Here's a story, with much abbreviated detail here, that I tell once in awhile. I saved a friend from certain injury, and while technically the hero of the story, I give the credit to something else.
While backpacking, my friend slipped on a mossy rock in a small but rapidly flowing stream. I managed to snatch him a few feet before a ten foot drop off. Thank goodness he was wearing a big, puffy coat that provided buoyancy or I never would have been able to reach him.
Excellent advice. My brother in law, either alpha or high beta and good at storytelling, would when being corrected on the facts say " yeah but why let the facts spoil a good story," which made it even funnier.
I have been trying to cut out the tangents. This is an especially bad habit when you’re attempting to relay a story to people of higher seniority as you’re essentially trying to second guess the details that they will find important. Many times I have drawn attention to a fact that I thought would be the central focus and no one else brings it up again.
Of course you come armed and prepared with that information if someone does ask but don’t presume you know what others will consider important.
It's been a long time since I've told a story, I used to be pretty good at it, always in a bar setting with a pint in hand. Now I do Morning Meetings (sales motivation). It's usually about 10-15 minutes, and I've had to do about 450 of them in the last 2.5 years. The majority are first person stories about how I was a fool or got easily stressed out (TSA) or how my wife was right and I was wrong, and then how I brought myself back to a frequency of Gratitude with my self-awareness toolbox. I use pitch--loud then quiet--and always open with an emotional hook: we just took off on a flight and left our new baby behind, my wife turned to me and started crying "mi amor, I miss him so much." This sets the hooks and sometimes the tears, and then pacing and volume get them jacked!
Successful trial lawyers can tell a story and in telling the story, they emotionally connect with their audience. Command of the facts is critical, but how the facts reasonably make you feel toward a situation is what really matters. Doing this requires you to interpret non-verbal cues from juries as to how well your are “connecting.”
Al-time greatest storyteller and “connector” with people? The One who invented people and the One with is the Author of all stories, Jesus Christ.
One of the biggest issues is that most people don't know how to view themselves from another's point of view. In order to become a good storyteller, you not only have to imagine what you look and sound like, you also have to imagine what the listener is thinking about what you look and sound like. And you have to think of all that and course correct in real time, while telling your story. Some people are naturals at this, but most people need a lot of practice.
That's why I always try to listen to my children when they are telling a story. When they're little, it's usually about as fun as a trip to the dentist, but the payoff is way bigger than you'd realize.
My grandfather sat in his rocking chair, pipe smoke curling around his hand the way it did whenever he wasn't working. "Before I bought this land from your great-grandfather, before he bought it from ole Austin himself, this was a sacred Indian ground."
He took another drag from his pipe and gestured lazily to the big four-trunk tree out back. "That, there, is a sacred treaty oak. They considered these trees special, you see, and that there tree points exactly in the four directions. You couldn't do no harm to anyone here, see, because the spirits would curse ya. So, every winter, a handful of tribes would set up tents in that field, there, and hunker down."
"That's how the outlaws found them after robbing the stagecoach at Stonewall."
---
There were a hundred stories he'd tell with pretty much that setup, I've been told. Wish I'd had a better chance to know the man.
High school teacher, preacher, author. Paying attention to your audience as you're telling a story can actually help you grow. If you're telling a story well and following Vox's advice, you'll actually be getting out of your own head and into the listeners', which is exactly what Deltas and Gammas most need. And, unless you're Norm MacDonald, take Vox's last advice especially to heart. Keep it short. Not necessarily Hemingway "Baby shoes for sale, barely used" short, but that essential flow is much easier to keep in a short story.
A little off-topic: One of the more personally memorable and challenging advice of Vox's in Sigma Game was about paying very closing attention to not only the other person but also myself when communicating with someone, particularly in a miscommunication or when an argument is starting: my thoughts, feelings, posture, tensions (where, what kind, etc). Taking listening to a whole new level.
When I was a kid it always pissed me off when people exaggerated their stories. I remember ever trying to correct the story teller out loud but I definitely did internally. I get it now, most things that happen in life just aren't entertaining enough to recount without embellishments, but back then I just thought they were lies.
The embellishment is the point. And the hidden thing is supposed to be hidden. Just as good clothes cover what it covers and hides what it hides. This line is said very early in the first episode of the first season.
Nucky Thompson: [to Jimmy] First rule of politics, kiddo: Never let the truth get in the way of a good story.
They really do - and it’s a huge reason that they don’t understand women.
When women are talking to a man or each other about day-to-day drama, they aren’t trying to communicate facts, they’re sharing feelings, values and in-group/out-group status.
The best thing I've heard is 'Boo the villain'. She is the princess, the hero or the sympathetic victim, she is the main character. Her friends assume that whoever is frustrating her, is the villain. Good friends with good politics assume that she's right somehow. Because feelings.
And to not fix her with a wrench, I need to be nothing more than a receiver and an echo. When she doesn't ask for a tool or an explanation.
