"All I said was...." OMG!!!! I cannot highlight this phrase enough!! Perfect example of how passive aggressive et. al. types will manipulate and gaslight you. This is a great post. I have been told in the past that I come across intimidating, when I think I am just being direct. Introspection and self-awareness never hurt anyone, though it's not very common amongst gammas and women.
The discussion of tone and emphasis reminds of the type of sentence where the meaning changes depending on which word is emphasized:
"I never said he stole your wallet" has 7 different meanings, depending on which word is verbally stressed. Written without some kind of signifier or spoken without emphasis, the implications can be easily overlooked.
Its the Secret King delusion. Gammas tend to believe that they are intrinsically superior to everyone else, even when observable reality indicates the exact opposite – especially with trying to attract women.
Much here for Gammas, Omegas, and some Deltas to learn from. For a small energy investment, you change the tone and entire structure of any engagement. Could make someone's day.
Had one of those engagements early in the week, younger lady walking a dog. Dog kept pulling to come over; asked if her dog was friendly, she was walking him for a friend. "OK, maybe I'll meet you with your master another time - good dog! Enjoy your walk!" She was more relaxed and smiling, not wound tighter. Helped her day out some; easy to do.
Besides - looked like the kind of dog who'd want to play catch for ten minutes after meeting you.
I don't know how many times I've seen someone trying to deliver a sincere compliment or say something nice and still manage to offend the other person due to social tone-deafness.
I've noticed a lot of these people have poor taste in music, preferring music that is tonally flat without a lot of dynamics, or little interest in music at all, which makes me wonder if many of them are literally tone-deaf. *dons foil cap*
Body language and posture, facial expression, internal emotional state-all of these set the stage before the first word is even uttered.
Dale Carnegie was great for this as a shy young man. Bartending and waitering helped too-a good bartender/waiter performs as he serves, as confidant, audience, advisor, and hired buddy. Public speaking courses were invaluable, as well.
Carnegie, Stephen Covey, Toastmasters, theater, sales, public speaking courses. Waiting tables. Bartending.
One of the most important points I learned in corporate training was when speaking, keep in mind who you are talking to (the audience), what you want to say, and how to say it. Sad that this wasn't part of any k-12 education. It should be. But then again, we have a huge population that can barely read, let alone use the right word, in the proper context these days. I can't imagine if the inflection of the word changed it's meaning.
Supposedly they have more 'warrior gene' which is summarized as, "The "Warrior" Misnomer: Despite its popular media label, individuals carrying the variant do not spontaneously exhibit violent behavior. Mainstream genetic research underlines that the variant primarily correlates with reactive and retaliatory aggression specifically when a person experiences extreme provocation or social trauma". The asians have more frequency than africans, so why are blacks known to be so violent and asians not?
The speculation is that this is the origin of hyper polite culture. If the violence triggers off of retaliation then just don't offend, while also being scrutinizing of offenses because you're an aggressive person anyways.
Yes the audible negative narration of the day is weak, reflexive, an attempt to gain control with minimal risk, and self-soothing. A great method of control is to make it painful. Snap a rubber band worn around your wrist every time you complain. Or, lazy man, simply move it to the other wrist. Best advice I ever got. But it’s like spraying for weeds: you have to reapply consistently, and the weeds always return. If you are diligent there are fewer as time goes on.
Bonus: you get all the benefits of mirrored behavior as the OP states.
My autistic son had an inability to react and understand negativity and his potential bullies were turned to allies, so much so his high school made him into a home coming king because of a first ever tie in the voting. It was very informative watching his "disability" diffuse potential issues multiple times.
Your default tone setting also acts in the reverse. Take reading emails or texts, for example. We all know someone who routinely reacts negatively to something that was not written or intended to have a negative tone. Think about how they communicate in person. In most cases, this person will have a negative default tone setting and will filter for negativity.
It never hurts to come across as happy, nice, soft, or enthusiastic. Myself, I tend to be a bit more serious and dour. It's amazing for me how much people's reaction will change towards me when I am not.
You forgot speed of speech, it drive people nuts,
"All I said was...." OMG!!!! I cannot highlight this phrase enough!! Perfect example of how passive aggressive et. al. types will manipulate and gaslight you. This is a great post. I have been told in the past that I come across intimidating, when I think I am just being direct. Introspection and self-awareness never hurt anyone, though it's not very common amongst gammas and women.
The discussion of tone and emphasis reminds of the type of sentence where the meaning changes depending on which word is emphasized:
"I never said he stole your wallet" has 7 different meanings, depending on which word is verbally stressed. Written without some kind of signifier or spoken without emphasis, the implications can be easily overlooked.
"Because Gammas tend to run a constant self-commentary as they go about their day"
What does this mean?
I am sorry if it's a dumb question. Having trouble imaging it.
