My boss is an alpha and I love working for/with him. He's in his sixties, but still looks much younger. He works out and you can tell he (still) cares about how he looks. He's the tallest man in our company and very handsome. Even at this age there is something flirtatious about him. Had I met him in in his twenties and had he actively pursue me, I probably wouldn't be able to say no to him. But now, he's more like a father figure to me and to the rest of my co-workers. He genuinely cares about our well being and often surprises us with small gestures of gratitude, like a coffee or a snack from our wending machine. He takes challenges head on and isnt afraid of them. Always willing to jump into conflict and resolve it. He hates direct confrontation and wants us to follow his orders without questioning them. Thanks to this sub-stack I've learned how to communicate and work with him, which has helped me enormously. I love working in an environment where (male) hierarchy is in place. P.S.Alpha actually co-owns this company woth his brother, who is a sigma. I'd love to share the perspective on their relationship as well should the need and interest for it arise.
My biological Father was an Alpha. My dating pool consisted of mainly Alphas and I am still in a pool of Alphas in my parish and personal ife through friends. In high school, I attracted the Alphas in the subculture cliques (punk and metal kids) but never had any interest in footballers. I was approached but there was no commonality.
Until I married my handsome Sigma, I was engaged to an Alpha. I enjoyed our relationship, he was charismatic, could start and end a fight whenever he wanted, really, and he put me at the center whenever we were in pulic. He took me everywhere and included me in everything he did. Im not ranked high in attractiveness, but, I do have a strong drive to do things and a submissive 'spirit', for lack of a less gay word. I wasn't a damsel in distress but I also wasn't boss-girling with my time so the Alphas took that and ran.
As for being in a serious relationship with Alphas, I loved it. Well, most of it. Very attentive, always gave their best, I loved how they tried to impress me with their interests and the enthusiastic ways they spoke about them. Great conversationalists. If possessing a good sense of humor, good jokes. Just a lot of fun. I did find it exhausting to always have to 'check in' with them about them as a partner or, if I was ill, them not being happy about being ranked lower in attention, but, that depends on the Alpha. I was also never married to one, so I assume this is all very different when they are the marrying type. Mine weren't. It was also exhausting fending off the other women. My ex-fiance could be smooching me in public and women would come up and grab his arm muscles, rub his chest, play with his hair or grab his "area", if they were drunk. All within him just saying hello. He had no interest in them but did find the attention alluring. He also knew I didn't want to fight anyone so he would milk the attention if he was trying to get me to step up my game with putting him center. Low morals. I wouldn't go back, after marrying my Sigma, but I did have many good experiences.
I met an Alpha when I was 18 at rec league volleyball. I was dating a Bravo (my husband now). They hit it off and this guy took my husband under his wing and gave him a direction in life. It was crazy to watch how well they got along and how much my husband needed that leadership. They ended up joining the military together and stayed friends for several years since they were on the same base at first. Looking back, I notice that he was encouraging, generous with time and resources, willing to deal with people, and full of vision. Maybe there are a lot of slighted women out there who don't have a lot of appreciation for alphas, but I am especially grateful for the way that I was indirectly benefitted by these positive traits of an alpha.
I went on a date with a guy I matched with on an app, didn’t spend enough time with him to observe his behavior patterns, but there were a few things that made him register as high status to me. Leadership positions and accomplishments through all his careers, very forward and confident, really competitive and loves winning, fit and well dressed.
The date was different from other matches I had met. It didn’t feel like he was trying to audition for me (edit: which is awkward and uncomfortable), we were just having fun. If anything, I felt like I was being appraised, but he was very charming about it, not criticizing.
I also felt like I could relax without pressure to manage his feelings and reactions. I could be more flirty and playful without fear that he would take it as anything other than good fun. No worry about leading him on or hurting his feelings. Which is not to say that all non-alphas require handling with caution, it’s just been a bit of a pattern I’ve noticed from personal experience.
Going out with him helped me understand the other guys I’ve gone out with. Never before had I gotten a crush on someone just from meeting them once. I thought it was kind of odd when men would indicate they were really into me after the first date, I didn’t think it was normal to crush on someone you’ve only spent a few hours with in person. But I learned my lesson.
I haven’t met hardly any Alphas that I can think of , at least if I did I wasn’t familiar enough with the concept to understand who/ what they were at the time. But my husband is a Sigma and I imagine some of the overlap is similar. The number one trait that comes to mind is that they are not easily manipulated which is excellent , and actually very reassuring when it comes to trusting / submitting to a husband’s leadership.
My husband's uncle is an Alpha. I was impressed when he had his young, blonde girlfriend and TWO of his ex-wives at his daughter's wedding! All three stunning women to look at. He was constantly walking around, greeting people, making sure everyone had their glasses full, making sure everyone was having a good time, that his daughter didn't want for anything etcetera. His son (my husband's cousin) is also an Alpha, but a Bravo to his dad. It was interesting to watch how the son would take over the care for the wedding guests when his dad disappeared later during the evening, keeping everyone's spirits up.
Side story about my husband's cousin, that illustrates how confrontational and protective Alphas can be: there was this old lady who for some stupid reason had decided to take out her small fortune from the bank. In cash. In a briefcase. Alone. She got jumped by some guy on her way out of the bank. He pushed her to the ground and took the briefcase and started sprinting away from the scene. My husband's cousin witnessed this, and naturally started running after the guy. He's tall, strong and fit, so even after he got pepper sprayed by this guy he didn't give up. Eventually he took him to the ground. Funny thing is I read about the incident in the newspaper before anyone had told me. As I was reading it I thought to myself "Hmmm, that sounds like something N.N. would do." I wasn't surprised when I learned that it was, in fact, him.
It was a slow start but the ladies really came through with good, positive comments about Alphas. The word count per comment is probably not a coincidence.
My perception of Alphas is that they generally feel very safe to be around. I found some of the earlier commentary about sexual transactions to be a bit off. One of the best perks about being around alphas is that they have options. There is no pressure to have sex or kiss or whatever. I think that is all projection of insecurity. It can be incredibly intoxicating to feel protected by an Alpha but it doesnt guarantee he is attracted to you. He naturally enforces order which sometimes means correcting a lower status male or taking care of his community. That's probably where the alpha backlash starts but if you are just friends it is just that. I know men who will buy a whole group of girls dinner with no expectations and than go off to the girl they want to see and give nothing. I suppose one could call this a vice but its really just male immaturity.
Positives are fiercely protective, no sexual pressure and it is rare for them to hear your secrets and want to weaponize them. Alphas dont think of information as power. They think of it as... well information. You can pour your heart out to an Alpha and he will maintain composure for both of you while managing to extract key details. Just the facts, ma'am. In fact, I think Bravos who are able to sort of prescreen and triage these matters as the Alpha would are the most valued because they bring him clear information and he can make a decision. Decisiveness is another. It is so nice to have a man say, we are going to x and then y and z. And if that doesnt work out even if you complain about it he knows that he will live with the consequences. He likely chose that knowing the worst possible outcome and still chose it and typically its somewhere between the best and worst outcome so what are we complaining about? Onto the next thing.
