. I really didn't think that I mentioned it more than once, but apparnetly I mentioned it several times. A few months later, my husband comes to me and starts showing me different breeds of chickens and explains which ones he thinks will do well in our climate and asks me which ones I liked. I was totally floored. I asked him where he got that idea and that it sounded crazy. He responeded, "Well, you said you thought we should get chickens so I figured I better make it happen." He designed and built a brooder and a chicken coop. Now we have 10 chickens.
One other example. One December my brother and his family were visiting from out of state. My family had just recovered from having covid. My bother and his family all got covid and my brother was very sick and needed oxygen. My brother and his family were staying with my sister. My sister called me and was in tears becasue she was was worn out with taking care of everyone and my brother was not doing well. My husband overheard things. Grabbed his coat and said "Tell your sister I'm coming down". He helped to calm everyone down, got his step-father who was a nurse to check on my brother, and helped to formulate a plan for treatment. That same week his brother was really sick with covid and my husband took his brother to the ER and stayed with him until he was okay. There are a lot of examples of him doing what needs to be done without being told.
My husband is a delta. Outgoing but thoughtful. He doesn't stand out but he is solid and other men like him. He is a hard working man. He is a rock emotionally and can comfort me and not respond to my emotional waves except to quiet them. He doesn't like authority but he knows where he fits in the hierarchy and may complain to me but did his job and saw it for what it was...a job to care for his family. He loves me wonderfully and I know it deep down but I also know he loves me a tich more.
Marrying a delta means stability and I will try to honor him and care for him as we both grow old.
After dating various degrees of gammas as a young woman, I married up to a delta to border-line bravo. He is older than me and has a very long track record of excelling in his work. I like the age difference and I have always liked that he has status in his chosen career. He is steady like a rock and very predictable even when we butt heads. I can be in a panic or furious over something but he always handles it and plows through the situation one way or another. He is definitely the romantic between the two of us. He puts far more effort into putting together dates than I generally do.
Over the years I have noticed he is very risk avoidant. Having the weight of keeping the family afloat does justify cautious decision making but I think there is a fear motivation that has far more power than it should. I thank God he is retired because he did confess he would have taken the vaxx to keep his corporate job because its always a black and white choice to him: either the vaxx or lose the job and the home etc.
I do think the tendency to be passive aggressive and conflict avoidant with me (but not necessarily with men) is a huge annoyance. I would rather battle it out and settle a spat than deal with the silent treatment for a day or two before finally talking it over. I hate the passive-aggressive "do whatever you want" response when we disagree over a significant decision. I'm not saying that I know what I want him to tell me but "do whatever you want" is disingenuous and leaves me hanging.
My husband and I first began courting through an internet dating service (we tell people a different story) but since we were long distance we treated it as an extensive interview process for marriage. We covered numerous subjects and issues to make sure we were both on the same page. What attracted me to him first and foremost was that he is a devoted father. I grew up without a father and did not want the same fate for my future offspring. He was also more physically attractive than previous delta's I had dated in the past.
I have found the pro's of being married to a delta is the unquestionable love and respect. I never have to worry or wonder if he has a wandering eye or is doing something behind my back. He is very open and honest with me and will ask my opinion, especially with major decisions that impact our family. I don't believe I would've have the same consideration from an alpha/bravo nor the stability my delta provides. I should also note that I was severely scarred by a sigma and that has attributed to my distrust in people and search for said stability.
It's difficult for me to think of any con's, we usually have one fight a year and that's due to some type of miscommunication. I will say that only things that bother me is his "rushing out the door" when we have to go somewhere and then in the car when he gripes about the driving conditions.
My high school sweetheart was a Delta. He was an upstanding guy, humorous but not boisterous, with average looks. I was his first girlfriend. He chose his university based on the medical program because he wanted to be a pharmacist. I'm unsure if that was born from his desire to please his Asian mother, or if that was his passion, or what(we didn't have conversations that went that deep).
