This also seems like high neuroticism which I assume Gamma's and Omegas have more of than average men. I'm a woman, and therefore have higher neuroticism than the majority of men, I used to be extremely neurotic even for a woman. The cause was the bad luck of both my parents being solid cases of NPD, they targeted me in particular out of their four kids. Their wrath, frustration, insecurities, and resentment towards everyone in their lives basically, was all projected onto me as my blame, shame and responsibility. To say this makes you somewhat paranoid about what people think about you, and what is inherently wrong with you, is an understatement. I relate to this Omega's experience a lot, this thought process was literally wired into my developing mind by my parents. When I started to unravel these thought patterns in my late teens it was saddening to realize 'oh, that's my mother's/father's voice in my head. I don't even think that, really.'
I've heard Vox say at least once before, one thing Sigmas and Omegas have in common typically is a lot of trauma. Arguably trauma may play a big role in making a man a Sigma or Omega. With this story I'm really starting to understand the connection to trauma. It also explains why I have such solid mutual understanding with the few Omegas I know. Between our life experience and how it shaped out mindset, there's common ground. I'll have to ask them some more specific questions about their experience. This is a very helpful example to branch off from.
One thing that I've noticed is that the lower status black men tend to be a bit more respectable. The ones that I'm thinking of were class clowns and were physically capable, although they were not attractive to women and not very competent.
Whether the normal or perhaps better state of people is to have an inner monologue or not to have one comes into play. That voice might not be helpful.
The way my church handles this (particularly in the women's ministry) is by aggressively reminding people that Jesus is the only one who can make you ok, and that if you aren't ok in Jesus then no amount of accolades, success, etc will ever make you ok. The entire truth of your identity, purpose, and well being are wrapped up in who Christ is and not what anyone else thinks of you. So when you fear other people that's a reminder to turn your eyes towards God and confess that He alone is your strength and salvation.
It's not so much that I've stopped caring what people thing. I do want my friends to like me. But I now have a framework for not fearing the world's opinion of me and for understanding that my deepest needs and fears can only be seen and met and dealt with through Jesus Christ.
It was eye opening to read Scott Peck's "People of the Lie," which--for those not familiar--is a examination of narcissism and evil through both a psychological and Christian perspective. But it has been an equal revelation to try to understand the SSH. I'm coming to grips with narcissism being more prevalent than I'd imagined, and looking within myself to see what drives my own behavior.
The core of all modern religions and a number of older ones is the worship of the self. Whether they call it dharma, yoga, self-actualization, self-realization, enlightenment, mystical practice, or whatever else matters not - the focus is on Luciferian self-enlightenment and independence from God and His goodness.
Only in Christ do I find the light of truth - I am wholly inadequate and corrupt down to my very core, and apart from Him I can never hope to approach God in any way.
Came out swinging with this post. It's so true though. Imposter syndrome and narcissism have the same mechanism. It's the same switched positive or negative but ultimately the mechanism overvalues internal input and undervalues external input.
When I realized this, my life was suddenly simple and joyful. Nobody cares. NOBODY CARES! It's freeing! (I think I was about 12 when I realized that. It's pretty easy to figure out.)
This is so great! It seem counter-intuitive at first, but it's clearly true. No-one cares that much about us. And if we thought about their lives for a few minutes, that would be obvious.
Here's a great corroborating quote from Samuel Johnson, 1751:
"If any man would consider how little he dwells upon the condition of others, he would learn how little the attention of others is attracted by himself."
I point people to Vox's Voxiversity Gamma video as an example of Sigma empathy.
You can tell by the tone of his voice and the script he's empathizing with the gamma's true plight--near-bottom social status--however the gamma got there.
I worked as a service writer at an RV dealership, and the head of the parts dept was a hostile viscious woman with no brakes (well, she HAD brakes, in the back, but that's not the kind I mean {wink}). If she had to check with you about something, or you with her, it was scalding!
