Two Perspectives on Sigma Game

Men and women alike feel the burn

A female reader explains why she continues to read this site - and even supports it - despite the fact that it occasionally makes her uncomfortable:

I have to admit that since I started reading this blog, I’ve found myself investing a lot of time in it. I can’t just skim the articles and comments in fifteen minutes because there’s always so much to process, and it often takes me time and contemplation to really understand the ideas being discussed.

That’s probably why I ended up subscribing. The article about the PUA community the other day was what finally convinced me to become a paying subscriber.

Understanding male and female nature isn’t easy. It seems the predominant perspective has been the delta view of women, which women instinctively know isn’t entirely true. Some women are frustrated by it, which leads them to lose respect for that view, even as they find it beneficial to maintain it.

There are moments when I want to get offended by what Vox writes about women—because I’d prefer it not to be true, or because I fear the unflattering parts might apply to me. And, honestly, they do. But it feels like we’re getting to the root of things, and that’s satisfying. It’s always better to have your feet on the ground than to be stuck in a cloud of delusion.

The truth about anyone, or any group of people, is seldom, if ever, unequivocally flattering. And I have no doubt that it comes as a complete shock to many women to be regularly presented with an unvarnished male opinion about female behavior, because nearly all men conceal what they actually think about it more carefully than the FBI has protected its files relating to the JFK assassination.

The reason female behavior is discussed so openly here, and with such a marked lack of deference, is because men need to be aware of it and understand it if they are going to improve themselves and their capabilities. This cannot happen if the usual delicate concern for female sensitivities is respected, so it isn’t.

We don’t always like what we see in the mirror. But you’d better get used to it, beause it only gets worse as you get older.

And while I don’t mind female commenters and have seen that some of them are capable of providing useful insights into both male and female behavioral patterns, it should be understood that I will not tolerate any of the customary female attempts to police or manage the discourse. It is always and absolutely pointless to even attempt to engage in whataboutism here; if you want to talk about how men are just the same as women in one context or another, there is the entire rest of the Internet where you can indulge yourself.

A male commenter provided a useful insight into the way in which Delta white-knighting mirrors the observed attraction bad boys hold for women, and how both behaviors are rooted in narcissism.

Women want to save the bad boys in the same way men want to be the white knight. Both are inherently narcissistic responses, centered upon the self and how good the self is.

Both project onto the other person what the Saver wants to see. What the saver thinks is good for the Person-to-be-Saved. It divorces from reality any actual responses of the Person-to-be-Saved to be actually repentant, to change their behavior, what might -actually- be good even if they were repentant, etc. Almost all the time, it takes it all upon the Saver, instead upon something healthy like God, the free will of the Person-to-be-Saved, and other social structures such as friends, family, Church, employment, etc.

The male side of this usually views it as a project. Like he has to build a castle around her, drive out the enemies, slay the foes, and she just has to listen to all his advice. It's incredibly infantilizing, resentment builds up on both side very often, and usually the man doesn't have the strength of character to actually speak his mind. He becomes a co-dependent enabler, and it all spirals back to an awful place within whatever time it takes the woman to return to her ways, depending upon her personality, circumstances, needs, etc.

Men in general, and Deltas in particular, like to view themselves as the hero of their own drama. The only role that the woman involved needs to play is that of victim and the only characteristics that she needs to have initially are a) being attractive and b) being in need of rescue. Of course, after being rescued, she needs to be c) grateful and d) duly attracted to her rescuer.

Every Clark Kent dreams of being Superman and rescuing Lois Lane.

It’s no wonder that women find it so difficult to stick to the simplistic script that the Delta has constructed in his mind, or that the hero is bound to be disappointed when the victim he has rescued inevitably fails to do so.

With the possible exception of Gammas, I think it’s much easier for men to hear and accept the uncomfortable truths here, however disappointing or soul-shattering they might be, because men are much more inured to being criticized given the way in which modern society often appears to be structured as one massive indictment of them, their preferences, and their patterns of behavior.

But at the end of the day, the truth is what it is. And if you wish to master yourself and improve your chances of success in a world where the deck is always stacked in someone’s favor, it is wise to take the advice of Sun Tzu and seek to know yourself as well as you know your friends, your rivals, and your enemies.