The best example of concise, clear, only-the-necessary facts communication i’ve ever come across is the recordings of air traffic control and captain sully prior to him landing in the Hudson.
It’s amazing. They keep clearing runways for him with absolutely minimal information, and he just keeps saying “unable” as it becomes clear he can’t make each one.
If you want to have a confortable life in the corporate world and you're not a Alpha or Sigma, you need to understand that your life is under your boss hands, don't go thinking you can create a network and coup your "incompetent" boss, that's not how things work.
You need to be the guy your boss would think the mostly trustable person should he ever need to get rid of a corpse. Yes, you can say no to become a cumplice in a murder, and probably should do so, should the occasion arise, but until them, you want your boss to perceive you as the most dependable and trustworthy of his subordinates.
The more brilliant and competent you are, the more you need to convince your boss you're playing on his team.
If you are a Alpha, it doesn't matter, your boss will like you, even as you outgrow him and leave him behind. If you are Sigma, you'll find a way to live your life the way you want it to be, without having to play this political game.
For the rest of us: happy boss, happy subordinate.
Call me Mr. Gamma, but usually requests for my time require a follow-up question or three, since way too many people make vague requests probably out of fear that specificity will lead to rejection. Even your request would require a simple, "How urgent?" And if that's an insult to you, then your request is not worth my time.
But even worse are the requests I've heard multiple times over the years: "Are you available next weekend?" For what? For the whole weekend? Or just 10 or 15 minutes at any point in the weekend that works for me? Sorry, but in that circumstance, a rote "yes" means you're simply a doormat.
"I am afraid I have a full schedule this weekend, I could reschedule stuff if really needed, but it won't be easy"
Just answer the fucking question and let the ball go to the other side of the court. Don't try to control the conversation or patronize people by subjecting them to an interrogation, so you, with your superior intellect, can explain to her what they really want or need.
People build their plans based on the available information, they may be asking other 10 folks the same thing, and then, yes, they don't have now an answer of how much of your time they will need, because first they need to map how much people would be available. You asking them this is just annoying, because that's exactly what they are trying to figure out by asking you and a few other folks.
My aren't we a bit touchy. F-bombs and all! "For what?" counts an interrogation? What if they want to drag me to a Taylor Swift concert? It's not just about my time being valuable (and it is). I want to know what I'm committing to before I commit. If you can't handle that, then don't ask me.
How can I possibly be the doormat with another person who requires my time? This is by presumption my game by my rules. My response would only give cues as to how valuable my time really is, and yes, your response does give the impression that your time is less valuable than a simple yes would do.
I tell my kids "asking questions is the laziest form of curiosity."
The reason people do this is because they are cognitive misers trying instinctively to outsource the effort of thinking. Anyone who wants their questions taken seriously should try to answer it for themselves first.
My boss never briefs with specificity or enough timeframe so I have to manage up if I don't want to get squeezed everytime at deadline with new information or direction. If he won't answer my questions then he can get stuffed. He wants his name credited on everything, so he can field some fair questioning. Have I missed something here?
It was neither of those things and I don't assume I know better, I do assume he is dealing with a different set of challenges at his level than I would fully know. I am saying the directives on the project are so vague if I didn't prompt him we'd never progress toward a plannable, deliverable goal of any sort. As an eg: we had a week to work on a milestone, night of delivery he finally checked the work sitting with him and then decided on specifics and briefed. Team pulled an all-nighter to deliver. Doing that repeatedly fucks the team.
I was told by another department boss I'm accountable to on a project that i was managing up. He's frustrated with my direct boss for holding things up, and I said I try to get answers but I'm conscious of my subordinate position so don't want to push too hard. But its getting to a point where everyone is suffering needlessly, hence why im motivated to ask earnestly.
I was at a course for work, and the dappy girl running it asked “any questions?” after every other sentence. Pretty much everyone asked questions, to which she either said “I’ll get to that” or “that’s beyond the scope here”. Excruciating. A fellow gamma was sitting in the front row with me. I observed his face twitch every time she asked for questions, but he didn’t crack. I was mostly daydreaming at the clouds halfway through, so I didn’t ask any questions either, and I thought shoot, if he can do it so can I.
He was the only person to score 100% in the test at the end.
This is another reason why I love AI. Many times at work I have plugged vaguely worded tickets into Cursor, and it has been able to figure out what’s being asked for, within the context of the codebase, and I don’t have to ask any clarifying questions.
I've learned to just reject those. The wrong antagonistic person will just escalate up the levels of management when it isn't exactly what they want or doesn't account for some other stupidity they're doing somewhere else that of course they don't mention. Some folks deserve no favors.
Yes, you're correct. In my case, we also have a support side where other people in our org will file tickets, which is different than my boss asking me to do something.
I didn't consider that tickets would only come from your boss. Makes life a lot simpler if so. Mine is the one that's taught me to reject those kinds of tickets.
It's totally inadequate when especially women pull the "we should make decisions as a team" card. Girl, have you been in a sports team ever? I mean, do you think teams vote decisions or something? Coach says or team captain says do this, it's a done deal. Hell, he might say you're cutting my wood tomorrow, that's what you do.
