The Right Moment is Now
Advice for men who are afraid to take their shot
I received a moderate Wall of Text today from a reader. I won’t replicate it because I don’t want to give any clues who he is, but let’s just say his plight is an extraordinarily common one.
There is a girl.
He likes her.
She spends a lot of time with him when she doesn’t have to.
He is worried about whether he is reading her signals correctly and is afraid to take his shot with her.
What to do?
I wouldn’t say that we have necessarily all been there, but most of us have been in at least similar situations at one time or another; I can think of at least two occasions myself. And what I can say, with absolute certainty, is that regardless of the outcome, what you will absolutely regret later is not going for it and failing, but not going for it.
Because if you go for it and fail, at least you’ll know down the road that you gave her the choice and the chance. She always gets a vote, after all. You may even eventually get the cold comfort that she wishes she had chosen otherwise, although that is really not anywhere nearly as satisfying as some would imagine it might be. But whether she eventually regrets shooting you down or not, the onus for nothing ever happening between the two of you will always be on her, and not on you.
Which means you won’t find yourself lamenting your own cowardice months, years, and perhaps even decades later.
Getting shot down is very far from the worst thing that can happen. Do you really think it will be emotionally easier on you to get involved with someone for a while, then either a) feel the desire to break it off with them or b) have them dump you? Believe it or not, getting shot down is probably the second easiest outcome, so it’s absolutely nothing to be afraid of or to avoid.
The worst outcome is to never take the shot and always be aware that you’ll never know how things could have been had you been a man of sufficient courage to give her the chance to say yes to you.
Eight final words of advice: Don’t talk. Don’t discuss. Don’t ask. Just act.
I went to college as a pretty low-value boy. I sat behind this pretty girl from Japan and thought, "High school MD would sit here and pine after her silently, wondering if she would ever look over her shoulder and notice him. College MD is going to take his shot." We're married now with three kids, and have been together for more than half our lives. ALWAYS take the shot.
just don't live stream it or propose in front of her 50 closest friends.