This one made me smile. There are two men in this wide world that my mother in law hates, her ex-husband and me. We are the only two men in her life that have consistently told her to pound sand.
In general, a man must be more Alpha in his marriage regardless of his role in the SSH. Being a Bravo at work, doesn’t translate directly into the home. A good lieutenant should understand better how to lead a family as a Number One, despite his tendency to defer to his boss at work. At home, the buck stops with him. This is the nature of patriarchy and male headship.
Interesting. I had never heard of this but it sounds plausible and would explain some baffling behavior. Will give this a test drive.
While I doubt this is a conscious decision, I would not blame the Sigma for drawing a boundary. If there is nothing that can be fixed or managed to avoid the unpleasant behavior, what other logical answer is there? Is that not the point of this whole exercise- to consciously make better decisions through understand others by minimizing our own filters and biases while having a clearer view others'?
Is there a corollary to this involving college education? An imprint that rhymes with the alpha widow? Women universally take the college experience as an upgrade in status and expect a commensurate upgrade in the dating pool, yet it is contra reality. In my day it was expressly acknowledged that men were looking for the inverse - I believe Vox called it out in a comment - anti-hypergamy.
I find it interesting that women in the macro file for divorce 70-80% of the time, depending on the study, but it is pretty conclusive that the women most likely to file for divorce are those that are college educated. I have not seen a study that puts those with an 4 year degree or higher anywhere near the average, the hang out at the 90% range. There is your corollary. The inverse “Anti-hypergamy” is correct as well, men don’t (usually) care about a womens education, earning ability or even socioeconomic status. Speaking broadly, it seems that regardless of where a man fits in the sexual marketplace, whether he is seeking 4’s or 8’s, he wants a women that is fit friendly and cooperative to start a relationship with her and if she is loyal he’ll keep her around. If she is also compatible he’ll consider her for a long term relationship. None of what men are looking for elevates a women’s ability to “acquire” a higher status man simply because she has a degree. From what I’ve gathered, a degree only raises her pseudo-perceived value in her own mind which unfortunately causes her to exclude men who are on her level because she has taken into account a “status upgrade” that disagrees with the choosing paradigm of most men.
For most people, college was a significant investment in time and work. So women (like men) value the experience. And thus they project it onto their mate criteria: must marry college men.
Rose from Titanic is the obvious textbook example here but Eva from Monster stands out as one, as of where I've watched up to. Breaks off her engagement to the main character but then seven years, multiple failed marriages and at least 2 attempts to get back with him later, she's a drunken wreck who drags Deltas into short-lived romantic stints as a coping mechanism. Very fascinating character writing from a socio-sexual perspective.
I wonder if the Japanese have also observed such a hierarchy within men. Wouldn't be a surprise given their "herbivore men" also predate the rise of the incel in the west.
Being an alpha widow is a state of the heart, in both the romantic and biblical sense.
The bodycount merely reveals the continence or lack thereof in containing it.
There is no guarantee that a low or zero-count will yield either love or faithfulness. Even a virtuous woman - If she is charmed by men beyond her reach - may not engage in premarital sex, except the punchline is that she may not engage in much post-marital sex either (poor Delta).
One of the reasons, I am sure, that in many cultures fathers protect their daughters from the mesmerizing experience of encountering men beyond their Marriage Market clearing price.
If you are looking for another alpha widow tell, go watch the Beatles 1964 Shea Stadium concert. Scan the crowd and note the women. The happy ones clapping and chatting with their friends are your wife material. The ones sobbing uncontrollably have already been taken by the AW virus.
While some of what you're saying is interesting and true, I think overall you're a little off base here. All women are Alpha-attracted. Some do a better job controlling it or hiding it than others. But what truly creates an Alpha WIDOW is actual romantic and/or sexual contact with an Alpha, however fleeting. It's not mere exposure to an Alpha on a stage, it's the experience and feeling of being personally selected, led, and seduced by the Alpha. For a time, however brief, she was "married" in her heart and mind to that Alpha. Without that "marriage," there is no widowhood, there's just hypergamy.
Last point first, I am NOT saying that a specific alpha widowhood relationship was established, I'm referring to the potential. All women are hypergamous and alpha-attracted, as you note. The reaction of a specific woman to alpha status is worth noting.
