What is Female Solipsism?

A female reader wants to know what is meant by "female solipsism"

I’d like to better understand the concept of “female solipsism.” I’m wondering what your opinion is on this article entitled Traits of Borderline Personality Disorder in High Conflict Women. It seems that higher emotionality and higher sensitivity to others’ opinions was needed for women to maintain and promote relationships. However, it seems these traits may also lead to overfocus on oneself and behaviors to mitigate social shame (e.g., denial of blame).

First, as the reader noted, the article to which she linked addresses extreme female behavior, not ordinary female behavior. My opinion on the article is that it is entirely unrelated to the topic, since most women are neither BPD nor High Conflict, while most women, if not necessarily all, incline toward solipsism., I stopped reading it because I have no interest in “High Conflict Women” and have assiduously avoided having anything to do with women like that since high school.

Second, the concept of female solipsism is derived from the philosophical concept of solipsism, which is the perspective that the self is the only reality.

The only thing that’s real.

Female solipsism can therefore be described thusly: the female tendency to perceive all things solely as they relate to and affect her.

1st Man: Did you hear that Russia has invaded Ukraine!

2nd Man: Oh, wow, I wonder if they’re going to go for Kiev or Odessa first?

Woman: I had a Ukrainian hairdresser once. She took off way too much so I didn’t tip her.

This female tendency toward self-centric perception is readily observable in casual conversation, so you can easily test it for yourself. Throw in a new topic at random at any point and see how fast the woman being addressed is able to discover a tangent and utilize it in a manner that allows them to turn the conversation back to themselves.

1st Man: Is there a female version of the Socio-Sexual Hierarchy?

2nd Man: Maybe. I don’t know.

Woman: There definitely is! This one time, at band camp, a popular girl was mean to me! I used to play the clarinet. I just love music!

In general, when a group of people are talking and a woman interrupts to say something that is met with general silence before the men proceed with the conversation as if she never said anything, there is a pretty good chance that you just witnessed an example of female solipsism at work. In one-on-one conversations, if you find yourself thinking something along the lines of “WTF, where did that come from and what did it have to do with what we were talking about”, you’ve probably just had a direct encounter with it.

I suspect this is what it looks like inside a woman’s head when she’s changing the subject to one that is obviously much more fascinating to all and sundry.

Another, perhaps more subtle, way to observe female solipsism in action is to listen to a woman tell a story or relate a personal experience. Concentrate on what the central point of the information being shared is, which will usually be related to the punchline or revelation that is delivered at the end. What is often surprising isn’t so much the self-centric nature of the point - after all, everyone, male and female alike, enjoys talking about our favorite subject, which is to say, ourselves - but the sheer banality of it.

I once couldn’t help myself, and after listening to a woman tell mostly-male audience a long and convoluted tale that culminated in the astonishing news that she didn’t care about what someone we didn’t know had said about someone else we didn’t know, remarked that, by an astonishing coincidence, I didn’t care either!

It was, admittedly, funny. But based on her reaction, I probably shouldn’t have shared that happy fact of our mutual disinterest.