Negative aspects are they can be a bit intellectually lazy and that's because they have access to desirable women and men who will do their bidding. However, this is problematic when Alphas consistently come up with stupid solutions and everyone suffers. The only thing worse than picking the stupid solutions is letting someone else pick them and abandoning authority. Which I get because its tough to be the king but oh well. It is your plight. Another negative aspect is they are a little too comfortable being dishonest. This is likely another symptom of being in charge and having to constantly manage morale. It's going to be okay is technically a lie if you dont know but this can trickle into other falsehoods. You're the only one! And that's true to him in the moment. He is focused on you and your problems and those other girls can just wait.
Finally, patience is somehow both. Alphas can tolerate so much but they can also allow too much. I dont loathe the man who has to find this balance. He cant lose his temper but he must express anger. He can't cry but he must mourn. And the job is just never done. I always think about getting bothered on your daughter's wedding day like the scene in the Godfather. Its understandable why men would want to walk away and they have.
As I listen to the woes of the current dating scene, I cant help but think where is the shame in these men. The ones who whine and dont pay and are afraid girls are out to get them and make fun of them and take all their money. Its because they haven't been bullied by an alpha. All the Alphas today are too busy being overwhelmed by all their easy prospects.
"I know men who will buy a whole group of girls dinner with no expectations and than go off to the girl they want to see"
We had an amusing moment earlier this year, when after a rough couple of days at work my husband invited a couple of the younger staff - female, but the young man in the office would have been invited as well - out for a couple of drinks after work on his dime. He called and invited me to join them, which I did because the place they went has great drinks. Had a lovely evening chatting with the younger women, and we all went to a place to have actual dinner afterward.
The funny thing was that the next day, one of the women confided to my husband that she was worried when I first got there: she expected me to be upset that he was there with two young women, and thought there was about to be a scene. Never occurred to me to be upset; he always takes care of his people, but they get his work persona. I get his love.
That is awesome! I think him calling to invite you shows the trust you have. He knew you weren't going to freak out, you knew it was what is was, a drink and dinner. That is hard to fathom for people.
As I read through the other comments, it seems to me that many women are willing to designate their favorite men as alphas even when describing behaviors of other SSH patterns. It is an endearing trait despite the category error. Perhaps that, could be its own aside as we ponder Alphas.
There could be a bit of that. There is also the ability for an Alpha to engage in behaviors that are associated with low-status without paying the same social cost as a low-status individual would. IMO an Alpha is quite a bit of who he is rather than what he does.
I think it's been said before, "It's only low-status when we do it."
I think that's why I call it immaturity. It is easy to assume alphas are just moving through life "using" everyone because almost every other aspect has to think this way. At the heart of the alpha vice is potential for virtue. An immature alpha gives people whatever they show up needing - these girls wanted dinner and to chat, this woman wanted sex, this man wants to not be in charge. Maturing for an alpha means breaking the people pleasing aspect of this and learning to give people what they need and what is good for the group not what they want. Sending that woman back to her husband, holding a man accountable for his work, etc. I actually do think alphas have the opposite affliction of delta one-itis. They can love, or at least appreciate, many people at a time. They have to or they couldn't lead a community. But honoring commitments is what keeps a community strong.
Thanks for sharing your perspective. I appreciate how hard it is to discuss our more unsavory instincts.
"They can love, or at least appreciate, many people at a time. They have to or they couldn't lead a community. But honoring commitments is what keeps a community strong."
well said. It truly is a blessing and a burden at the same time.
As a low-tier woman, I've not been around many Alphas, but the ones I have crossed paths with have treated me with surprising kindness, when I expected only indifference or scorn. Their popularity and the loyalty they inspire is easy to understand.
I have been badly mistreated by men, but never from an Alpha. It's mostly the Gammas that are mean to women. Unless you do something bad that can't be tolerated - then other ranks, Bravos especially, will correct you.
Indeed. Alphas in my social circle are varying degrees of annoying and contrarian when we are among ourselves, but since Vox wrote about this I started paying attention. When we are in public they are very well behaved to women and low status men who don't step out of line. Just the other day I was at a bar with one, I thought he was going to create a problem or something, but he was very well behaved even when drunk. Maybe especially when drunk, I'm not sure.
Nothing new to add, so just reprising my comments from an earlier thread on life with Alphas:
Dread Game is a real thing. There is an underlying knowledge that if I act like a harpy, lose my figure, behave badly or act in a way that causes my husband to lose face that I could be replaced. He's a man of faith and unlikely to take that step due to his convictions, but I mind my behaviour anyway because I don't want it to even cross his mind.
There are always, I mean ALWAYS, willing women who compete for his attention, even if they're not really aware they're doing so. Once when our youngest was little and we were out somewhere, Husband said "come here right now!" in a stern voice, talking to our son. A young, beautiful stranger woman trotted over and stood at attention next to Husband's knee. There are plenty more of her lurking around, so I am always mindful to be the best me I can be, and the best wife to my husband that I can be, so he doesn't get any funny ideas about replacing me.
Part 2: He also has a knack for reining in Gammas. Back in the day my SIL was dating a guy named Lawrence (he pronounced it Law-RAUNCE). A theatre-type guy. Husband started calling him Larry Baby, while making finger guns at him. Husband's football team friends picked up on it and he became Larry-Baby-with-finger-guns at every social gathering. Gamma put up with it with (for a gamma) good grace, because he was invited to all the "cool kids" parties. If he pitched a fit, Law-RAUNCE would have been banished immediately. The gamma reined in his worst behaviour as a result.
Part 3: Mother of an Alpha Son
Alpha is my middle of 3 boys. Eldest son is a gamma, youngest son is Bravo to Alpha's alpha, but he might be an emerging Sigma in his own peer group. It's too soon to tell, he's young yet.
Other than Husband, Alpha is the only one in the family who can deal with my gamma son with any sort of composure. Alpha even makes sure to include him in gatherings (epic forest parties, for example) where Gamma would never otherwise be invited.
He was a beautiful baby, a handsome and charming child and now in his early 20s is the stereotypical alpha male. 6'4, handsome, chiseled jaw, at college on an athletic scholarship, chased by girls, sought after by guy-groupies. Life of the party, leader of the pack, blah blah blah. Fortunately he has a kind heart and a sweetness to him that outweighs the dark triad traits. As a small child it was incredibly hard to discipline him, partly because he was so handsome and charming it was often hard to keep a stern demeanour and not melt from the cuteness, but also because other women in the vicinity -- my mother being the worst culprit -- would start dishing it up to me for being "mean" to him. (I was a pigtailed-and-beribboned baby of the family in my childhood so I'd already cornered the market on getting away with murder and didn't want my boy to grow up spoilt like I was. Reining him in was HARD).
Women of all ages fall at his feet and have since he was about 14 y.o (6 ft 1 and looked around 19 at the time) and I've been trying to teach him all his life to use this power for good, not evil. That he's going to have girls throwing themselves at him but that he needs to be kind, not cruel, in giving them the heave-ho where appropriate. To be gentlemanly and honourable rather than a cad. During the quarantines he was working at the local grocery store. The store owner had him on the door as a bouncer because the crowds were unruly. Local moms and grannies would regularly show up with hand-knit socks and homemade cookies as gifts for him when they arrived to do the weekly shop.