My first point, however, I believe I have observed more than once. We agree that the contact does not need to be sexual, it could be merely romantic. I witnessed this occurring in a one-way fashion. I assert that it only needs to be in her own mind. My first point is that alpha widowhood is a mind/heart thing, and that bodycount may not be a good proxy for this issue, as a commenter noted below.
I wrote a long reply, but since writing it I re-read Vox's original article, and based on what he wrote there, I think I should concede that you're right and I'm wrong.
"In her mind, he’s the one that got away, regardless of whether she actually ever had him or not."
You're right--Alpha Widowhood ultimately IS in her mind. Some women will become Alpha Widows because they really did date that Alpha who got away, others may become Alpha Widows based on an unrequited crush, a brush with fame, the presence of a super-alpha in their social circle, or really anything else.
An Alpha Widow is what she is today based on her own thoughts and feelings about the past. What matters is those thoughts and feelings, not the specific facts of what happened in the past. Now I get it!
To combine my reply to both of your comments. First, I am guilty of afterthoughts, the concert element being not as well thought-out as the main point. And you may be right that it is not a tell for impending AW-hood. Perhaps something else. Which got me thinking...
Anyway, my gamma-explainy circuit is irrepressibly compelled to point out that I was not trying to be right, but I did note that my original point was kind of muddy.
I suppose AWs are easier to detect than predict.
Back to your other suggestion - maybe the highly emotional "concert" response is indicative of something else. My Delta self perceives risk there ..but I .. can't put my finger on it...
Your other point about high body count diluting is an interesting one.
It appears that the Delta may be faced with a passion paradox - he has to choose between a loyal woman who will match with him, or a passionate one who may find it impossible to be satisfied.
And now, another tortured use of Vox's "Any [X] sufficiently ---" format:
Any woman sufficiently passionate to make a Delta feel desired will only feel it for an Alpha (or Sigma).
I agree that a highly emotional concert response is some kind of indicator and you may be right to perceive some risk there. One specific sub-type of red flag that occurs to me is not so much the screaming teenage Beatles fans, but more the 25-30 year old women fixated on the Alpha performer and sexily dancing, presenting herself to the performer. The red flag there to me is her lack of concern for what the guys in her group might think. She's demonstrating that she expects the Alpha, thinks she deserves him, and does not care at all what the Delta and Bravo guys in her group might think. She doesn't expect to settle for any of them (or at least doesn't expect to have to work hard to land them). A more demure and realistic girl might feel the same attraction for the Alpha, but be a bit more circumspect and less droolingly obvious about it, and that might suggest that she'll be a better match for a non-Alpha in the future.
I want to give a pep talk regarding this passion paradox idea. I don't think the tradeoff you mention actually exists. I don't think female interest in Alphas/Sigmas is necessarily correlated with "passion." I think all women have that interest. Yes, more attractive women might have more sexual confidence, which can be a plus, but other than that, I think underlying libido is mostly independent of a) female hotness rank and b) their public passion for Alphas. Much of libido, though, is situational rather than underlying. And on that front, the Delta is much better served by a loyal woman of his own relative rank (or lower) than by a hotter woman who resents him for not being an Alpha. A female "5" is more passionate with her male "5" Delta than a female 7 would be.
I don't think Deltas should particularly screen for general passion levels. They should choose someone of their same relative rank (or lower) who demonstrates some real romantic interest in the Delta, they should screen for compatibility, and for various wifely virtues. And they should avoid Alpha Widows, other overly promiscuous types, and delusional women who significantly overestimate their own attractiveness ranking. If you choose thusly, and then try to be your best, you should expect MORE "sufficient passion" than you'd get from the more obviously "passionate" girls.
Got it on your last point--you're not saying a specific Alpha Widow (AW) relationship was established at the concert. I'm still not sure I agree with you on concert swooning as a good indicator of AW potential (though it may indicate other things worth noting).
And AW potential isn't an important indicator anyway. The pre-requisite for becoming an AW is "Alpha Marriage" (however fleeting or one-sided), and that pre-requisite is met or not via life experience, not predisposition.