She came into the serrvice dept one day about some part that one of the techs had gotten and just reamed me (!) up one side and down the other... I responded calmly and told her what she needed and she stormed off. My boss, the head of Service -- who had hidden in his office when he saw her coming -- came out and asked me:
"Why do you let her speak to you that way?"
"This is a business setting. ONE of us has to be the adult, and she is not capable of it."
He was impressed.
It did not make her any easier to deal with: but when one of techs was snarling to me about her, I pointed out: "I actually feel a bit sorry for her. It's her own fault, but it must be hard to live when EVERY time you enter a room, every person in the room flinches and tries to turn or get away."
I believe what was my 'coping mechanism' is part of the Sigmas don't CARE what the other person feels. I didn't CARE what she felt or what made her that way and I was not responsible for 'bringing her up correctly! {shrug}
Avalanche, what do you think is the point of adding this to what was already a complete sentence?
" (well, she HAD brakes, in the back, but that's not the kind I mean {wink})."
It adds nothing. It's poor communication and even worse style. You would do well to understand that a) communication is not performance, and b) if you are performing, you are not prioritizing communication.
Let others comment on your writing. Don't try to do it for them.
The more you understand the twisted core at the heart of Gamma, the more sympathetic you should become. It's a collection of so many little notions, so close to our own, but twisted together into an identity of self-loathing and fear.
There but for the grace of God go I. Whenever I'm at my angriest with someone, I remind myself how easily I could, or previously have, done the same thing
One of your better pieces, on this site. Very insightful - thanks.
(Assuming you care ;-)
To paraphrase a bit..
You'll worry less about what people think about you, if you could realize how seldom they actually do.
Can someone help me identify the SSH rank of Pericles the Athenian? My guess is Delta.
Wasn't he a successful leader? Alpha.
This also seems like high neuroticism which I assume Gamma's and Omegas have more of than average men. I'm a woman, and therefore have higher neuroticism than the majority of men, I used to be extremely neurotic even for a woman. The cause was the bad luck of both my parents being solid cases of NPD, they targeted me in particular out of their four kids. Their wrath, frustration, insecurities, and resentment towards everyone in their lives basically, was all projected onto me as my blame, shame and responsibility. To say this makes you somewhat paranoid about what people think about you, and what is inherently wrong with you, is an understatement. I relate to this Omega's experience a lot, this thought process was literally wired into my developing mind by my parents. When I started to unravel these thought patterns in my late teens it was saddening to realize 'oh, that's my mother's/father's voice in my head. I don't even think that, really.'
I've heard Vox say at least once before, one thing Sigmas and Omegas have in common typically is a lot of trauma. Arguably trauma may play a big role in making a man a Sigma or Omega. With this story I'm really starting to understand the connection to trauma. It also explains why I have such solid mutual understanding with the few Omegas I know. Between our life experience and how it shaped out mindset, there's common ground. I'll have to ask them some more specific questions about their experience. This is a very helpful example to branch off from.
One thing that I've noticed is that the lower status black men tend to be a bit more respectable. The ones that I'm thinking of were class clowns and were physically capable, although they were not attractive to women and not very competent.
Whether the normal or perhaps better state of people is to have an inner monologue or not to have one comes into play. That voice might not be helpful.
The way my church handles this (particularly in the women's ministry) is by aggressively reminding people that Jesus is the only one who can make you ok, and that if you aren't ok in Jesus then no amount of accolades, success, etc will ever make you ok. The entire truth of your identity, purpose, and well being are wrapped up in who Christ is and not what anyone else thinks of you. So when you fear other people that's a reminder to turn your eyes towards God and confess that He alone is your strength and salvation.
It's not so much that I've stopped caring what people thing. I do want my friends to like me. But I now have a framework for not fearing the world's opinion of me and for understanding that my deepest needs and fears can only be seen and met and dealt with through Jesus Christ.
So true. You enter a room and literally no one cares. Inside your head you think they do but they don't.
The perfect expression is that meme of the Wojack in the corner of the party.
"They don't know I'm ___", nor do they care even a bit.