In women's sports I have heard from my sister that a lot of the time they do vote their captain in. Crazy to consider.
Never been on a team where the captain was elected, the captain always assumed the role. And teams I've been on without a captain have never won anything worthwhile.
The few times I have experienced this the person picked was avoiding it and we discovered why shortly after. Either it was clear they didn't know what to do, even though we wanted him to keep doing what made us pick him. Or he abused the power thinking we voted him king. Leaders lead. Followers made to lead get everyone lost.
Was going to say that women don’t have the same hierarchy as men and can’t “assume leadership”, but then older sisters will take charge if when mother is absent.
I dunno, some activities are time bound. And constraints left unsaid can make activities useless/unproductive. But, yeah, peppering the requestor with questions, marginal or not, is beyond annoying.
The other side of this, just as aggravating, is when someone acts like they're asking for advice when what they're really looking for is permission. They already know what they want to do. They just want you to tell them it's a good idea so they won't feel responsible if it goes badly.
If you give them an answer they don't like, they start arguing with you.
I've gotten pretty good at spotting it and staying out of it, unless it's my wife or daughters. Sometimes they genuinely want my opinion. Sometimes they want something else. The trick is figuring out which conversation you're actually having.
As soon as it has become obvious that my interlocutor is going down this path I immediately tell them, do whatever you want and enjoy whatever the outcome is. Your problem is not my burden to carry.
If it's a behaviour of asking for permission, let them know that you're about to burn their membership to your local country club. He will run to do it now, he will fail or succeed, or you will ban him for life. You are his friend, and he is yours. And your friend will do it now.
When people know that inaction leads to getting thrown out of the club, they will act.
The best example of concise, clear, only-the-necessary facts communication i’ve ever come across is the recordings of air traffic control and captain sully prior to him landing in the Hudson.
It’s amazing. They keep clearing runways for him with absolutely minimal information, and he just keeps saying “unable” as it becomes clear he can’t make each one.
If you want to have a confortable life in the corporate world and you're not a Alpha or Sigma, you need to understand that your life is under your boss hands, don't go thinking you can create a network and coup your "incompetent" boss, that's not how things work.
You need to be the guy your boss would think the mostly trustable person should he ever need to get rid of a corpse. Yes, you can say no to become a cumplice in a murder, and probably should do so, should the occasion arise, but until them, you want your boss to perceive you as the most dependable and trustworthy of his subordinates.
The more brilliant and competent you are, the more you need to convince your boss you're playing on his team.
If you are a Alpha, it doesn't matter, your boss will like you, even as you outgrow him and leave him behind. If you are Sigma, you'll find a way to live your life the way you want it to be, without having to play this political game.
For the rest of us: happy boss, happy subordinate.
Call me Mr. Gamma, but usually requests for my time require a follow-up question or three, since way too many people make vague requests probably out of fear that specificity will lead to rejection. Even your request would require a simple, "How urgent?" And if that's an insult to you, then your request is not worth my time.
But even worse are the requests I've heard multiple times over the years: "Are you available next weekend?" For what? For the whole weekend? Or just 10 or 15 minutes at any point in the weekend that works for me? Sorry, but in that circumstance, a rote "yes" means you're simply a doormat.
Q: Are you available next weekend:
"Yes, i have nothing scheduled"
"I may be able to help saturday morning"
"I am afraid I have a full schedule this weekend, I could reschedule stuff if really needed, but it won't be easy"
Just answer the fucking question and let the ball go to the other side of the court. Don't try to control the conversation or patronize people by subjecting them to an interrogation, so you, with your superior intellect, can explain to her what they really want or need.
People build their plans based on the available information, they may be asking other 10 folks the same thing, and then, yes, they don't have now an answer of how much of your time they will need, because first they need to map how much people would be available. You asking them this is just annoying, because that's exactly what they are trying to figure out by asking you and a few other folks.
My aren't we a bit touchy. F-bombs and all! "For what?" counts an interrogation? What if they want to drag me to a Taylor Swift concert? It's not just about my time being valuable (and it is). I want to know what I'm committing to before I commit. If you can't handle that, then don't ask me.
How can I possibly be the doormat with another person who requires my time? This is by presumption my game by my rules. My response would only give cues as to how valuable my time really is, and yes, your response does give the impression that your time is less valuable than a simple yes would do.
I tell my kids "asking questions is the laziest form of curiosity."
The reason people do this is because they are cognitive misers trying instinctively to outsource the effort of thinking. Anyone who wants their questions taken seriously should try to answer it for themselves first.
That is true once the question leaves one's lips. If the question remains in my own mind then I take responsibility for finding the answer for myself.
My boss never briefs with specificity or enough timeframe so I have to manage up if I don't want to get squeezed everytime at deadline with new information or direction. If he won't answer my questions then he can get stuffed. He wants his name credited on everything, so he can field some fair questioning. Have I missed something here?
What concept did you have trouble understanding? Was it "unless"? Was it "absolutely necessary"?
Two of the biggest failures I have experienced were the result of someone who thought they knew better managing up.