I agree that Alpha Widowhood CAN occur without sex or romance. But I think you're focusing on the exceptions rather than the rule. MOST Alpha Widows experienced something interpersonally intense in their "Alpha Marriages." Usually sex. The Alpha may not care about her, but it's his interaction with her that helps it to become a "marriage" in her mind, not just her attraction and imagination.
A high body count is definitely not necessary, but a true Alpha Widow usually has a body count of at least one.
(A high body count may even be negatively correlated with Alpha Widowhood, because it reduces the relative influence of that ONE guy.)
Yes, Alpha Widowhood is ultimately a state of the heart and mind. It's not just about having had that Alpha "marriage," it's about whether she feels (even subconsciously) like a WIDOW instead of like an Alpha Divorcee or Alpha Ex-Girlfriend. Even so, Alpha Widows are made, not born.
I also can't imagine taking any woman I didn't know seriously if she'd tried to ORDER me to do anything. It would be absurd to even contemplate obeying.
I'd probably be more confused than anything: "Who are you and why are you such a (REDACTED)?"
It's a bummer that women despise Deltas. I have a friend who is a great guy. Truck driver. Solid, dependable, awesome handyman and mechanic. He and his wife have helped me out a ton in life. But she became a sexless harridan. She was my friend before he was, but I can't imagine enduring being married to her.
He eventually cheated on her but eventually confessed and he's still with his wife. Funny enough, they seem happier AFTER that than before. Shame she let it come to that.
Dr. Laura said once about women depriving their men: "So do you want him to divorce you, cheat on you or hire hookers?"
From a non-Christian perspective, it is one possible and viable strategy.
Several thing could have come out of that. First, someone else wants him. Unless the other woman was a total ug, the wife would feel threatened and jealous. I observe that women Often require some sort of emotional friction to operate. The fear of loss, the jealousy, the fury at him, and - this one is very key - the quasi -alpha/sigma move of taking care of his own wants ahead of hers.
Women want all the other men to follow the rules; they want theirs to be a rulebreaker.
In the 1st World, women are taught by both nature and nurture to go for the man who gives her the tingles. In the same way both nature and nurture in the 1st World teaches men to go for the easy lay or orgasm (porn, masturbation, etc.). Healthy societies taught their children the opposite and thus had happier and healthier, if less exciting, marriages.
"Live your life how you want, but don't mistake drama for happiness."---Ron Swanson
Do Alpha Widows hide their longing for the Alpha when looking to settle down? If yes what can Deltas do to quickly screen for an Alpha Widow so that they don’t sign-up for one in the long-run?
Vox wrote, "The situation with the Sigma son-in-law is a different and unrelated matter. The mother is obviously a bit of a control freak, and her total inability to control her son-in-law, and the way he interferes with her ability to influence her daughter, enrages her."
Yes. I had a friend once who boldly stated after meeting my husband that she was intimidated by men she couldn't control. Most of that sort of women are a little more subtle about their reaction, but they are often like smaller birds when bigger birds of prey are near - by going on the attack and shrieking when they can get away with it, or by hiding and cowering when they can't.
Women don't like men being concerned with number of sexual partners, but quite obviously if a woman has a bodycount of zero, the risk of marrying an Alpha widow is also zero.
Maybe. Maybe not. She might have lost her heart to him at some point, and dated for a while, but when she wouldn't put out, or something better came along, he ditched her. There's a sex-ed kit that essentially reminds girls to "guard their hearts" when they're too young to make a real commitment, or understand the kind of man they should be with.
I wonder if *Persuasian* could be considered an Alpha Widow fantasy, since the heroine does, eventually end up with the naval officer she's pined for.
what is it with chicks liking guitar players. Back in the day when I would stay at hostels some for all intents and purposes loser would usually pull a decent chick by being shit at the guitar.
It's a simple and visible way of demonstrating mastery of a skill, or your willingness to work toward mastery. And, in public. Takes some guts to perform in public. It also ties to those guitarists who made it and have fame and money. Carry a sketch pad, pull it out, and do a portrait. You will get a little of that attention in the right venue.
Also, (1) music can effectively tap into emotions. (2) Women operate predominately in the emotional realm. (3) A minimum competency performance of a song allows the woman to attach her emotions to the performer--regardless of whether the performer actually shares those emotions.
