As a judge on Britain's Got Talent and half of the nation's most sucessful comedy duo, there was a time when David Walliams was seen as one of the most eligible bachelors in showbiz. Scarcely a month would go past without him being linked to a gorgeous model, singer or TV star in the wake of his divorce from model Lara Stone in 2015.
But did David Walliams actually date ANY of his 'exes'? Comedian admits Natalie Imbruglia saw him as a 'gay best friend' - and many of his past 'romances' weren't what they seemed.
Walliams is a smart and very successful man. He’s tall, he’s smart, he’s rich, he’s very famous, and if he’s a bit funny-looking, he’s not downright ugly. He’s also living, breathing evidence in support of the idea that low SSH status trumps wealth and fame, despite his model ex-wife and the long list of attractive celebrities that he encouraged everyone to believe he was dating.
But consider the way that the various women in these very public relationships described their nature.
When she was having trouble with a stalker at work, she called Walliams who was her 'knight in shining armour'.
'David has made it clear he has feelings for me but we’ve got to a point where we can just have a platonic relationship'. She went on to call the comedian a 'gentleman' and although they briefly dated, she told him she wanted to just remain friends.
David and the Spice Girl, 52, were said to have had a six-week dalliance back in 2007. She has since revealed that nothing romantic happened between them. She told the Mail on Sunday in 2015: ‘Love him. But he’s a friend. Never been anything more.’
Lauren revealed how David initially charmed his way into her heart with his sense of humour, saying: 'Before we got together we were just really good friends. But he took me out for dinner and he really made me laugh. It’s only been a few months, but it’s going really well.’ When they split up after three months, she admitted that the romance was mostly platonic. Apparently, the relationship did not progress beyond holding hands, the occasional kiss, and whispering sweet nothings to each other over the dinner table.
'She’s very much friend-zoned me. You know when that happens, that you have a huge crush on someone and you sort of imagine being married and what your kids look like and all that sort of thing? And you’re just completely friend-zoned.'
David was formerly married to Dutch model Lara Stone, 40, before their marriage ended in divorce in 2015, with the hearing lasting less than 60 seconds. David cited Lara's 'unreasonable behaviour' for the 'quickie divorce', with their case being put through alongside 20 other couples. The split came almost five years after they tied the knot after a whirlwind romance. David and Lara began dating in September 2009 after David took her to a Chelsea football match - with the funnyman later filling her home with flowers.
Although they reportedly share a 'special chemistry', it was previously claimed that David and Keeley are just close pals and share a long-standing friendship.
'He has a big empty home and was grateful for the company so it suited both parties. During her glamour modelling days, David was known as a keen admirer but now sees her very much as a close pal. 'Keeley also used David's pad as a base while renovating her new home in London She moved out just before lockdown.'
Every Delta should read this carefully and recognize the pattern illustrated here. The first lesson is that being a genuinely nice guy and providing acts of service for women does not generate sexual attraction. The second lesson is that while being tall, rich, or famous will get you in the door, it’s not enough to get you in the boudoir. Visibility is not success; the fact that you’re in the game does not necessarily mean that you’re winning it.
The third, and most important lesson, is to understand and accept your natural level. Walliams leveraged his very high social position to marry a younger model - note that it was “a whirlwind romance” in which he love-bombed her. But once she actually got to know the real man, it didn’t take long for her to want out at all costs. She’s since remarried to someone who doesn’t appear to make her skin crawl.
The sad thing is that Walliams could very easily parley his situation into marrying a very nice, pretty normal woman, but his insecurity is such that he continues to waste his time pursuing attractive female celebrities, who typically require strong Alphas to keep them even temporarily in line.
The friendzone is the result of attempting to outkick your coverage. And it’s not an effective means of indirectly pursuing a woman who is out of your league, although if you’ve got a sufficiently strong ego to accept your rejection, it can be a means of acquiring a very high-quality wingman.
Once you know who you are, stay in your lane. That’s the path to happiness and love. Because even if you do manage to somehow outkick your coverage for a short time, you’re probably going to end up regretting it.
Shooting way out of your league and succeeding has been such a pervasive movie trope that some people actually believe the reality of this falsehood.
Women seem to accept it, and even facilitate it in some cases, because they get a ton of free resources and also a backup plan if a worst-case scenario befalls them, like becoming a single mom with Tyrone's child. Suddenly "You're like a brother to me" becomes "I've finally realized what a great guy you are!"
The men foolishly think they're making progress when they spend time with her as a friend-zone dinner companion or helping her move or becoming some other utility item. Then complain about being used.
Having said the above, if an attractive woman is using you for "foodie calls" only, and she's so attractive that you think dinner is an acceptable expenditure, that's fine, but be cautious about over-investing emotionally and financially.
The problem with being a comedian majority of the time is that women don't take you seriously. The only time they will do is if you pass the congruency test against the stereotype of being a comedian.
For David, the core behavioural patterns betrayed the situational role giving women the vibe of an imposter hence freeze, flight or fight in the first picture.