Explicit information, yes. The face value of the words almost always aren't the most important part of the communication, but rather the implied information that comes encoded in tone, choice of topic, vocabulary, etc. Many men are stuck in concrete communication mode (trying to get my teenage son to understand this) and don't realize all the extra information being transmitted on the overtones and undertones of the carrier wave. It's like hearing a violin play a crescendoing note that is then left to die away plaintively and saying, "Oh, that was 440 Hz wasn't it?"
(Also why one of the cardinal sins of writing dialogue is being "on the nose." It just isn't natural because nobody speaks that way.)
I think it's an autism thing more than a general men's communication thing. If Michael Jordan were to tell you the story about the 1989 "the shot heard around the world" you'd be on the edge of the seat and begging for details. More commonly if you were to ask an older man about the biggest fish he caught or a younger man the best video game or sports play he's ever made you can see them back in that moment and take enjoyment from experiencing it alongside them.
Anyone who would describe the 1989 shot as, "I threw da ball and it went in da hoop." has something wrong with them. Even the dry wikipedia description has excitement dripping off the details: "Michael Jordan made a jump shot with 6 seconds left to give the Bulls a 99–98 lead. After Cleveland called a timeout, Craig Ehlo inbounded the ball to Larry Nance, who gave the ball back to Ehlo, who scored on a driving layup to give Cleveland a 100–99 lead with 3 seconds left. Chicago then called timeout. Jordan was double-teamed by Ehlo and Nance on the inbounds. Jordan first moved to his right, pushing Nance away, then cut left to get open and receive the inbound pass from Brad Sellers. Drifting to his left, Jordan made a jump shot at the foul line hanging in the air over the defending Ehlo who leaped to block the shot as time expired, giving the Bulls a 101–100 victory.[3]"
The only really successful story I have told was a memorized story from a former slave who was nearly killed by a bear. I was telling maybe two guys but the whole room went dead silent and hung on my every word until the payout. If you cant story tell, read a good story teller and memorize his stories. Don’t add. Dont edit. Do it Verbatim and its pretty hard to mess up
Can’t emphasize this enough. The self-obsessed miss the relational aspects of status. You’re presenting a whole set of social attitudes and reactions. And crab bucket vs. rising tide isn’t a hard appeal distinction.
Conversely, there’s a low-status acquaintance’s all-time self-pwn: “you think I’m a loser? You should see some of my friends!”
I like the bowl of whiskey in the first picture.
So a moth walks into a podiatrist's office…
How do you tell a story? Is there a resource I can recommend to somebody who is completely and utterly clueless on the matter?
Here's a story, with much abbreviated detail here, that I tell once in awhile. I saved a friend from certain injury, and while technically the hero of the story, I give the credit to something else.
While backpacking, my friend slipped on a mossy rock in a small but rapidly flowing stream. I managed to snatch him a few feet before a ten foot drop off. Thank goodness he was wearing a big, puffy coat that provided buoyancy or I never would have been able to reach him.
Excellent advice. My brother in law, either alpha or high beta and good at storytelling, would when being corrected on the facts say " yeah but why let the facts spoil a good story," which made it even funnier.
Great points. Solid advice. Thanks.
I have been trying to cut out the tangents. This is an especially bad habit when you’re attempting to relay a story to people of higher seniority as you’re essentially trying to second guess the details that they will find important. Many times I have drawn attention to a fact that I thought would be the central focus and no one else brings it up again.
Of course you come armed and prepared with that information if someone does ask but don’t presume you know what others will consider important.
It's been a long time since I've told a story, I used to be pretty good at it, always in a bar setting with a pint in hand. Now I do Morning Meetings (sales motivation). It's usually about 10-15 minutes, and I've had to do about 450 of them in the last 2.5 years. The majority are first person stories about how I was a fool or got easily stressed out (TSA) or how my wife was right and I was wrong, and then how I brought myself back to a frequency of Gratitude with my self-awareness toolbox. I use pitch--loud then quiet--and always open with an emotional hook: we just took off on a flight and left our new baby behind, my wife turned to me and started crying "mi amor, I miss him so much." This sets the hooks and sometimes the tears, and then pacing and volume get them jacked!
Successful trial lawyers can tell a story and in telling the story, they emotionally connect with their audience. Command of the facts is critical, but how the facts reasonably make you feel toward a situation is what really matters. Doing this requires you to interpret non-verbal cues from juries as to how well your are “connecting.”
Al-time greatest storyteller and “connector” with people? The One who invented people and the One with is the Author of all stories, Jesus Christ.
One of the biggest issues is that most people don't know how to view themselves from another's point of view. In order to become a good storyteller, you not only have to imagine what you look and sound like, you also have to imagine what the listener is thinking about what you look and sound like. And you have to think of all that and course correct in real time, while telling your story. Some people are naturals at this, but most people need a lot of practice.
That's why I always try to listen to my children when they are telling a story. When they're little, it's usually about as fun as a trip to the dentist, but the payoff is way bigger than you'd realize.
My grandfather sat in his rocking chair, pipe smoke curling around his hand the way it did whenever he wasn't working. "Before I bought this land from your great-grandfather, before he bought it from ole Austin himself, this was a sacred Indian ground."