It was neither of those things and I don't assume I know better, I do assume he is dealing with a different set of challenges at his level than I would fully know. I am saying the directives on the project are so vague if I didn't prompt him we'd never progress toward a plannable, deliverable goal of any sort. As an eg: we had a week to work on a milestone, night of delivery he finally checked the work sitting with him and then decided on specifics and briefed. Team pulled an all-nighter to deliver. Doing that repeatedly fucks the team.
I was told by another department boss I'm accountable to on a project that i was managing up. He's frustrated with my direct boss for holding things up, and I said I try to get answers but I'm conscious of my subordinate position so don't want to push too hard. But its getting to a point where everyone is suffering needlessly, hence why im motivated to ask earnestly.
So everyone is suffering needlessly and you're motivated to ask earnestly, but it's not absolutely necessary?
Diagnosis: you're the Gamma and you're the problem.
Dude. Youre the problem
I was at a course for work, and the dappy girl running it asked “any questions?” after every other sentence. Pretty much everyone asked questions, to which she either said “I’ll get to that” or “that’s beyond the scope here”. Excruciating. A fellow gamma was sitting in the front row with me. I observed his face twitch every time she asked for questions, but he didn’t crack. I was mostly daydreaming at the clouds halfway through, so I didn’t ask any questions either, and I thought shoot, if he can do it so can I.
He was the only person to score 100% in the test at the end.
"A fellow gamma ... didn’t crack." Huh. Is he on some kind of self-improvement path?
No idea in his case, but self-improvement is popular with gammas and girls, so it seems likely.
Women, deltas, gammas = most people. This is annoying for relatively few people. Find out who those people are and don't aggravate them by doing this.
You're wrong. Just because people engage in the behavior themselves doesn't mean others doing it doesn't annoy them.
Fair statement. I overreached.
A group comprised solely of any combo of women, deltas, and gammas is likely to be a bickerfest & drama dumpster fire.
When you’re low status, every question is a test which you can fail and be punished for.
This is another reason why I love AI. Many times at work I have plugged vaguely worded tickets into Cursor, and it has been able to figure out what’s being asked for, within the context of the codebase, and I don’t have to ask any clarifying questions.
I've learned to just reject those. The wrong antagonistic person will just escalate up the levels of management when it isn't exactly what they want or doesn't account for some other stupidity they're doing somewhere else that of course they don't mention. Some folks deserve no favors.
It isn’t a “favor” to follow instructions from my boss at work
Yes, you're correct. In my case, we also have a support side where other people in our org will file tickets, which is different than my boss asking me to do something.
I didn't consider that tickets would only come from your boss. Makes life a lot simpler if so. Mine is the one that's taught me to reject those kinds of tickets.
It's totally inadequate when especially women pull the "we should make decisions as a team" card. Girl, have you been in a sports team ever? I mean, do you think teams vote decisions or something? Coach says or team captain says do this, it's a done deal. Hell, he might say you're cutting my wood tomorrow, that's what you do.
“We should make decisions as a team”
I get to make the decision and you get the blame if it goes wrong!
In women's sports I have heard from my sister that a lot of the time they do vote their captain in. Crazy to consider.
Never been on a team where the captain was elected, the captain always assumed the role. And teams I've been on without a captain have never won anything worthwhile.
The few times I have experienced this the person picked was avoiding it and we discovered why shortly after. Either it was clear they didn't know what to do, even though we wanted him to keep doing what made us pick him. Or he abused the power thinking we voted him king. Leaders lead. Followers made to lead get everyone lost.
Not surprising one bit. I don't think women can differentiate between competition and popularity contest.
Was going to say that women don’t have the same hierarchy as men and can’t “assume leadership”, but then older sisters will take charge if when mother is absent.
Excellent net-net write-up. Thank you. Continued success.
True and helpful if the authority has proven to be honest and trustworthy.
I dunno, some activities are time bound. And constraints left unsaid can make activities useless/unproductive. But, yeah, peppering the requestor with questions, marginal or not, is beyond annoying.
Yes.
The other side of this, just as aggravating, is when someone acts like they're asking for advice when what they're really looking for is permission. They already know what they want to do. They just want you to tell them it's a good idea so they won't feel responsible if it goes badly.
If you give them an answer they don't like, they start arguing with you.
I've gotten pretty good at spotting it and staying out of it, unless it's my wife or daughters. Sometimes they genuinely want my opinion. Sometimes they want something else. The trick is figuring out which conversation you're actually having.
As soon as it has become obvious that my interlocutor is going down this path I immediately tell them, do whatever you want and enjoy whatever the outcome is. Your problem is not my burden to carry.
Ah, yes, that old routine. The version where permission is already given is especially aggravating.
Me: "Please fix issue x however you see fit."
Resident delta: "ok, we have the following options: *2000 word wall of text"*
Option A is my preferred solution. Which should I choose?"
Me: *wants to punch him and say that I don't care about specifics for the fifth time this week*
If it's a behaviour of asking for permission, let them know that you're about to burn their membership to your local country club. He will run to do it now, he will fail or succeed, or you will ban him for life. You are his friend, and he is yours. And your friend will do it now.
When people know that inaction leads to getting thrown out of the club, they will act.
Even when we pray, be still and know.