My favorite thing about him was his easygoing personality. Most things would roll off him with little worry, except when it came to pleasing his parents. He was fun to hang out with, and I would even have said at the time that I loved him, but I felt like there was some deeper level that I couldn't share with him. It felt like he just couldn't understand.
He convinced me to go to a Christian university about two hours away from his, because he said it would be a good influence on me. I met a Sigma my first week there, who convinced me to dump my boyfriend and marry him instead. So I did, and now we have four children together.
My Delta son is only 22 so I dont know how useful this will be, but maybe will give an idea of the evolution. Forewarning, my grammar & writing = small torture for all involved. He started trying to fix things at age 6 or maybe even earlier. Growing up he had no interest in phones, social media, video games or much TV. He was interested in REAL problems where he could be the fixer / solution. This made school unbearable for him, sitting at a desk & having a female teacher with Vogue magazines - had nothing to offer him. Even books (besides like car manuals) were not enjoyable to him (I know Gasp! on this site). So homeschooling began in the 6th Grade. He would painstakingly grind through about 2 hours of homeschool and then I would let him do his thing. It started as mowing lawns & small engine repair to then as a teenager he was welding, mechanics & other stuff. He had friends his age, but mostly liked hanging with them in the context of getting something accomplished -- He has always been mature for age and gravitated towards men who were older & skilled in some trade. These are the men he respects I remember when he was about 15 he fixed some cars for a guy in neighborhood who was like the head Professor of Finance at a University & he was always trying to get my son to fix up more cars for him and like mentor him in stocks and finance stuff - basically my son had disdain for him and considered him a " dumb ass" because he couldn't change a tire. Occasionally for fun would snow/skateboard & did not join in with smoking pot like some of his friends -- I never really worried about stuff like that, like many of the Delta wives mention, there is a trust you have with a delta & what you see is what you get. Like Jesus said about Nathaniel "there is a man in whom there is no guile" -- I'm sure he would say the same about my Delta. Of course I'm biased but I think they are wonderful sons. Apologies for the mom ramble !
Apparently I cannot write coherently about my husband. I've been trying for the past 30min.
In my experience, being married to a delta means sitting in that sweet spot of having an attractive husband but not feeling the need to constantly mate guard. He makes me feel safe and secure and cherished without being a doormat about it. If he doesn't lead as strongly or clearly as a higher ranking man, he's also less likely to scare me by going off on some wild hare.
He's a wonderful dad, a great provider, and one of the best gifts God has given me. Occasionally I wish I'd married a guy with more charisma or ambition, but then again my husband married a girl with "who hurt you vibes" and has made a good marriage of it. We serve at church. We raise our kids. We enjoy our relationship.
I was attracted to Delta within a month of meeting him. He is kind, not a fake; competent, not a know-it-all; handsome, not hauty; easy going, not indecisive; funny, not awkward.
By month four of knowing Delta, everyone in our common group of friends was aware of my attraction, while Delta was clueless; Delta admitted it later.
I created some drama for Delta with verbal jabs, privately, and got a calm, but direct, "Don't talk to me that way" in response. This was my "you had me at 'hello'" Jerry Maguire moment. Delta had me at "don't talk to me that way".
Another month or two and I asked Delta, "How long do I have to hang around and flirt with you before you ask me out?!" Delta calmly answered, "Never. I don't have many friends who are girls and I like you as a friend too much to change you into a girlfriend."
I proceeded to treat Delta with behavior unbecoming a "likeable friend". I was publicly disrespectful to Delta when we saw each other. Delta sent me an email saying he's not sure what changed, but my treatment of him is preventing friendship with me.
I toned it down, but started ignoring Delta.
Soon Delta moved two timezones away for about a year, for college.
Delta returned to town; meanwhile I had moved on and had been going on dates with other guys.
In some weeks Delta calls me up and asks me out on a date. Movie, dinner, and a proposal, "I know you liked me before, but would you be my girlfriend now?"
We dated for a few months. Delta proposed. We wed 4 months later and have now been married for almost 17 years.
