Stop Talking
And above all, stop responding
This is just a short note, but I cannot possibly stress how important this is.
When you are asked to do something, and especially when you are TOLD to do something, do NOT ask any questions unless they are absolutely necessary.
Additionally, do not express your frustrations or annoyances by talking loudly about anything to others in response. You might think you’re being clever or that it’s just harmless, but trust me, it doesn’t escape notice that you are incapable of being asked or told to do anything without some form of protest.
Women, Gammas, and Deltas all do this, for different reasons, as far as I can tell. But the Why doesn’t matter, the rationales are irrelevant, and the perception is just as annoying.
And when you don’t get an answer in response to your immediate questions, you should hear that as a very, very loud signal that the person who isn’t responding to you is telling you to shut the fuck up.
I get this all the time even from people who are being helpful. I ask a simple question like: if you would like to do X, please let me know. Two-thirds of the people respond appropriately. But one-third - and over time one can’t help but notice it is always the same people - inevitably respond to a question with a question. Sometimes it’s not unreasonable, but it is always unnecessary and irrelevant.
Let me give you an example. I have a new book coming out. I ask people if anyone wants to review it. I don’t mention anything about time frames or anything else because it doesn’t matter, I don’t care, and I know that the reviewers are going to read it or not in a useful time frame.
No matter what, I’m going to get questions. But I don’t want questions. The moment someone turns my question into a discussion about qualifications, timing, and anything else that occurs to them, it has ceased to become worth it to me.
Just answer the question asked. And if you can’t say yes without saying “it depends” then just say no.
The other side of this, just as aggravating, is when someone acts like they're asking for advice when what they're really looking for is permission. They already know what they want to do. They just want you to tell them it's a good idea so they won't feel responsible if it goes badly.
If you give them an answer they don't like, they start arguing with you.
I've gotten pretty good at spotting it and staying out of it, unless it's my wife or daughters. Sometimes they genuinely want my opinion. Sometimes they want something else. The trick is figuring out which conversation you're actually having.
It's totally inadequate when especially women pull the "we should make decisions as a team" card. Girl, have you been in a sports team ever? I mean, do you think teams vote decisions or something? Coach says or team captain says do this, it's a done deal. Hell, he might say you're cutting my wood tomorrow, that's what you do.