Don't mind me. I'm just here to see how the gammas twist this one.
For the Omegas.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FBFZyHeJNV4
It was eye opening to read Scott Peck's "People of the Lie," which--for those not familiar--is a examination of narcissism and evil through both a psychological and Christian perspective. But it has been an equal revelation to try to understand the SSH. I'm coming to grips with narcissism being more prevalent than I'd imagined, and looking within myself to see what drives my own behavior.
That is why Christians are constantly trying to crucify the flesh. The Self, when put first, is the enemy.
The core of all modern religions and a number of older ones is the worship of the self. Whether they call it dharma, yoga, self-actualization, self-realization, enlightenment, mystical practice, or whatever else matters not - the focus is on Luciferian self-enlightenment and independence from God and His goodness.
Only in Christ do I find the light of truth - I am wholly inadequate and corrupt down to my very core, and apart from Him I can never hope to approach God in any way.
Came out swinging with this post. It's so true though. Imposter syndrome and narcissism have the same mechanism. It's the same switched positive or negative but ultimately the mechanism overvalues internal input and undervalues external input.
I often felt this same way until I heard a quote along the lines of, "If you want to know what people are thinking about you—they aren't."
When I realized this, my life was suddenly simple and joyful. Nobody cares. NOBODY CARES! It's freeing! (I think I was about 12 when I realized that. It's pretty easy to figure out.)
This is so great! It seem counter-intuitive at first, but it's clearly true. No-one cares that much about us. And if we thought about their lives for a few minutes, that would be obvious.
Here's a great corroborating quote from Samuel Johnson, 1751:
"If any man would consider how little he dwells upon the condition of others, he would learn how little the attention of others is attracted by himself."
Consider how much effort goes into promoting celebrity. If that's how little people care about the "famous," how much less must they care about you?
For the Omega, he may never forget the day that an elderly couple triggered his self loathing.
For them, it was just another Tuesday.
I point people to Vox's Voxiversity Gamma video as an example of Sigma empathy.
You can tell by the tone of his voice and the script he's empathizing with the gamma's true plight--near-bottom social status--however the gamma got there.
I worked as a service writer at an RV dealership, and the head of the parts dept was a hostile viscious woman with no brakes (well, she HAD brakes, in the back, but that's not the kind I mean {wink}). If she had to check with you about something, or you with her, it was scalding!
She came into the serrvice dept one day about some part that one of the techs had gotten and just reamed me (!) up one side and down the other... I responded calmly and told her what she needed and she stormed off. My boss, the head of Service -- who had hidden in his office when he saw her coming -- came out and asked me:
"Why do you let her speak to you that way?"
"This is a business setting. ONE of us has to be the adult, and she is not capable of it."
He was impressed.
It did not make her any easier to deal with: but when one of techs was snarling to me about her, I pointed out: "I actually feel a bit sorry for her. It's her own fault, but it must be hard to live when EVERY time you enter a room, every person in the room flinches and tries to turn or get away."
I believe what was my 'coping mechanism' is part of the Sigmas don't CARE what the other person feels. I didn't CARE what she felt or what made her that way and I was not responsible for 'bringing her up correctly! {shrug}
Avalanche, what do you think is the point of adding this to what was already a complete sentence?
" (well, she HAD brakes, in the back, but that's not the kind I mean {wink})."
It adds nothing. It's poor communication and even worse style. You would do well to understand that a) communication is not performance, and b) if you are performing, you are not prioritizing communication.
Let others comment on your writing. Don't try to do it for them.
It was a joke, but as always, I take your point... adding a joke is performing. I'll work on that too... Thanks.
The more you understand the twisted core at the heart of Gamma, the more sympathetic you should become. It's a collection of so many little notions, so close to our own, but twisted together into an identity of self-loathing and fear.
There but for the grace of God go I. Whenever I'm at my angriest with someone, I remind myself how easily I could, or previously have, done the same thing
Being raised by single mothers or having a weak Father and having weak internal masculinity does that to you. But even then it can be overcome.