We have the most unstressful life. I get to homeschool our children, the oldest is now a teen. I get to be a stay at home mom in our suburban paid-off home. Delta runs a business and is in demand for his skilled work. Delta is liked and respected by the men in our communities. I have never been embarrassed of Delta. My life style is wholy owed to Delta's stability, work ethic, morality, calm level-headed decisiveness, benefit-of-the-doubt communication style, and care for me and ours.
Where's the downside?
I have to think of times when I'm irritated. That happens when I would that Delta go "war lord mode" on someone who I deem deserves the treatment. But Delta remains loyal to who he is, even when dealing with less deserving parts of humanity. I'd rather that some were not given Delta's benefit of the doubt or his kindness that I feel belongs to me and mine. Yet this many years in I'm beginning to value that my episodic Delta-the-avenger fantasies are not coming to fruition.
Few days ago Delta looks up from the laptop screen, having been reading here on SG, and asks, "What's 'hypergamous', again?" I stop the dinner prep, turn to look at him from the kitchen, point both my thumbs at my grinning face and anounce, "I'm hypergamous! Because you are better than me in every way."
Hi all!
After reading Hypergamouse I determined that a high status deltas are the best type of guys.
Here are the Pros and Cons:
Pros:
* Cute!!! Deltas are cute. Just like how Jami reacted to the Delta tennis guy mouse. My current fav portrayal of Deltas in an anime is Tonikaku Kawaii. It's an anime about a couple who gets married to summarize it very grossly. The female lead describes her husband as very cute.
* Realiable! They fix stuff, they get stuff done. They fix your computer, they are handy.
* Commited! They are not looking around at other girls. You are the apple of their eye!
* Less Competition to get them- I actuallly don't enjoy competing with other females. I don't like the mean girl thing. You might find 1 or 2 other girls going after this man but that's usually it
* Good at what they do! - if you're one of those gals who love seeing their men dedicated to what they do, and maybe admire men in the same line of work as yourself, then a Delta maybe perfect for you
* Easier to Wow! They have lower self esteem when it comes to women so any extra womanly things you do and they'll really appreciate it
Cons:
* They care more about doing a good job than money. Chasing after money isn't the first priority. They will probably be slow to move if their line of work is no longer making enough money.
* Will not go after managerial positions or work up the ladder - Even when they are qualified based on their experience they don't like being a leader
* Lower self esteem - this is also a Con because you do wish they would be more bold and come up to you and say hi or boldly ask you out romantically. If you know I'm interested in the same thing you are ask me to do it with you. But they tend not to have a lot of self esteem when it comes to women
I am married to a Delta of 10 years. His computer skills and dedication to Christ were def what drew me in.
I married my Delta husband at 18 because I thought he would provide well for me and support a traditional family, which he has. He was 20 and worked as a logger in British Columbia, and is now a millwright in a commercial sawmill. He earns a great income and is a skilled hunter and fisherman.
We own a house after buying and flipping two smaller fixer-upper houses. My highly skilled man did all the restoration and upgrading himself, allowing us to make a nice profit on the first two houses. My man has skills that he learned from his father and grandfather. We own our own house because of these skills. I am 30 now, and the only people that I know that are my age and own houses have husbands that also work at the mill. None of my brothers or sisters own a house, and I am proud of my man. There is talk that he might become a foreman soon. We might buy a bigger house when he moves up.
My man is not a movie star, but he gets up and goes to work every day. He looks forward to hunting season all year, and that is his time with the boys. He is a kind father and solid husband the rest of the year. We own a house (did I mention that a few times?) and a car, and have family parties in our garage after church on Sundays. The parties are a pro and a con because I get to be the hostess but when the party is over, he turns out the lights and tells people to leave. That is rude, but he is always punctual and trash talks people that arrive late or stay too long. Just like our children, our home is always freshly scrubbed and orderly. Everything works and nothing is broken. Life is neat, orderly, and comfortable.
The Delta and I went on a date 15 years ago and the date (sort of) never stopped. The transitions from one level to the next were so easy. No fireworks or fanfare. Most of our leveling-up was my doing as he is comfortable with the status quo. This can be both comfortable and confounding.
