Stop Helping!
It's hard for some men to accept that help is the very last thing others want
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wanted to strangle some Delta or Gamma who insists on offering his opinion about an alternative solution, a detailed explanation, or worst of all, a proud announcement about how he did something without being told to do so that is actually detrimental to the project.
And it only offers additional infuriation when the hapless responsible party reacts to his well-merited chewing out with a wide-eyed expression of hurt and shock, combined with a feeble protest “I was only trying to help!”
Stop. Fucking. Helping.
In many cases, that well-intended help is literally worse that useless. The problem, as is so often the case, is the mid- and low-status male’s lack of empathy and sympathy, which renders them unable to grasp what the other party wants, needs, and is attempting to do.
So, if you’re a Delta or a Gamma who finds that his best efforts to help others often goes awry and results in irritation instead of gratitude and narrowed eyes instead of the expected smiles, I suggest adopting the following policies:
Never offer an explanation when one has not been requested.
Never touch other people’s tools or equipment, much less modify or improve them.
Do not respond to every single thing someone tells you about with your opinion.
Before you offer an alternative solution, ask if the other person would like to hear one. This can be particularly annoying, because the vast majority of the time, what you’re going to suggest is something the other person has already considered and rejected for reasons of which you are unaware.
Be quick to offer help if it is requested. If it has not been requested, do not provide help unless you have first asked if help is wanted and the other person has confirmed that it is.
Never offer an opinion unless it is clear that what the person is planning to do could a) seriously harm them, b) cannot possibly work as the person believes, or c) is going to cause a disaster of some sort.
Most people are idiots. And most people only learn from their own mistakes, so as a general rule, you have to let them make those mistakes. And everyone has their own preferences, so it’s neither your business nor your problem if someone prefers to operate in what you consider to be a sub-optimal way.
In the immortal words of Bill Belichick: “Do Your Job!” Which means don’t even think about anyone else’s if yours is not complete.
One thing that really baffles me in my wife is the urge she has to correct others people grammar.
Just fucking let them alone in their errors. It is not our son or daughter.
But at least she is a woman and people have more tolerance for this coming from a woman. But when it comes from men, it’s fucking comic, and tragic.
Like the time my Gamma son, who is 6'5", decided to "help" me by rearranging all my kitchen cabinets so the things I use most frequently were within "easy reach". I am 5'3" (if I pouf my hair a bit). He learned that day to never mess with mom's kitchen.
I think the worst thing about Delta and Gamma non-empathy is that they think they're empathetic. "Well that's the way *I* would do it so I set it up that way for you." And then they're confused and hurt when you're enraged and undo all their "hard work".