I think the most interesting thing is watching the Alpha-Alpha dynamic between him and his dad, as they work toward figuring out which one of them is the Apex Alpha in our family circle. It's touch and go at the moment. So far Alpha-Son has handled Alpha-Dad with respect and gentleness, so it will likely be more of a passing of the torch than a battle. Raising him has been a real trip.
It really was. Mr. Churn sort of looked at her funny, said something like, "Not you, him." and got on with reining in little Bravo. He was completely unfazed, I was trying not to laugh.
Is it an awkward dynamic having the older brother be the Gamma and the middle brother be the Alpha? How old were they when those appellations became evident?
No, not really. Alpha Son is a natural leader and all the other children just accept it. The awkwardness comes more when Bravo and Gamma are interacting without Alpha. Bravo is a natural enforcer but he's the baby brother. Gamma, being the eldest boy, finds it beneath his dignity to be taking direction from the baby. Of course, now that B is 16, 6'1 and jacked from football and a lot of gym time, it's much less of an issue. Gamma, though very tall, is willowy and not prone to fight.
I was very surprised when my youngest of five boys turned out to be the Alpha. Not what I expected. I do have an older son who tries (unsuccessfully) to take him down a notch or two, but they're so far apart in age that it's mostly just funny. Especially seeing how the child naturally deals with the young adult usurper to his thrown.
Being the daughter of a Christian Alpha dad is the best. High standards, a safe nest, a mom with the resources and status to mother her offspring. Great genes 😋
Best of all you have a standard of male excellence to bring prospective mates home to. No gammas! And the husbands they become have a loyal pattern of virtue.
IDK what would have happened if one of my sisters or I had fallen for a sigma. But for the Bravo or Delta romantic interests, it helps seal the deal.
My husband’s father, his oldest brother and my older brother are all Alphas.
They are all clear leaders in their own ways, and it’s totally true that women FALL at their feet and people in general just gravitate to them and they can make things happen in many unexpected and brilliant ways.
Makes me laugh just thinking about it. For example, my FIL had 5 different women bringing all kinds of things visiting him on a rotation when he was in hospital with a broken femur for 2 months. One would smuggle in wine, another smoked salmon, another a fruit basket, cashmere socks etc etc for months!!
This does not include the efforts of his much younger gf or children.
Alphas are all way more loving/thoughtful than they get credit for- they can be seen as aloof/ selfish/cold when it’s them trying to figure out how to best manage situations to create good out comes for everyone they invite into their spheres. I guess when an alpha gives you their full attention, it feels like a sting when the sun is suddenly shining else where but they have a full plate of leadership and it’s not malice they are busy people. Sometimes I really enjoy being around Alphas as they can be very fun but wouldn’t want to be married to one although I suspect I thankfully wouldn’t make the cut as an Alphas romantic partner. They def leave their partners to their own devices/ sun is not always shining directly - and they have high expectations of them - the comments about the co piloting seemed correct from what I’ve witnessed. They need to be married to women that are truly confident & disciplined in themselves and not putting on a front. I wanted to add that that bible verses about Wives being the crown 👑 of their husbands and the other one about proactive wives running tight households really describe successful Alpha wives.
I spent many years on the mission field, where leadership positions on teams and bases disproportionately attract Alphas, and in my small region alone I watched at least four rise quickly, shine brightly, make such headway in so little time... and then fall to adultery, bringing families and ministries with them. It was always the same story, and I wish we knew about the SSH then, because it probably could have saved so much. But there were also Alphas who at least appear to have remained faithful, and they literally hold things together, constantly repairing the things that the Deltas, the Gammas, and the women who are put into leadership inevitably either let go of or destroy.
When I was still a young, single woman I led a difficult, inexperienced short term team to a difficult country for several months, and one of my team members was an Alpha, several years younger than myself, who my leadership team had already identified during the preparation phase as being unusually competent and magnetic. Only a week into the trip, he told me that he had been apprehensive about my leading the team, but that he was impressed with my abilities, and that he was going to support me. Naturally, as a woman being complimented by an Alpha - even if it meant that he was really in the superior position as judge - I was flattered, and he really was my right-hand man. I've always been grateful for his assistance and support as my situational Bravo. After finding out about the SSH, I looked him up, sure that he must have gone far, and sure enough, he had several companies and, shockingly, was on his second wife.
One of my uncles is a small-town Alpha, who would probably be a Delta in a larger pond. He is tall, but not really handsome and nowhere near fit. He owns a trucking company, and works very hard to take care of "his guys", making sure they all have the work they need to provide for their families. I took a trip with him one time; he was constantly communicating with all kinds of people on three or four different cell phones, everyone at the truck stops knew him and he knew them, the waitresses flirted with him shamelessly. As a child I was always intimidated by him, because I knew that he wasn't afraid of putting me on the spot and wouldn't take no for an answer (very different from my Delta father). He took us snowmobiling on his land when I was a teenager, and insisted that I try out a maneuver I didn't want to do; when I got stuck, as was sure to happen, he refused to help me and made me do it myself, talking me through it, and sure enough I was able to get out. As for women, he ran away from home and married his first wife at 17, but he's on his third wife now. She's not thin, but she's a lot younger than him and has never been married before, no children.
Finally, when my husband and I were newlyweds we visited a new church. They had no pastor at the time, but the chair of the board was very tall and commanding, very friendly, and had a very pretty, elegant, sweet wife, who immediately invited us over for dinner. I eventually learned that this happened to everyone who visited their church. We were welcomed, investigated and strongly encouraged to continue coming. We did, and became members, and since the Alpha was always looking for eligible young men to promote, my husband was soon asked to join the board. If I had known about the SSH and Sigma behaviour, I would not have pushed for any of this, but I did. My husband joined because he saw the position as being useful for his business. A new Delta pastor was hired, and his micromanaging intruded into my husband's department. Sigma husband says "this is my jurisdiction, if you have a problem with that, take it to the board", Alpha chair (who is also the richest man in the church and who is very respectful of the pastoral position but by no means threatened by the Delta) tells Sigma "just let the pastor have his way". Sigma says "that goes against the bylaws that the congregation voted in place, if you want to have the pastor in charge of this then change the bylaws". Meanwhile everyone is VERY confused about who is in charge of what and what is happening. Anyways, eventually the Sigma resigns because he never really cared about it anyways, Alpha chair changes the bylaws for the Delta pastor because he is paranoid about having something like this happen again (it won't - what are the odds another Sigma would join the board), and the Bravo belatedly threatens the Sigma who has already been distancing himself. And we never saw Alpha, Bravo or Delta again.
My FIL is an alpha. He is always extremely busy, putting out fires, managing people and jobs, and constantly on the phone or road checking in to make sure everyone has what they need and is getting the job done right. He has tolerance and patience for coaching, educating, and guiding, but if you arent giving it your best effort he will cut you out and find another person to do the job. He seems to exemplify "Go big or go home" with every social interaction as well. Because he is so busy, i think the Alpha charisma and social finesse help him make up for the quality time he misses out on with friends and family. He may not be able to spend a ton of time with his family as a Delta or Bravo would, but when he does, he is fully present and interactive with everyone.