It's similar to the "everyman" trope in narratives and is most effective on women who feel emotionally isolated and are craving connection and stability. Temporary solace, long-term damage.
Well luckily I was good at languages and was conversational in a number of European ones so I didn't need the guitar, I just blabbed away in German or Swedish or Norwegian etc. But I just never got the apeal of the crappy guitarist. Fully get it if the dude plays a sick tune but my ears can only hear wonderwall so many times in one night
Speaking other languages doesn't come across as high-status in the way being a musician does. In fact, it actually comes across as low-status. A high-status man uses his own language and expects others to bend to him. (Within reason, of course.)
> But I just never got the apeal of the crappy guitarist.
Crappy to you is clearly not crappy to her. A musically trained woman might have your same reaction to sub-par playing - but if she's tone-deaf ... she just sees a guy confidently playing in public.
Maybe if she saw you break his guitar over his head she would change her mind on the attractiveness.
Describing 10th century Baghdad by John Glubb: "The historians commented bitterly on the extraordinary influence acquired by popular singers over young people, resulting in a decline in sexual morality. The ‘pop’ singers of Baghdad accompanied their erotic songs on the lute, an instrument resembling the modern guitar"
It works, that's all you need to know for game, and it's worked for over a thousand years so it's not an incidental thing.
> It’s a tremendous pity that women don’t appreciate Deltas more, since Deltas are the literal bedrock of all human civilization, but they simply don’t
If their pastors told them to they would at least pretend to, which is why previous societies continued to exist and ours will not.
I would say, more specifically, that if Alphas wanted Deltas to have families then they would. And Alphas will be more amenable to the idea when you take their indoor plumbing away. "Why can't I ever find a good plumber?" Well, you have to breed them twenty years ago, it doesn't just happen by magic.
Alphas don't buikd or run everything and they sometimes ruin things. Look at Bill Gates a delta or Harvey Weinstein, a gamma who nevertheless made some good movies. There is an Alpha Chad in a bar somewhere with massively more sex appeal than Bill gates in his prime. But it would be stupid to make him CEO of Microsoft.
People continue to say that big is beautiful because it's exhausting to have to argue against it. Women aren't ashamed of being single mothers or of kicking fathers out of the home, because it is seen and heard of often enough.
A recent Alpha Widow I met relishes being put in her place, but had "ego" as serious a deal breaker. Is she just broken from the past, delusional, or is there another explaination?
Frankly she had quite an ego of her own, having not yet realized the wall she has hit at age 45.
This one made me smile. There are two men in this wide world that my mother in law hates, her ex-husband and me. We are the only two men in her life that have consistently told her to pound sand.
In general, a man must be more Alpha in his marriage regardless of his role in the SSH. Being a Bravo at work, doesn’t translate directly into the home. A good lieutenant should understand better how to lead a family as a Number One, despite his tendency to defer to his boss at work. At home, the buck stops with him. This is the nature of patriarchy and male headship.
Interesting. I had never heard of this but it sounds plausible and would explain some baffling behavior. Will give this a test drive.
While I doubt this is a conscious decision, I would not blame the Sigma for drawing a boundary. If there is nothing that can be fixed or managed to avoid the unpleasant behavior, what other logical answer is there? Is that not the point of this whole exercise- to consciously make better decisions through understand others by minimizing our own filters and biases while having a clearer view others'?
Is there a corollary to this involving college education? An imprint that rhymes with the alpha widow? Women universally take the college experience as an upgrade in status and expect a commensurate upgrade in the dating pool, yet it is contra reality. In my day it was expressly acknowledged that men were looking for the inverse - I believe Vox called it out in a comment - anti-hypergamy.
