The Delta's Revenge

A woman laments leaving her boring, successful boyfriend

There are a few important lessons to learn from this woman’s belated regrets about cheating on a Delta and abandoning him in favor of the office Alpha.

1. Money is not going to make a man irresistible to women. And young women, in particular, find it very difficult to anticipate any future but the current circumstances extended in a linear fashion.

We went on endless trips when we dated, for ever jumping on a plane for last-minute sun in Europe or a Far East adventure. These days, for me it's always a fortnight in a Cornish holiday let with my husband and our teenage sons, often with one of their girlfriends in tow. So, as I put the phone down, I can't help but think about what might have been had I not ended our relationship 25 years ago.

Andrew was my safe, dependable – and spectacularly well-off – boyfriend for six years, from my teens into my early 20s. I rather heartlessly ditched him for Mark, a bit of a cad from work whom I went on to marry and have two children with. A classic case of choosing lust over lifestyle. The decision, I now realise, of a young woman yet to realise the crippling cost of childcare or wince as she opened a utility bill.

Only those who don’t pay bills are foolish enough to believe lifestyle doesn’t matter.

2. Exciting and unreliable always beats boring and dependable. Living in a manner to avoid a woman’s complaints is one sure way to guarantee her getting bored with you. If you’re not throwing her the occasional curveball and giving something for her to complain about, you’re boring her. And if you’re boring her, odds are good she will find someone more exciting.

After six years together, along came naughty, sexy, exciting Mark and suddenly my cosy life seemed very dull indeed. I'd started working as a copywriter in an advertising agency and Mark was the office bad boy.

He was Andrew's opposite in every way, from how he handled money (badly) to his approach to fidelity (just don't get caught) and his thoughts on eventually settling down (no thanks). It all played out a bit like Jilly Cooper's Riders, but in reverse, with me falling for the poor guy instead of the rich one.

Mark's eyes locked with mine the first day I walked into the office. He was a couple of years higher up the career ladder and I fancied him immediately. Within a month I was secretly meeting him for drinks after work despite knowing he had a girlfriend – and I wasn't the only colleague on his tryst list.

3. Backgrounds matter despite the Cinderella fantasy of rising from servant to princess. Some women can handle being elevated several steps on the social scale. Spacebunny is so graceful that she had no problem navigating even the highest social circles with ease. Others can’t, and as a result are much more comfortable around men with whom they feel a sense of social equality. I know one woman who ended things with her educated boyfriend because she disliked being around people whose educations made her feel inferior.

Andrew and I grew up in the same rural community. He was the youngest son of the richest family in our village and worked for the family business, helping to run their portfolio of successful companies. He was the first boy ever to flirt with me, and we started dating at 16 when I was a waitress in the local cafe. His mother introduced me to her friends as 'Andrew's little girlfriend from the village', as though I was some poor waif the family had taken pity on. They lived in an enormous country house with a pool, huge grounds and tennis courts.

Mark brought something out in me I'd never felt before – sheer lust. His background was also much closer to mine: middle-class, but far from wealthy. Even more seductive was the fact that, after a couple of months, Mark dumped his girlfriend and urged me to leave Andrew to move in with him.

We went clubbing and blew our money on nights out and holidays we couldn't afford. Lovely as it had been to be treated to everything by Andrew, splitting bills with Mark made me feel his equal.

4. Reality will eventually set in, but far too late to salvage the relationship. And no amount of desperate appeals to reason, reality, or history will suffice.

Almost a year after I left him, Andrew phoned me at work. His voice cracked as he launched into a well-rehearsed speech. He said he'd meant it when he proposed to me; that he still loved me. 'Will you marry me?' he asked. 'We could be happy again.'

I burst out crying and reminded him I was with someone else.

A year later, he called again, posing the same question. I didn't cry but still said no.

His last attempt, a year on, got a different response. I told him Mark had proposed and the wedding was in a couple of months. It must have half-killed him to congratulate me, but he did.

5. The best revenge is a life well-lived.

Life with Mark has never been dull. Yes, we've squandered far more than we've saved, but we still laugh together. Yet on the days when life's financial pressures bear down on me, I can't help but picture the alternative: that sliding doors moment I had when I chose Mark over Andrew. On dark days, I wonder what it would be like to be Andrew's wife. All those holidays, a beautiful home, privately educated children and work being entirely optional. I have even hung up and thought: 'What was I thinking? I married the wrong guy!'

The Delta suffered when his foolish girlfriend fell for the Alpha, but he won in the end. Small comfort, no doubt, in the moment, but better two or three years of suffering than marriage to a woman of unreliable character who pines for Alphas and excitement.

Everyone has regrets. But some are more regretful than others.