Something I've noticed in an Alpha I've watched, he is way too comfortable giving women in his employ too much responsibility. Other men seem so far beneath him competitively that he doesn't see a functional difference between men and women, and he'll give the whole show away to a barely competent gal. Bless her heart, she can't do as well as I can, but neither can any man! As he gets older, it gets worse, because he also loves the fawning. This probably applies to other Alphas, and I think I saw that in the first Trump administration. The new (maybenot)Trump admin seems to have corrected that, for the most part.
Haha, nobody’s going. That’s hilarious. Probably because we don’t want to admit we’re not high enough on the hierarchy to land an Alpha.
But most of us have dealt with them. My dad was an Alpha. Everyone agreed he was an asshole — and also the guy you could always count on when things went bad. You just felt safe around him. He always knew what to do, what to say, how to fix it. I grew up in a rough area, and when people found out who my dad was, they’d never mess with me. They knew there’d be consequences.
Alphas aren’t intimidated by women the way Deltas are. They’ll call you out, no hesitation. A Delta will pretend your fart smells like Cinnabon or just smile blankly because he can’t process that women fart too. An Alpha? He’ll tell you straight: “Get that stank out of here.” Equal-opportunity accountability.
In the military, people think the system’s rigid. It’s not. It’s fluid as hell. Deltas and Gammas don’t see it — they stay stuck. Alphas see the angles, the currents, the openings. They know how to move through them.
One of my platoon sergeants was a full-blown Alpha — crazy, alcoholic, and hero-worshipped by everyone. He’d always find a way to dodge the stupid details and line us up for the good stuff instead. Always out there making connections, cutting deals. Just like my dad — total asshole, but everyone felt safer when he was around because you knew he’d take care of it.
And here’s the kicker: because Alphas are naturally attractive to women, the environment becomes even more fluid around them. Doors open, resistance melts. It’s like Philip K. Dick’s The Golden Man — the mutant who can see the future but not the past, and survives because women can’t say no to him. No matter what the men do, the women become the weak point — protecting him instinctively, ensuring he spreads his genes. Reality bends around him not through effort or manipulation, but because female instinct clears the path. That’s what being near a true Alpha feels like: the world rearranges itself around him.
Deltas think, “It has to be this way.” Alphas know nothing’s fixed. They can sense how things can shift. Half the time they know what you need before you even realize it. Once I walked up to a platoon about to board a flight — didn’t even say a word — and the Alpha there just looked at me, figured it out, and got me a seat.
A low-ranking Alpha in a Delta-run company usually becomes the right-hand man — the one everyone quietly follows. And if a platoon’s stuck under a dangerous Gamma, it’s always that young Alpha who steps up and gets the guy removed. I saw that before Iraq. The guys flat-out refused to follow a clown into combat. Even the women who hated him couldn’t ignore him. They’d still check what he thought before they acted.
Interesting, the thing about men not liking the Alpha but the women liking him.
I wonder if that happens in younger years as well.
My 6.5 yr old son is having trouble making friends, but everywhere we go there is always a long-haired little girl chasing him, dancing with him, holding his hand going down the slide. lol Wonder how that will turn out as he gets older.
Yes! Dad running through God knows how many trades to get the Captain his stupid piano back when he was a lowly jig, then pushing into overboard before the pilot boat reached them at home port, because *it was not supposed to be there*.
Thank you for this! " Probably because we don’t want to admit we’re not high enough on the hierarchy to land an Alpha."
My experiences with Alphas are strictly within a work or social group environment. One of the most evident characteristics seems to be that you know when he is in the room. Things gravitate to him: women, other men, small children. While he will take charge of a situation, it is not necessarily malicious or intended to outshine all the other men. It just is what it is.
If you fall under what he considers part of his group, he will extend his sphere of influence over you. This includes correction, if necessary, but also protection and assistance. If you blow him off enough times, he will walk away and let you fend for yourself. When I have seen this, the Alphas were truly hurt by it, but they focused on other things instead of letting this side-track their whole day. This isn't to say they don't remember it or don't bring it up. It means that they know they have other responsibilities.
They are not threatened by women. If one woman blows him off, there are several others fawning over him.
He has confidence in his people, which plays into allowing men and women to do a job with less micromanaging than less confident individuals. Sometimes, he carries the confidence of knowing that he can fix whatever mistake his underling makes.
Because he delegates and trusts his people and his own instincts, bad actors can sometimes infiltrate and cause a ruckus.
They want to be problem-solvers and think outside the box when there is a delay. They don't like sitting and waiting. In a situation for which I was extremely grateful for an Alpha's assistance, a rather difficult situation came up with a customer, and we were at an impasse. The customer had had dealings with the Alpha in the past and trusted him. However, what was needed was outside of his area of expertise, hence why my group was dealing with it. The customer and I went round and round and were both frustrated and unable to communicate effectively. He got to hear about it from multiple sides. He offered a solution that was completely inappropriate, but his solution reopened communication. The customer and I could then reach a solution and move forward. (I wish I had understood and recognized this at the time. Without him the situation would have continued to deteriorate.)
His ability to see the big picture means he knows what can happen if certain things align. This gives him the confidence to pursue his goals with a single-minded focus because he knows what is important. He can seemingly fire without feeling any guilt or change direction without warning. For the rest of us, it is mystifying. The positive end-result is magical.
Alpha widow does not just apply to romantic relationships. When you have seen a successful Alpha in action and worked with him, he sets the standard for all other bosses and supervisors. I have seen this play out when an Alpha sold his business, even trying to find the right person to hand it over to, and his closest employees will leave to follow someone else. They don't realize that the culture that they worked in was largely due to the personality of the Alpha and the group he bult around him. Copying his behaviors will only get the new person or people so far. This is playing out all over with successful businesses that are bought and then appear to be run into the ground after a few years.
This is perfect. There really are few absolutes in dealing with, well anything. People sometimes get butt-hurt when you change something in order to get a solution. It’s frustrating but sometimes necessary in order to move forward.
"Probably because we don’t want to admit we’re not high enough on the hierarchy to land an Alpha."
Sharing Delta stories are cute examples of flustered men stammering in the presence of GIRL, and the occasional proud moments he worked up the courage to do the manly thing. It's flattering to a woman to talk about her Delta stories.
Alpha stories involve more heartbreak and female vulnerability. Not as flattering and requires a frame of why he didn't pick you. "Actually I'm not into Alphas."
Thanks to every lady who shared her experiences. It's good to get your perspective.
My boss is an alpha and I love working for/with him. He's in his sixties, but still looks much younger. He works out and you can tell he (still) cares about how he looks. He's the tallest man in our company and very handsome. Even at this age there is something flirtatious about him. Had I met him in in his twenties and had he actively pursue me, I probably wouldn't be able to say no to him. But now, he's more like a father figure to me and to the rest of my co-workers. He genuinely cares about our well being and often surprises us with small gestures of gratitude, like a coffee or a snack from our wending machine. He takes challenges head on and isnt afraid of them. Always willing to jump into conflict and resolve it. He hates direct confrontation and wants us to follow his orders without questioning them. Thanks to this sub-stack I've learned how to communicate and work with him, which has helped me enormously. I love working in an environment where (male) hierarchy is in place. P.S.Alpha actually co-owns this company woth his brother, who is a sigma. I'd love to share the perspective on their relationship as well should the need and interest for it arise.