I find it interesting that women in the macro file for divorce 70-80% of the time, depending on the study, but it is pretty conclusive that the women most likely to file for divorce are those that are college educated. I have not seen a study that puts those with an 4 year degree or higher anywhere near the average, the hang out at the 90% range. There is your corollary. The inverse “Anti-hypergamy” is correct as well, men don’t (usually) care about a womens education, earning ability or even socioeconomic status. Speaking broadly, it seems that regardless of where a man fits in the sexual marketplace, whether he is seeking 4’s or 8’s, he wants a women that is fit friendly and cooperative to start a relationship with her and if she is loyal he’ll keep her around. If she is also compatible he’ll consider her for a long term relationship. None of what men are looking for elevates a women’s ability to “acquire” a higher status man simply because she has a degree. From what I’ve gathered, a degree only raises her pseudo-perceived value in her own mind which unfortunately causes her to exclude men who are on her level because she has taken into account a “status upgrade” that disagrees with the choosing paradigm of most men.
Nah. That college thing is just female solipsism.
For most people, college was a significant investment in time and work. So women (like men) value the experience. And thus they project it onto their mate criteria: must marry college men.
Rose from Titanic is the obvious textbook example here but Eva from Monster stands out as one, as of where I've watched up to. Breaks off her engagement to the main character but then seven years, multiple failed marriages and at least 2 attempts to get back with him later, she's a drunken wreck who drags Deltas into short-lived romantic stints as a coping mechanism. Very fascinating character writing from a socio-sexual perspective.
I wonder if the Japanese have also observed such a hierarchy within men. Wouldn't be a surprise given their "herbivore men" also predate the rise of the incel in the west.
"Though he puts her on a pedestal he still displeases her"
That is one of the reasons he displeases her, when a man pedalizes a woman he is signaling that her status is higher than is.
Being an alpha widow is a state of the heart, in both the romantic and biblical sense.
The bodycount merely reveals the continence or lack thereof in containing it.
There is no guarantee that a low or zero-count will yield either love or faithfulness. Even a virtuous woman - If she is charmed by men beyond her reach - may not engage in premarital sex, except the punchline is that she may not engage in much post-marital sex either (poor Delta).
One of the reasons, I am sure, that in many cultures fathers protect their daughters from the mesmerizing experience of encountering men beyond their Marriage Market clearing price.
If you are looking for another alpha widow tell, go watch the Beatles 1964 Shea Stadium concert. Scan the crowd and note the women. The happy ones clapping and chatting with their friends are your wife material. The ones sobbing uncontrollably have already been taken by the AW virus.
While some of what you're saying is interesting and true, I think overall you're a little off base here. All women are Alpha-attracted. Some do a better job controlling it or hiding it than others. But what truly creates an Alpha WIDOW is actual romantic and/or sexual contact with an Alpha, however fleeting. It's not mere exposure to an Alpha on a stage, it's the experience and feeling of being personally selected, led, and seduced by the Alpha. For a time, however brief, she was "married" in her heart and mind to that Alpha. Without that "marriage," there is no widowhood, there's just hypergamy.
Last point first, I am NOT saying that a specific alpha widowhood relationship was established, I'm referring to the potential. All women are hypergamous and alpha-attracted, as you note. The reaction of a specific woman to alpha status is worth noting.
My first point, however, I believe I have observed more than once. We agree that the contact does not need to be sexual, it could be merely romantic. I witnessed this occurring in a one-way fashion. I assert that it only needs to be in her own mind. My first point is that alpha widowhood is a mind/heart thing, and that bodycount may not be a good proxy for this issue, as a commenter noted below.
Even a zero-count could be an alpha widow.
I wrote a long reply, but since writing it I re-read Vox's original article, and based on what he wrote there, I think I should concede that you're right and I'm wrong.
"In her mind, he’s the one that got away, regardless of whether she actually ever had him or not."
You're right--Alpha Widowhood ultimately IS in her mind. Some women will become Alpha Widows because they really did date that Alpha who got away, others may become Alpha Widows based on an unrequited crush, a brush with fame, the presence of a super-alpha in their social circle, or really anything else.
An Alpha Widow is what she is today based on her own thoughts and feelings about the past. What matters is those thoughts and feelings, not the specific facts of what happened in the past. Now I get it!
To combine my reply to both of your comments. First, I am guilty of afterthoughts, the concert element being not as well thought-out as the main point. And you may be right that it is not a tell for impending AW-hood. Perhaps something else. Which got me thinking...
Anyway, my gamma-explainy circuit is irrepressibly compelled to point out that I was not trying to be right, but I did note that my original point was kind of muddy.
I suppose AWs are easier to detect than predict.