He took another drag from his pipe and gestured lazily to the big four-trunk tree out back. "That, there, is a sacred treaty oak. They considered these trees special, you see, and that there tree points exactly in the four directions. You couldn't do no harm to anyone here, see, because the spirits would curse ya. So, every winter, a handful of tribes would set up tents in that field, there, and hunker down."
"That's how the outlaws found them after robbing the stagecoach at Stonewall."
---
There were a hundred stories he'd tell with pretty much that setup, I've been told. Wish I'd had a better chance to know the man.
High school teacher, preacher, author. Paying attention to your audience as you're telling a story can actually help you grow. If you're telling a story well and following Vox's advice, you'll actually be getting out of your own head and into the listeners', which is exactly what Deltas and Gammas most need. And, unless you're Norm MacDonald, take Vox's last advice especially to heart. Keep it short. Not necessarily Hemingway "Baby shoes for sale, barely used" short, but that essential flow is much easier to keep in a short story.
A little off-topic: One of the more personally memorable and challenging advice of Vox's in Sigma Game was about paying very closing attention to not only the other person but also myself when communicating with someone, particularly in a miscommunication or when an argument is starting: my thoughts, feelings, posture, tensions (where, what kind, etc). Taking listening to a whole new level.
When I was a kid it always pissed me off when people exaggerated their stories. I remember ever trying to correct the story teller out loud but I definitely did internally. I get it now, most things that happen in life just aren't entertaining enough to recount without embellishments, but back then I just thought they were lies.
The embellishment is the point. And the hidden thing is supposed to be hidden. Just as good clothes cover what it covers and hides what it hides. This line is said very early in the first episode of the first season.
Nucky Thompson: [to Jimmy] First rule of politics, kiddo: Never let the truth get in the way of a good story.
https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Boardwalk_Empire
It's fascinating to observe how most men fundamentally misunderstand the purpose of human communication. I may have to post on that tomorrow.
The accurate provision of information is not the primary, much less the sole, purpose of human communication.
If you embellish details of your stories, how do listeners know which parts of them are true?
They really do - and it’s a huge reason that they don’t understand women.
When women are talking to a man or each other about day-to-day drama, they aren’t trying to communicate facts, they’re sharing feelings, values and in-group/out-group status.
The best thing I've heard is 'Boo the villain'. She is the princess, the hero or the sympathetic victim, she is the main character. Her friends assume that whoever is frustrating her, is the villain. Good friends with good politics assume that she's right somehow. Because feelings.
And to not fix her with a wrench, I need to be nothing more than a receiver and an echo. When she doesn't ask for a tool or an explanation.
Explicit information, yes. The face value of the words almost always aren't the most important part of the communication, but rather the implied information that comes encoded in tone, choice of topic, vocabulary, etc. Many men are stuck in concrete communication mode (trying to get my teenage son to understand this) and don't realize all the extra information being transmitted on the overtones and undertones of the carrier wave. It's like hearing a violin play a crescendoing note that is then left to die away plaintively and saying, "Oh, that was 440 Hz wasn't it?"
(Also why one of the cardinal sins of writing dialogue is being "on the nose." It just isn't natural because nobody speaks that way.)
I think it's an autism thing more than a general men's communication thing. If Michael Jordan were to tell you the story about the 1989 "the shot heard around the world" you'd be on the edge of the seat and begging for details. More commonly if you were to ask an older man about the biggest fish he caught or a younger man the best video game or sports play he's ever made you can see them back in that moment and take enjoyment from experiencing it alongside them.
Anyone who would describe the 1989 shot as, "I threw da ball and it went in da hoop." has something wrong with them. Even the dry wikipedia description has excitement dripping off the details: "Michael Jordan made a jump shot with 6 seconds left to give the Bulls a 99–98 lead. After Cleveland called a timeout, Craig Ehlo inbounded the ball to Larry Nance, who gave the ball back to Ehlo, who scored on a driving layup to give Cleveland a 100–99 lead with 3 seconds left. Chicago then called timeout. Jordan was double-teamed by Ehlo and Nance on the inbounds. Jordan first moved to his right, pushing Nance away, then cut left to get open and receive the inbound pass from Brad Sellers. Drifting to his left, Jordan made a jump shot at the foul line hanging in the air over the defending Ehlo who leaped to block the shot as time expired, giving the Bulls a 101–100 victory.[3]"
The only really successful story I have told was a memorized story from a former slave who was nearly killed by a bear. I was telling maybe two guys but the whole room went dead silent and hung on my every word until the payout. If you cant story tell, read a good story teller and memorize his stories. Don’t add. Dont edit. Do it Verbatim and its pretty hard to mess up
Always make your boys look good!
Can’t emphasize this enough. The self-obsessed miss the relational aspects of status. You’re presenting a whole set of social attitudes and reactions. And crab bucket vs. rising tide isn’t a hard appeal distinction.
Conversely, there’s a low-status acquaintance’s all-time self-pwn: “you think I’m a loser? You should see some of my friends!”
When they did good, they did great.
When they screwed up, it was "someone, I don't remember who."