My biological Father was an Alpha. My dating pool consisted of mainly Alphas and I am still in a pool of Alphas in my parish and personal ife through friends. In high school, I attracted the Alphas in the subculture cliques (punk and metal kids) but never had any interest in footballers. I was approached but there was no commonality.
Until I married my handsome Sigma, I was engaged to an Alpha. I enjoyed our relationship, he was charismatic, could start and end a fight whenever he wanted, really, and he put me at the center whenever we were in pulic. He took me everywhere and included me in everything he did. Im not ranked high in attractiveness, but, I do have a strong drive to do things and a submissive 'spirit', for lack of a less gay word. I wasn't a damsel in distress but I also wasn't boss-girling with my time so the Alphas took that and ran.
As for being in a serious relationship with Alphas, I loved it. Well, most of it. Very attentive, always gave their best, I loved how they tried to impress me with their interests and the enthusiastic ways they spoke about them. Great conversationalists. If possessing a good sense of humor, good jokes. Just a lot of fun. I did find it exhausting to always have to 'check in' with them about them as a partner or, if I was ill, them not being happy about being ranked lower in attention, but, that depends on the Alpha. I was also never married to one, so I assume this is all very different when they are the marrying type. Mine weren't. It was also exhausting fending off the other women. My ex-fiance could be smooching me in public and women would come up and grab his arm muscles, rub his chest, play with his hair or grab his "area", if they were drunk. All within him just saying hello. He had no interest in them but did find the attention alluring. He also knew I didn't want to fight anyone so he would milk the attention if he was trying to get me to step up my game with putting him center. Low morals. I wouldn't go back, after marrying my Sigma, but I did have many good experiences.
I met an Alpha when I was 18 at rec league volleyball. I was dating a Bravo (my husband now). They hit it off and this guy took my husband under his wing and gave him a direction in life. It was crazy to watch how well they got along and how much my husband needed that leadership. They ended up joining the military together and stayed friends for several years since they were on the same base at first. Looking back, I notice that he was encouraging, generous with time and resources, willing to deal with people, and full of vision. Maybe there are a lot of slighted women out there who don't have a lot of appreciation for alphas, but I am especially grateful for the way that I was indirectly benefitted by these positive traits of an alpha.
I agree. I'm forever loyal to the Alpha who has put so much trust in my Bravo husband. Even if he is a little crazy.
I went on a date with a guy I matched with on an app, didn’t spend enough time with him to observe his behavior patterns, but there were a few things that made him register as high status to me. Leadership positions and accomplishments through all his careers, very forward and confident, really competitive and loves winning, fit and well dressed.
The date was different from other matches I had met. It didn’t feel like he was trying to audition for me (edit: which is awkward and uncomfortable), we were just having fun. If anything, I felt like I was being appraised, but he was very charming about it, not criticizing.
I also felt like I could relax without pressure to manage his feelings and reactions. I could be more flirty and playful without fear that he would take it as anything other than good fun. No worry about leading him on or hurting his feelings. Which is not to say that all non-alphas require handling with caution, it’s just been a bit of a pattern I’ve noticed from personal experience.
Going out with him helped me understand the other guys I’ve gone out with. Never before had I gotten a crush on someone just from meeting them once. I thought it was kind of odd when men would indicate they were really into me after the first date, I didn’t think it was normal to crush on someone you’ve only spent a few hours with in person. But I learned my lesson.
I haven’t met hardly any Alphas that I can think of , at least if I did I wasn’t familiar enough with the concept to understand who/ what they were at the time. But my husband is a Sigma and I imagine some of the overlap is similar. The number one trait that comes to mind is that they are not easily manipulated which is excellent , and actually very reassuring when it comes to trusting / submitting to a husband’s leadership.
My husband's uncle is an Alpha. I was impressed when he had his young, blonde girlfriend and TWO of his ex-wives at his daughter's wedding! All three stunning women to look at. He was constantly walking around, greeting people, making sure everyone had their glasses full, making sure everyone was having a good time, that his daughter didn't want for anything etcetera. His son (my husband's cousin) is also an Alpha, but a Bravo to his dad. It was interesting to watch how the son would take over the care for the wedding guests when his dad disappeared later during the evening, keeping everyone's spirits up.
Side story about my husband's cousin, that illustrates how confrontational and protective Alphas can be: there was this old lady who for some stupid reason had decided to take out her small fortune from the bank. In cash. In a briefcase. Alone. She got jumped by some guy on her way out of the bank. He pushed her to the ground and took the briefcase and started sprinting away from the scene. My husband's cousin witnessed this, and naturally started running after the guy. He's tall, strong and fit, so even after he got pepper sprayed by this guy he didn't give up. Eventually he took him to the ground. Funny thing is I read about the incident in the newspaper before anyone had told me. As I was reading it I thought to myself "Hmmm, that sounds like something N.N. would do." I wasn't surprised when I learned that it was, in fact, him.
It was a slow start but the ladies really came through with good, positive comments about Alphas. The word count per comment is probably not a coincidence.
Just wait till you see the word count per comment for the sigmas
My perception of Alphas is that they generally feel very safe to be around. I found some of the earlier commentary about sexual transactions to be a bit off. One of the best perks about being around alphas is that they have options. There is no pressure to have sex or kiss or whatever. I think that is all projection of insecurity. It can be incredibly intoxicating to feel protected by an Alpha but it doesnt guarantee he is attracted to you. He naturally enforces order which sometimes means correcting a lower status male or taking care of his community. That's probably where the alpha backlash starts but if you are just friends it is just that. I know men who will buy a whole group of girls dinner with no expectations and than go off to the girl they want to see and give nothing. I suppose one could call this a vice but its really just male immaturity.
Positives are fiercely protective, no sexual pressure and it is rare for them to hear your secrets and want to weaponize them. Alphas dont think of information as power. They think of it as... well information. You can pour your heart out to an Alpha and he will maintain composure for both of you while managing to extract key details. Just the facts, ma'am. In fact, I think Bravos who are able to sort of prescreen and triage these matters as the Alpha would are the most valued because they bring him clear information and he can make a decision. Decisiveness is another. It is so nice to have a man say, we are going to x and then y and z. And if that doesnt work out even if you complain about it he knows that he will live with the consequences. He likely chose that knowing the worst possible outcome and still chose it and typically its somewhere between the best and worst outcome so what are we complaining about? Onto the next thing.
Negative aspects are they can be a bit intellectually lazy and that's because they have access to desirable women and men who will do their bidding. However, this is problematic when Alphas consistently come up with stupid solutions and everyone suffers. The only thing worse than picking the stupid solutions is letting someone else pick them and abandoning authority. Which I get because its tough to be the king but oh well. It is your plight. Another negative aspect is they are a little too comfortable being dishonest. This is likely another symptom of being in charge and having to constantly manage morale. It's going to be okay is technically a lie if you dont know but this can trickle into other falsehoods. You're the only one! And that's true to him in the moment. He is focused on you and your problems and those other girls can just wait.