Its the Secret King delusion. Gammas tend to believe that they are intrinsically superior to everyone else, even when observable reality indicates the exact opposite – especially with trying to attract women.
Mm... Ok.
Dunno why the wording had me confused.
Much here for Gammas, Omegas, and some Deltas to learn from. For a small energy investment, you change the tone and entire structure of any engagement. Could make someone's day.
Had one of those engagements early in the week, younger lady walking a dog. Dog kept pulling to come over; asked if her dog was friendly, she was walking him for a friend. "OK, maybe I'll meet you with your master another time - good dog! Enjoy your walk!" She was more relaxed and smiling, not wound tighter. Helped her day out some; easy to do.
Besides - looked like the kind of dog who'd want to play catch for ten minutes after meeting you.
I don't know how many times I've seen someone trying to deliver a sincere compliment or say something nice and still manage to offend the other person due to social tone-deafness.
I've noticed a lot of these people have poor taste in music, preferring music that is tonally flat without a lot of dynamics, or little interest in music at all, which makes me wonder if many of them are literally tone-deaf. *dons foil cap*
Spoken is the icing, unspoken is the cake.
Body language and posture, facial expression, internal emotional state-all of these set the stage before the first word is even uttered.
Dale Carnegie was great for this as a shy young man. Bartending and waitering helped too-a good bartender/waiter performs as he serves, as confidant, audience, advisor, and hired buddy. Public speaking courses were invaluable, as well.
Carnegie, Stephen Covey, Toastmasters, theater, sales, public speaking courses. Waiting tables. Bartending.
Crucify the inner sperg.
In the South there is a saying: “A gentleman never offends on accident.”
A gentleman who offers offense is understood to be laying down a challenge, to have good reason for doing so and the willingness to back it up.
But some people just don’t understand this.
Bless their hearts.
One of the most important points I learned in corporate training was when speaking, keep in mind who you are talking to (the audience), what you want to say, and how to say it. Sad that this wasn't part of any k-12 education. It should be. But then again, we have a huge population that can barely read, let alone use the right word, in the proper context these days. I can't imagine if the inflection of the word changed it's meaning.
Vox, any thoughts as to why Asians in general are hyper-perceptive, from tone to body language and presentation, etc.?
Thai language has the same exact thing. "Khao" has probably a dozen different pronunciations, meaning everything from "knee" to "rice".
Supposedly they have more 'warrior gene' which is summarized as, "The "Warrior" Misnomer: Despite its popular media label, individuals carrying the variant do not spontaneously exhibit violent behavior. Mainstream genetic research underlines that the variant primarily correlates with reactive and retaliatory aggression specifically when a person experiences extreme provocation or social trauma". The asians have more frequency than africans, so why are blacks known to be so violent and asians not?
The speculation is that this is the origin of hyper polite culture. If the violence triggers off of retaliation then just don't offend, while also being scrutinizing of offenses because you're an aggressive person anyways.
Living at close quarters for centuries would be my initial presumption, but that's just a guess.
Yes the audible negative narration of the day is weak, reflexive, an attempt to gain control with minimal risk, and self-soothing. A great method of control is to make it painful. Snap a rubber band worn around your wrist every time you complain. Or, lazy man, simply move it to the other wrist. Best advice I ever got. But it’s like spraying for weeds: you have to reapply consistently, and the weeds always return. If you are diligent there are fewer as time goes on.
Bonus: you get all the benefits of mirrored behavior as the OP states.
My autistic son had an inability to react and understand negativity and his potential bullies were turned to allies, so much so his high school made him into a home coming king because of a first ever tie in the voting. It was very informative watching his "disability" diffuse potential issues multiple times.
"all I said was " ... SO Teknikally / Akshually I'm still perfect . Jesus called it "white washed tombs" -- earth isn't the only place it's low status
Your default tone setting also acts in the reverse. Take reading emails or texts, for example. We all know someone who routinely reacts negatively to something that was not written or intended to have a negative tone. Think about how they communicate in person. In most cases, this person will have a negative default tone setting and will filter for negativity.
It never hurts to come across as happy, nice, soft, or enthusiastic. Myself, I tend to be a bit more serious and dour. It's amazing for me how much people's reaction will change towards me when I am not.
Using "Jus' sayin'" is a reliable low status indicator
"If I'm being honest..."
"In the spirit of transparency..."
I heard “full transparency” more times than I’d like on zoom calls In The last month.
“I’m not gonna lie…”
Thank you for telling me that you lie on a regular basis.
Another great tell
Some non-liars use it, but anyone I don’t know gets a little extra consideration when they use it.
"Thank you for telling me that you lie on a regular basis"
"Some non-liars use it"
"anyone I don't know gets a little extra consideration"
You're a gamma Billy. Stop posturing.
Cool take big boy.