Love- early in our relationship, he was helping me with a frustrating computer problem. He was so calm about it. Just head down and power through. His competence really blew my mind *fizz* and I realized he was the best match for me. A couple months later I told him we were in love and he agreed.
Marriage- The Delta is not super comfortable with risk or putting himself out there. He was not opposed to marriage, just not a fan of the risk of asking for my hand or the fanfare of a big wedding. I told him we should get married and he agreed. Small ceremony with family, dinner with friends, get back to work.
It’s tricky leveraging the Delta’s strengths without steamrolling him. When I’m mad at the Delta or just upset for one reason or another, his go-to response is to do some chores. Acts of Service is his Love Language, but it’s more than that. He doesn’t know what to do about my emotions, so he will work because he knows work.
The Delta is handsome, but not TOO handsome. I don’t have to have my head on a swivel. He’s good-humored- not dazzling, not “funny” in a quotes-Monty-Python way, just easy to be around and deeply funny. He’s not a joiner or a volunteer, but will happily go along with it if he’s volun-told.
He is too laid back in some situations. “It’ll be fine” is not the appropriate response when it’s clearly not going to be fine. Way too often, the Delta is happy to let situations resolve themselves even when the resolution is sub-optimal.
I mentioned elsewhere in the comments that my father was a broken delta, which is why though I like and appreciate deltas, there's no romantic interest. Not very helpful if "broken" isn't defined, though, so here it is:
On the one hand, he is solid and dependable as a worker, managing to keep a steady and challenging job even through retirement. Rarely missed work, was liked by co-workers, etc. Gets along well with most people.
On the other, at home he isn't merely indecisive or soft on leadership, he is all but incapable of doing anything he believes will make his wife upset. End result: broken family, broken kids, and he lives a life of abject misery which he nevertheless prefers to the existential fear of living without a woman to tell him what to do.
Obviously, this is a specific type of brokenness that does not represent most deltas by any stretch, and his good qualities really are fantastic. But when life gets difficult, especially when kids are navigating their teen years, a firm leader who can make good judgments for the sake of his family regardless of emotions involved is preferable to a man who will try to placate his wife's emotions over standing firm.
I am married to a delta. I was young but very scarred by my sigma father's and very attractive mother's problems, so I went for a less attractive but extremely dependable and patient delta that I was hoping would be roped in by my charisma and looks before he figured out how emotionally damaged I was. As we dated, he figured it out anyway, but wanted to help fix me, so that suited both of us. We've been married seven years, are expecting our fifth child, homeschooling our oldest, and living a comfortable lifestyle.
His patience and stablilty have been the rock of our family and he is well liked at work. He tries to please his family too much and he usually puts up with too much from me that I have to outright tell him to tell me to stop. He can be quite indecisive and forgetful about everything he considers unimportant (like when driving he completely doesn't pay attention to directions), but I fill in those gaps. He wants to excel at his job but also keep just to the required hours at work and be with the family besides that- which is one of his very best traits! He would never divorce as he's loyal in every way, so early on in our marriage when my issues were much worse, I relied on that fact- (there's some really screwed over deltas in his family tree with truly terrible wives). He is respected by other men, not seen as a leader, but viewed as an expert in his field and very competent. He is good at delaying gratification and being efficient. I wish he was more charismatic, decisive, and attractive (he's above average looks but the dry professorial personality doesn't do a lot for the tingles).
My Delta husband was in construction when I met him. He takes great personal pride in his work. When he approaches a task, he single-mindedly works it to the best of his abilities until it's done to his satisfaction. This was always his most attractive quality to me.
In our marriage (20 years), this means he is overly critical of how well I perform household tasks, he finds it difficult to take days off without doing something productive, and he never accepts that I or my children may have different ideas about how to achieve a goal. If it's not done his way, it's not right and you will never hear the end of it. He is quite difficult to please, rarely gives out praise, and never has an open ear for direction or suggestions.