Finally, patience is somehow both. Alphas can tolerate so much but they can also allow too much. I dont loathe the man who has to find this balance. He cant lose his temper but he must express anger. He can't cry but he must mourn. And the job is just never done. I always think about getting bothered on your daughter's wedding day like the scene in the Godfather. Its understandable why men would want to walk away and they have.
As I listen to the woes of the current dating scene, I cant help but think where is the shame in these men. The ones who whine and dont pay and are afraid girls are out to get them and make fun of them and take all their money. Its because they haven't been bullied by an alpha. All the Alphas today are too busy being overwhelmed by all their easy prospects.
"I know men who will buy a whole group of girls dinner with no expectations and than go off to the girl they want to see"
We had an amusing moment earlier this year, when after a rough couple of days at work my husband invited a couple of the younger staff - female, but the young man in the office would have been invited as well - out for a couple of drinks after work on his dime. He called and invited me to join them, which I did because the place they went has great drinks. Had a lovely evening chatting with the younger women, and we all went to a place to have actual dinner afterward.
The funny thing was that the next day, one of the women confided to my husband that she was worried when I first got there: she expected me to be upset that he was there with two young women, and thought there was about to be a scene. Never occurred to me to be upset; he always takes care of his people, but they get his work persona. I get his love.
That is awesome! I think him calling to invite you shows the trust you have. He knew you weren't going to freak out, you knew it was what is was, a drink and dinner. That is hard to fathom for people.
As I read through the other comments, it seems to me that many women are willing to designate their favorite men as alphas even when describing behaviors of other SSH patterns. It is an endearing trait despite the category error. Perhaps that, could be its own aside as we ponder Alphas.
There could be a bit of that. There is also the ability for an Alpha to engage in behaviors that are associated with low-status without paying the same social cost as a low-status individual would. IMO an Alpha is quite a bit of who he is rather than what he does.
I think it's been said before, "It's only low-status when we do it."
Out of all the places and all the times, you decided to confess your sins here and now. Not judging you or your pain but this is very funny.
I think that's why I call it immaturity. It is easy to assume alphas are just moving through life "using" everyone because almost every other aspect has to think this way. At the heart of the alpha vice is potential for virtue. An immature alpha gives people whatever they show up needing - these girls wanted dinner and to chat, this woman wanted sex, this man wants to not be in charge. Maturing for an alpha means breaking the people pleasing aspect of this and learning to give people what they need and what is good for the group not what they want. Sending that woman back to her husband, holding a man accountable for his work, etc. I actually do think alphas have the opposite affliction of delta one-itis. They can love, or at least appreciate, many people at a time. They have to or they couldn't lead a community. But honoring commitments is what keeps a community strong.
Thanks for sharing your perspective. I appreciate how hard it is to discuss our more unsavory instincts.
"They can love, or at least appreciate, many people at a time. They have to or they couldn't lead a community. But honoring commitments is what keeps a community strong."
well said. It truly is a blessing and a burden at the same time.
As a low-tier woman, I've not been around many Alphas, but the ones I have crossed paths with have treated me with surprising kindness, when I expected only indifference or scorn. Their popularity and the loyalty they inspire is easy to understand.
That´s nice to hear! You have no idea how far modesty will take you
I have been badly mistreated by men, but never from an Alpha. It's mostly the Gammas that are mean to women. Unless you do something bad that can't be tolerated - then other ranks, Bravos especially, will correct you.
Indeed. Alphas in my social circle are varying degrees of annoying and contrarian when we are among ourselves, but since Vox wrote about this I started paying attention. When we are in public they are very well behaved to women and low status men who don't step out of line. Just the other day I was at a bar with one, I thought he was going to create a problem or something, but he was very well behaved even when drunk. Maybe especially when drunk, I'm not sure.
Nothing new to add, so just reprising my comments from an earlier thread on life with Alphas:
Dread Game is a real thing. There is an underlying knowledge that if I act like a harpy, lose my figure, behave badly or act in a way that causes my husband to lose face that I could be replaced. He's a man of faith and unlikely to take that step due to his convictions, but I mind my behaviour anyway because I don't want it to even cross his mind.
There are always, I mean ALWAYS, willing women who compete for his attention, even if they're not really aware they're doing so. Once when our youngest was little and we were out somewhere, Husband said "come here right now!" in a stern voice, talking to our son. A young, beautiful stranger woman trotted over and stood at attention next to Husband's knee. There are plenty more of her lurking around, so I am always mindful to be the best me I can be, and the best wife to my husband that I can be, so he doesn't get any funny ideas about replacing me.
Part 2: He also has a knack for reining in Gammas. Back in the day my SIL was dating a guy named Lawrence (he pronounced it Law-RAUNCE). A theatre-type guy. Husband started calling him Larry Baby, while making finger guns at him. Husband's football team friends picked up on it and he became Larry-Baby-with-finger-guns at every social gathering. Gamma put up with it with (for a gamma) good grace, because he was invited to all the "cool kids" parties. If he pitched a fit, Law-RAUNCE would have been banished immediately. The gamma reined in his worst behaviour as a result.
Part 3: Mother of an Alpha Son
Alpha is my middle of 3 boys. Eldest son is a gamma, youngest son is Bravo to Alpha's alpha, but he might be an emerging Sigma in his own peer group. It's too soon to tell, he's young yet.
Other than Husband, Alpha is the only one in the family who can deal with my gamma son with any sort of composure. Alpha even makes sure to include him in gatherings (epic forest parties, for example) where Gamma would never otherwise be invited.
He was a beautiful baby, a handsome and charming child and now in his early 20s is the stereotypical alpha male. 6'4, handsome, chiseled jaw, at college on an athletic scholarship, chased by girls, sought after by guy-groupies. Life of the party, leader of the pack, blah blah blah. Fortunately he has a kind heart and a sweetness to him that outweighs the dark triad traits. As a small child it was incredibly hard to discipline him, partly because he was so handsome and charming it was often hard to keep a stern demeanour and not melt from the cuteness, but also because other women in the vicinity -- my mother being the worst culprit -- would start dishing it up to me for being "mean" to him. (I was a pigtailed-and-beribboned baby of the family in my childhood so I'd already cornered the market on getting away with murder and didn't want my boy to grow up spoilt like I was. Reining him in was HARD).
Women of all ages fall at his feet and have since he was about 14 y.o (6 ft 1 and looked around 19 at the time) and I've been trying to teach him all his life to use this power for good, not evil. That he's going to have girls throwing themselves at him but that he needs to be kind, not cruel, in giving them the heave-ho where appropriate. To be gentlemanly and honourable rather than a cad. During the quarantines he was working at the local grocery store. The store owner had him on the door as a bouncer because the crowds were unruly. Local moms and grannies would regularly show up with hand-knit socks and homemade cookies as gifts for him when they arrived to do the weekly shop.
