The Female Perspective: ALPHA
Another request for the female readers
We received some very useful and educational views on Deltas from the female readers here last week. So, in the same vein, if any of the female readers would like to share their perspective and experiences with regards to Alpha Males, I would appreciate that. Please do NOT do so with regards to any of the other SSH ranks, as we’ll address them in coming days.
If you want to be identified by name or Internet appellation, I’ll be happy to give you credit. If you prefer to share anonymously, that’s fine too. We’re not looking for credentials here, just the genuine female perspective, whether it is positive, negative, or as almost always the case, a combination of both. I just want to know what you genuinely think about the men of your acquaintance that you regard as Alphas.
As before, gentlemen, it’s fine to respond to the women’s comments and ask them questions for clarification if you like, but do not post any comments about your own perspective, or what you think the women’s perspectives are, or worse, what you think the women’s perspectives should be. And as far as it goes for Alphas, situational Alphas, and would-be Alphas, instead of reacting to whatever the women happen to say, for good or for ill, I would suggest contemplating how their insights might apply to your own situation.
Nothing new to add, so just reprising my comments from an earlier thread on life with Alphas:
Dread Game is a real thing. There is an underlying knowledge that if I act like a harpy, lose my figure, behave badly or act in a way that causes my husband to lose face that I could be replaced. He's a man of faith and unlikely to take that step due to his convictions, but I mind my behaviour anyway because I don't want it to even cross his mind.
There are always, I mean ALWAYS, willing women who compete for his attention, even if they're not really aware they're doing so. Once when our youngest was little and we were out somewhere, Husband said "come here right now!" in a stern voice, talking to our son. A young, beautiful stranger woman trotted over and stood at attention next to Husband's knee. There are plenty more of her lurking around, so I am always mindful to be the best me I can be, and the best wife to my husband that I can be, so he doesn't get any funny ideas about replacing me.
Part 2: He also has a knack for reining in Gammas. Back in the day my SIL was dating a guy named Lawrence (he pronounced it Law-RAUNCE). A theatre-type guy. Husband started calling him Larry Baby, while making finger guns at him. Husband's football team friends picked up on it and he became Larry-Baby-with-finger-guns at every social gathering. Gamma put up with it with (for a gamma) good grace, because he was invited to all the "cool kids" parties. If he pitched a fit, Law-RAUNCE would have been banished immediately. The gamma reined in his worst behaviour as a result.
Part 3: Mother of an Alpha Son
Alpha is my middle of 3 boys. Eldest son is a gamma, youngest son is Bravo to Alpha's alpha, but he might be an emerging Sigma in his own peer group. It's too soon to tell, he's young yet.
Other than Husband, Alpha is the only one in the family who can deal with my gamma son with any sort of composure. Alpha even makes sure to include him in gatherings (epic forest parties, for example) where Gamma would never otherwise be invited.
He was a beautiful baby, a handsome and charming child and now in his early 20s is the stereotypical alpha male. 6'4, handsome, chiseled jaw, at college on an athletic scholarship, chased by girls, sought after by guy-groupies. Life of the party, leader of the pack, blah blah blah. Fortunately he has a kind heart and a sweetness to him that outweighs the dark triad traits. As a small child it was incredibly hard to discipline him, partly because he was so handsome and charming it was often hard to keep a stern demeanour and not melt from the cuteness, but also because other women in the vicinity -- my mother being the worst culprit -- would start dishing it up to me for being "mean" to him. (I was a pigtailed-and-beribboned baby of the family in my childhood so I'd already cornered the market on getting away with murder and didn't want my boy to grow up spoilt like I was. Reining him in was HARD).
Women of all ages fall at his feet and have since he was about 14 y.o (6 ft 1 and looked around 19 at the time) and I've been trying to teach him all his life to use this power for good, not evil. That he's going to have girls throwing themselves at him but that he needs to be kind, not cruel, in giving them the heave-ho where appropriate. To be gentlemanly and honourable rather than a cad. During the quarantines he was working at the local grocery store. The store owner had him on the door as a bouncer because the crowds were unruly. Local moms and grannies would regularly show up with hand-knit socks and homemade cookies as gifts for him when they arrived to do the weekly shop.
I think the most interesting thing is watching the Alpha-Alpha dynamic between him and his dad, as they work toward figuring out which one of them is the Apex Alpha in our family circle. It's touch and go at the moment. So far Alpha-Son has handled Alpha-Dad with respect and gentleness, so it will likely be more of a passing of the torch than a battle. Raising him has been a real trip.
My Dad is an alpha. He has to consistently instill core values of integrity, honesty, respect and “not half assing shit” in his family and social circle. After retiring as a detective, he became a flight attendant and focused on his event production business. He would take me to work, give me a role, and gave me a network. I loved taking trips to the DJ store. I would make mixtapes and throw parties in HS too.
He just recently said his job was always about “reading the crowd” and “anticipating their move” in any line of work. He taught me observation skills, anticipating the needs of others and how to have a standard. It made me a sociable hostess. My sister and I both have art degrees, creative writing and fine art. He is a gracious leader with a heavy hand and colorful language. He never ever cared or liked any of the guys my sister and I dated until we mentioned marriage. His expectations and standards are very high. He had patience for anything besides rebellion.
Despite being in his mid 50s, he’s not slowing down. He’s getting more leadership roles. He commands attention wherever he goes. He gets compliments, questions and comments. He truly is the life of the party.
Last thing is embarrassing but people assume I’m his wife in public