Other men typically like being around him, but not men with families or wives. He and I have no common friends and my attempt to introduce him to the dads in our daughter's homeschool group never bore fruit. That may just be his jobs since he only meets and befriends men at work. Other men say he's funny and every boss he's ever had loves having him as an employee. He currently works 6 days a week at a restaurant and is always asked to pick up more shifts or cover for someone else, which he never refuses. All the while, he complains that he hates his job and wants to quit. He may have Gamma tendencies, but based on how well he is liked and respected by other men, I think he is a Delta.
When I was first dating my delta husband, I was attracted to a few things: He was handsome, not hot, but handsome. He was intelligent, but didn't show off that he was intelligent (unlike his brother who I happened to meet the same week). I could tell he had goals in life and would be the type who would take care of a family by developing skills, working hard and protecting his loved ones. I knew that he would be loyal, not a player. At the same time he was happy to go work on his own projects and get things done so he wasn't "needy".
Some struggles with dating/marrying a delta. At the beginning of our marriage my husband would be kind of a push-over when it came to conflicts with certain people or about certain things. I thought he would have been more than a bull-dog and I wanted him to rock the boat more than he did. Now, after many years of marriage, I look to him for leadership. Sometimes he leads and sometimes he's like "Do what you want" or "That's your decision". I appreciate the autonomy, but sometimes I want feedback and I don't get any.
One story that I find funny. Back in 2020 during the "lockdowns" I apparently mentioned several times that we should get chickens. I really didn't think that I mentioned it more than once, but apparnetly I mentioned it several times. A few months later, my husband comes to me and starts showing me different breeds of chickens and explains which ones he thinks will do well in our climate and asks me which ones I liked. I was totally floored. I asked him where he got that idea and that it sounded crazy. He responeded, "Well, you said you thought we should get chickens so I figured I better make it happen." He designed and built a brooder and a chicken coop. Now we have 10 chickens.
One other example. One December my brother and his family were visiting from out of state. My family had just recovered from having covid. My bother and his family all got covid and my brother was very sick and needed oxygen. My brother and his family were staying with my sister. My sister called me and was in tears becasue she was was worn out with taking care of everyone and my brother was not doing well. My husband overheard things. Grabbed his coat and said "Tell your sister I'm coming down". He helped to calm everyone down, got his step-father who was a nurse to check on my brother, and helped to formulate a plan for treatment. That same week his brother was really sick with covid and my husband took his brother to the ER and stayed with him until he was okay. There are a lot of examples of him doing what needs to be done without being told.
OT but it's been nice to read about the different varieties of Deltas.
My husband is a delta. Outgoing but thoughtful. He doesn't stand out but he is solid and other men like him. He is a hard working man. He is a rock emotionally and can comfort me and not respond to my emotional waves except to quiet them. He doesn't like authority but he knows where he fits in the hierarchy and may complain to me but did his job and saw it for what it was...a job to care for his family. He loves me wonderfully and I know it deep down but I also know he loves me a tich more.
Marrying a delta means stability and I will try to honor him and care for him as we both grow old.
Vox: Gammas please don't comment
Gammas: well don't mind if I do!
After dating various degrees of gammas as a young woman, I married up to a delta to border-line bravo. He is older than me and has a very long track record of excelling in his work. I like the age difference and I have always liked that he has status in his chosen career. He is steady like a rock and very predictable even when we butt heads. I can be in a panic or furious over something but he always handles it and plows through the situation one way or another. He is definitely the romantic between the two of us. He puts far more effort into putting together dates than I generally do.
Over the years I have noticed he is very risk avoidant. Having the weight of keeping the family afloat does justify cautious decision making but I think there is a fear motivation that has far more power than it should. I thank God he is retired because he did confess he would have taken the vaxx to keep his corporate job because its always a black and white choice to him: either the vaxx or lose the job and the home etc.
I do think the tendency to be passive aggressive and conflict avoidant with me (but not necessarily with men) is a huge annoyance. I would rather battle it out and settle a spat than deal with the silent treatment for a day or two before finally talking it over. I hate the passive-aggressive "do whatever you want" response when we disagree over a significant decision. I'm not saying that I know what I want him to tell me but "do whatever you want" is disingenuous and leaves me hanging.