I think the most interesting thing is watching the Alpha-Alpha dynamic between him and his dad, as they work toward figuring out which one of them is the Apex Alpha in our family circle. It's touch and go at the moment. So far Alpha-Son has handled Alpha-Dad with respect and gentleness, so it will likely be more of a passing of the torch than a battle. Raising him has been a real trip.
" A young, beautiful stranger woman trotted over and stood at attention next to Husband's knee. " This is hilarious.
It really was. Mr. Churn sort of looked at her funny, said something like, "Not you, him." and got on with reining in little Bravo. He was completely unfazed, I was trying not to laugh.
Is it an awkward dynamic having the older brother be the Gamma and the middle brother be the Alpha? How old were they when those appellations became evident?
No, not really. Alpha Son is a natural leader and all the other children just accept it. The awkwardness comes more when Bravo and Gamma are interacting without Alpha. Bravo is a natural enforcer but he's the baby brother. Gamma, being the eldest boy, finds it beneath his dignity to be taking direction from the baby. Of course, now that B is 16, 6'1 and jacked from football and a lot of gym time, it's much less of an issue. Gamma, though very tall, is willowy and not prone to fight.
I was very surprised when my youngest of five boys turned out to be the Alpha. Not what I expected. I do have an older son who tries (unsuccessfully) to take him down a notch or two, but they're so far apart in age that it's mostly just funny. Especially seeing how the child naturally deals with the young adult usurper to his thrown.
"Larry Baby" is hilarious. Great way to stay ahead of the curve with the Gamma. Great story telling to paint a concise picture of the Alpha dynamics.
Being the daughter of a Christian Alpha dad is the best. High standards, a safe nest, a mom with the resources and status to mother her offspring. Great genes 😋
Best of all you have a standard of male excellence to bring prospective mates home to. No gammas! And the husbands they become have a loyal pattern of virtue.
IDK what would have happened if one of my sisters or I had fallen for a sigma. But for the Bravo or Delta romantic interests, it helps seal the deal.
I will add that it was harder for my mom.
For the first 15 years of marriage, she came 2nd to the "other women" in his life: his ships*
I vividly remember when they got it sorted.
*True blue naval commander.
My husband’s father, his oldest brother and my older brother are all Alphas.
They are all clear leaders in their own ways, and it’s totally true that women FALL at their feet and people in general just gravitate to them and they can make things happen in many unexpected and brilliant ways.
Makes me laugh just thinking about it. For example, my FIL had 5 different women bringing all kinds of things visiting him on a rotation when he was in hospital with a broken femur for 2 months. One would smuggle in wine, another smoked salmon, another a fruit basket, cashmere socks etc etc for months!!
This does not include the efforts of his much younger gf or children.
Alphas are all way more loving/thoughtful than they get credit for- they can be seen as aloof/ selfish/cold when it’s them trying to figure out how to best manage situations to create good out comes for everyone they invite into their spheres. I guess when an alpha gives you their full attention, it feels like a sting when the sun is suddenly shining else where but they have a full plate of leadership and it’s not malice they are busy people. Sometimes I really enjoy being around Alphas as they can be very fun but wouldn’t want to be married to one although I suspect I thankfully wouldn’t make the cut as an Alphas romantic partner. They def leave their partners to their own devices/ sun is not always shining directly - and they have high expectations of them - the comments about the co piloting seemed correct from what I’ve witnessed. They need to be married to women that are truly confident & disciplined in themselves and not putting on a front. I wanted to add that that bible verses about Wives being the crown 👑 of their husbands and the other one about proactive wives running tight households really describe successful Alpha wives.
I have four Alpha stories. It's long.
I spent many years on the mission field, where leadership positions on teams and bases disproportionately attract Alphas, and in my small region alone I watched at least four rise quickly, shine brightly, make such headway in so little time... and then fall to adultery, bringing families and ministries with them. It was always the same story, and I wish we knew about the SSH then, because it probably could have saved so much. But there were also Alphas who at least appear to have remained faithful, and they literally hold things together, constantly repairing the things that the Deltas, the Gammas, and the women who are put into leadership inevitably either let go of or destroy.
When I was still a young, single woman I led a difficult, inexperienced short term team to a difficult country for several months, and one of my team members was an Alpha, several years younger than myself, who my leadership team had already identified during the preparation phase as being unusually competent and magnetic. Only a week into the trip, he told me that he had been apprehensive about my leading the team, but that he was impressed with my abilities, and that he was going to support me. Naturally, as a woman being complimented by an Alpha - even if it meant that he was really in the superior position as judge - I was flattered, and he really was my right-hand man. I've always been grateful for his assistance and support as my situational Bravo. After finding out about the SSH, I looked him up, sure that he must have gone far, and sure enough, he had several companies and, shockingly, was on his second wife.
One of my uncles is a small-town Alpha, who would probably be a Delta in a larger pond. He is tall, but not really handsome and nowhere near fit. He owns a trucking company, and works very hard to take care of "his guys", making sure they all have the work they need to provide for their families. I took a trip with him one time; he was constantly communicating with all kinds of people on three or four different cell phones, everyone at the truck stops knew him and he knew them, the waitresses flirted with him shamelessly. As a child I was always intimidated by him, because I knew that he wasn't afraid of putting me on the spot and wouldn't take no for an answer (very different from my Delta father). He took us snowmobiling on his land when I was a teenager, and insisted that I try out a maneuver I didn't want to do; when I got stuck, as was sure to happen, he refused to help me and made me do it myself, talking me through it, and sure enough I was able to get out. As for women, he ran away from home and married his first wife at 17, but he's on his third wife now. She's not thin, but she's a lot younger than him and has never been married before, no children.
Finally, when my husband and I were newlyweds we visited a new church. They had no pastor at the time, but the chair of the board was very tall and commanding, very friendly, and had a very pretty, elegant, sweet wife, who immediately invited us over for dinner. I eventually learned that this happened to everyone who visited their church. We were welcomed, investigated and strongly encouraged to continue coming. We did, and became members, and since the Alpha was always looking for eligible young men to promote, my husband was soon asked to join the board. If I had known about the SSH and Sigma behaviour, I would not have pushed for any of this, but I did. My husband joined because he saw the position as being useful for his business. A new Delta pastor was hired, and his micromanaging intruded into my husband's department. Sigma husband says "this is my jurisdiction, if you have a problem with that, take it to the board", Alpha chair (who is also the richest man in the church and who is very respectful of the pastoral position but by no means threatened by the Delta) tells Sigma "just let the pastor have his way". Sigma says "that goes against the bylaws that the congregation voted in place, if you want to have the pastor in charge of this then change the bylaws". Meanwhile everyone is VERY confused about who is in charge of what and what is happening. Anyways, eventually the Sigma resigns because he never really cared about it anyways, Alpha chair changes the bylaws for the Delta pastor because he is paranoid about having something like this happen again (it won't - what are the odds another Sigma would join the board), and the Bravo belatedly threatens the Sigma who has already been distancing himself. And we never saw Alpha, Bravo or Delta again.