My husband and I first began courting through an internet dating service (we tell people a different story) but since we were long distance we treated it as an extensive interview process for marriage. We covered numerous subjects and issues to make sure we were both on the same page. What attracted me to him first and foremost was that he is a devoted father. I grew up without a father and did not want the same fate for my future offspring. He was also more physically attractive than previous delta's I had dated in the past.
I have found the pro's of being married to a delta is the unquestionable love and respect. I never have to worry or wonder if he has a wandering eye or is doing something behind my back. He is very open and honest with me and will ask my opinion, especially with major decisions that impact our family. I don't believe I would've have the same consideration from an alpha/bravo nor the stability my delta provides. I should also note that I was severely scarred by a sigma and that has attributed to my distrust in people and search for said stability.
It's difficult for me to think of any con's, we usually have one fight a year and that's due to some type of miscommunication. I will say that only things that bother me is his "rushing out the door" when we have to go somewhere and then in the car when he gripes about the driving conditions.
My high school sweetheart was a Delta. He was an upstanding guy, humorous but not boisterous, with average looks. I was his first girlfriend. He chose his university based on the medical program because he wanted to be a pharmacist. I'm unsure if that was born from his desire to please his Asian mother, or if that was his passion, or what(we didn't have conversations that went that deep).
My favorite thing about him was his easygoing personality. Most things would roll off him with little worry, except when it came to pleasing his parents. He was fun to hang out with, and I would even have said at the time that I loved him, but I felt like there was some deeper level that I couldn't share with him. It felt like he just couldn't understand.
He convinced me to go to a Christian university about two hours away from his, because he said it would be a good influence on me. I met a Sigma my first week there, who convinced me to dump my boyfriend and marry him instead. So I did, and now we have four children together.
My Delta son is only 22 so I dont know how useful this will be, but maybe will give an idea of the evolution. Forewarning, my grammar & writing = small torture for all involved. He started trying to fix things at age 6 or maybe even earlier. Growing up he had no interest in phones, social media, video games or much TV. He was interested in REAL problems where he could be the fixer / solution. This made school unbearable for him, sitting at a desk & having a female teacher with Vogue magazines - had nothing to offer him. Even books (besides like car manuals) were not enjoyable to him (I know Gasp! on this site). So homeschooling began in the 6th Grade. He would painstakingly grind through about 2 hours of homeschool and then I would let him do his thing. It started as mowing lawns & small engine repair to then as a teenager he was welding, mechanics & other stuff. He had friends his age, but mostly liked hanging with them in the context of getting something accomplished -- He has always been mature for age and gravitated towards men who were older & skilled in some trade. These are the men he respects I remember when he was about 15 he fixed some cars for a guy in neighborhood who was like the head Professor of Finance at a University & he was always trying to get my son to fix up more cars for him and like mentor him in stocks and finance stuff - basically my son had disdain for him and considered him a " dumb ass" because he couldn't change a tire. Occasionally for fun would snow/skateboard & did not join in with smoking pot like some of his friends -- I never really worried about stuff like that, like many of the Delta wives mention, there is a trust you have with a delta & what you see is what you get. Like Jesus said about Nathaniel "there is a man in whom there is no guile" -- I'm sure he would say the same about my Delta. Of course I'm biased but I think they are wonderful sons. Apologies for the mom ramble !
Apparently I cannot write coherently about my husband. I've been trying for the past 30min.
In my experience, being married to a delta means sitting in that sweet spot of having an attractive husband but not feeling the need to constantly mate guard. He makes me feel safe and secure and cherished without being a doormat about it. If he doesn't lead as strongly or clearly as a higher ranking man, he's also less likely to scare me by going off on some wild hare.
He's a wonderful dad, a great provider, and one of the best gifts God has given me. Occasionally I wish I'd married a guy with more charisma or ambition, but then again my husband married a girl with "who hurt you vibes" and has made a good marriage of it. We serve at church. We raise our kids. We enjoy our relationship.