My FIL is an alpha. He is always extremely busy, putting out fires, managing people and jobs, and constantly on the phone or road checking in to make sure everyone has what they need and is getting the job done right. He has tolerance and patience for coaching, educating, and guiding, but if you arent giving it your best effort he will cut you out and find another person to do the job. He seems to exemplify "Go big or go home" with every social interaction as well. Because he is so busy, i think the Alpha charisma and social finesse help him make up for the quality time he misses out on with friends and family. He may not be able to spend a ton of time with his family as a Delta or Bravo would, but when he does, he is fully present and interactive with everyone.
This reminds of something an Alpha I new growing up always told his sons, "Work hard, play hard, and don't mix the two."
Something I've noticed in an Alpha I've watched, he is way too comfortable giving women in his employ too much responsibility. Other men seem so far beneath him competitively that he doesn't see a functional difference between men and women, and he'll give the whole show away to a barely competent gal. Bless her heart, she can't do as well as I can, but neither can any man! As he gets older, it gets worse, because he also loves the fawning. This probably applies to other Alphas, and I think I saw that in the first Trump administration. The new (maybenot)Trump admin seems to have corrected that, for the most part.
Yet another reason to keep women in Staff, rather than Line positions.
More and more, I rethink the moral of King Solomon and the woman with the overlain baby.
Haha, nobody’s going. That’s hilarious. Probably because we don’t want to admit we’re not high enough on the hierarchy to land an Alpha.
But most of us have dealt with them. My dad was an Alpha. Everyone agreed he was an asshole — and also the guy you could always count on when things went bad. You just felt safe around him. He always knew what to do, what to say, how to fix it. I grew up in a rough area, and when people found out who my dad was, they’d never mess with me. They knew there’d be consequences.
Alphas aren’t intimidated by women the way Deltas are. They’ll call you out, no hesitation. A Delta will pretend your fart smells like Cinnabon or just smile blankly because he can’t process that women fart too. An Alpha? He’ll tell you straight: “Get that stank out of here.” Equal-opportunity accountability.
In the military, people think the system’s rigid. It’s not. It’s fluid as hell. Deltas and Gammas don’t see it — they stay stuck. Alphas see the angles, the currents, the openings. They know how to move through them.
One of my platoon sergeants was a full-blown Alpha — crazy, alcoholic, and hero-worshipped by everyone. He’d always find a way to dodge the stupid details and line us up for the good stuff instead. Always out there making connections, cutting deals. Just like my dad — total asshole, but everyone felt safer when he was around because you knew he’d take care of it.
And here’s the kicker: because Alphas are naturally attractive to women, the environment becomes even more fluid around them. Doors open, resistance melts. It’s like Philip K. Dick’s The Golden Man — the mutant who can see the future but not the past, and survives because women can’t say no to him. No matter what the men do, the women become the weak point — protecting him instinctively, ensuring he spreads his genes. Reality bends around him not through effort or manipulation, but because female instinct clears the path. That’s what being near a true Alpha feels like: the world rearranges itself around him.
Deltas think, “It has to be this way.” Alphas know nothing’s fixed. They can sense how things can shift. Half the time they know what you need before you even realize it. Once I walked up to a platoon about to board a flight — didn’t even say a word — and the Alpha there just looked at me, figured it out, and got me a seat.
A low-ranking Alpha in a Delta-run company usually becomes the right-hand man — the one everyone quietly follows. And if a platoon’s stuck under a dangerous Gamma, it’s always that young Alpha who steps up and gets the guy removed. I saw that before Iraq. The guys flat-out refused to follow a clown into combat. Even the women who hated him couldn’t ignore him. They’d still check what he thought before they acted.
Interesting, the thing about men not liking the Alpha but the women liking him.
I wonder if that happens in younger years as well.
My 6.5 yr old son is having trouble making friends, but everywhere we go there is always a long-haired little girl chasing him, dancing with him, holding his hand going down the slide. lol Wonder how that will turn out as he gets older.
Yes! Dad running through God knows how many trades to get the Captain his stupid piano back when he was a lowly jig, then pushing into overboard before the pilot boat reached them at home port, because *it was not supposed to be there*.
Thank you for this! " Probably because we don’t want to admit we’re not high enough on the hierarchy to land an Alpha."
My experiences with Alphas are strictly within a work or social group environment. One of the most evident characteristics seems to be that you know when he is in the room. Things gravitate to him: women, other men, small children. While he will take charge of a situation, it is not necessarily malicious or intended to outshine all the other men. It just is what it is.
If you fall under what he considers part of his group, he will extend his sphere of influence over you. This includes correction, if necessary, but also protection and assistance. If you blow him off enough times, he will walk away and let you fend for yourself. When I have seen this, the Alphas were truly hurt by it, but they focused on other things instead of letting this side-track their whole day. This isn't to say they don't remember it or don't bring it up. It means that they know they have other responsibilities.
They are not threatened by women. If one woman blows him off, there are several others fawning over him.
He has confidence in his people, which plays into allowing men and women to do a job with less micromanaging than less confident individuals. Sometimes, he carries the confidence of knowing that he can fix whatever mistake his underling makes.
Because he delegates and trusts his people and his own instincts, bad actors can sometimes infiltrate and cause a ruckus.
They want to be problem-solvers and think outside the box when there is a delay. They don't like sitting and waiting. In a situation for which I was extremely grateful for an Alpha's assistance, a rather difficult situation came up with a customer, and we were at an impasse. The customer had had dealings with the Alpha in the past and trusted him. However, what was needed was outside of his area of expertise, hence why my group was dealing with it. The customer and I went round and round and were both frustrated and unable to communicate effectively. He got to hear about it from multiple sides. He offered a solution that was completely inappropriate, but his solution reopened communication. The customer and I could then reach a solution and move forward. (I wish I had understood and recognized this at the time. Without him the situation would have continued to deteriorate.)
His ability to see the big picture means he knows what can happen if certain things align. This gives him the confidence to pursue his goals with a single-minded focus because he knows what is important. He can seemingly fire without feeling any guilt or change direction without warning. For the rest of us, it is mystifying. The positive end-result is magical.
Alpha widow does not just apply to romantic relationships. When you have seen a successful Alpha in action and worked with him, he sets the standard for all other bosses and supervisors. I have seen this play out when an Alpha sold his business, even trying to find the right person to hand it over to, and his closest employees will leave to follow someone else. They don't realize that the culture that they worked in was largely due to the personality of the Alpha and the group he bult around him. Copying his behaviors will only get the new person or people so far. This is playing out all over with successful businesses that are bought and then appear to be run into the ground after a few years.
This is perfect. There really are few absolutes in dealing with, well anything. People sometimes get butt-hurt when you change something in order to get a solution. It’s frustrating but sometimes necessary in order to move forward.
Definitely the org transition is always hard.
"Probably because we don’t want to admit we’re not high enough on the hierarchy to land an Alpha."
Sharing Delta stories are cute examples of flustered men stammering in the presence of GIRL, and the occasional proud moments he worked up the courage to do the manly thing. It's flattering to a woman to talk about her Delta stories.
Alpha stories involve more heartbreak and female vulnerability. Not as flattering and requires a frame of why he didn't pick you. "Actually I'm not into Alphas."
Thanks to every lady who shared her experiences. It's good to get your perspective.