Back to your other suggestion - maybe the highly emotional "concert" response is indicative of something else. My Delta self perceives risk there ..but I .. can't put my finger on it...
Your other point about high body count diluting is an interesting one.
It appears that the Delta may be faced with a passion paradox - he has to choose between a loyal woman who will match with him, or a passionate one who may find it impossible to be satisfied.
And now, another tortured use of Vox's "Any [X] sufficiently ---" format:
Any woman sufficiently passionate to make a Delta feel desired will only feel it for an Alpha (or Sigma).
I've clearly got a gamma-explainy circuit myself!
I agree that a highly emotional concert response is some kind of indicator and you may be right to perceive some risk there. One specific sub-type of red flag that occurs to me is not so much the screaming teenage Beatles fans, but more the 25-30 year old women fixated on the Alpha performer and sexily dancing, presenting herself to the performer. The red flag there to me is her lack of concern for what the guys in her group might think. She's demonstrating that she expects the Alpha, thinks she deserves him, and does not care at all what the Delta and Bravo guys in her group might think. She doesn't expect to settle for any of them (or at least doesn't expect to have to work hard to land them). A more demure and realistic girl might feel the same attraction for the Alpha, but be a bit more circumspect and less droolingly obvious about it, and that might suggest that she'll be a better match for a non-Alpha in the future.
I want to give a pep talk regarding this passion paradox idea. I don't think the tradeoff you mention actually exists. I don't think female interest in Alphas/Sigmas is necessarily correlated with "passion." I think all women have that interest. Yes, more attractive women might have more sexual confidence, which can be a plus, but other than that, I think underlying libido is mostly independent of a) female hotness rank and b) their public passion for Alphas. Much of libido, though, is situational rather than underlying. And on that front, the Delta is much better served by a loyal woman of his own relative rank (or lower) than by a hotter woman who resents him for not being an Alpha. A female "5" is more passionate with her male "5" Delta than a female 7 would be.
I don't think Deltas should particularly screen for general passion levels. They should choose someone of their same relative rank (or lower) who demonstrates some real romantic interest in the Delta, they should screen for compatibility, and for various wifely virtues. And they should avoid Alpha Widows, other overly promiscuous types, and delusional women who significantly overestimate their own attractiveness ranking. If you choose thusly, and then try to be your best, you should expect MORE "sufficient passion" than you'd get from the more obviously "passionate" girls.
Got it on your last point--you're not saying a specific Alpha Widow (AW) relationship was established at the concert. I'm still not sure I agree with you on concert swooning as a good indicator of AW potential (though it may indicate other things worth noting).
And AW potential isn't an important indicator anyway. The pre-requisite for becoming an AW is "Alpha Marriage" (however fleeting or one-sided), and that pre-requisite is met or not via life experience, not predisposition.
I agree that Alpha Widowhood CAN occur without sex or romance. But I think you're focusing on the exceptions rather than the rule. MOST Alpha Widows experienced something interpersonally intense in their "Alpha Marriages." Usually sex. The Alpha may not care about her, but it's his interaction with her that helps it to become a "marriage" in her mind, not just her attraction and imagination.
A high body count is definitely not necessary, but a true Alpha Widow usually has a body count of at least one.
(A high body count may even be negatively correlated with Alpha Widowhood, because it reduces the relative influence of that ONE guy.)
Yes, Alpha Widowhood is ultimately a state of the heart and mind. It's not just about having had that Alpha "marriage," it's about whether she feels (even subconsciously) like a WIDOW instead of like an Alpha Divorcee or Alpha Ex-Girlfriend. Even so, Alpha Widows are made, not born.
I also can't imagine taking any woman I didn't know seriously if she'd tried to ORDER me to do anything. It would be absurd to even contemplate obeying.
I'd probably be more confused than anything: "Who are you and why are you such a (REDACTED)?"
It's a bummer that women despise Deltas. I have a friend who is a great guy. Truck driver. Solid, dependable, awesome handyman and mechanic. He and his wife have helped me out a ton in life. But she became a sexless harridan. She was my friend before he was, but I can't imagine enduring being married to her.
He eventually cheated on her but eventually confessed and he's still with his wife. Funny enough, they seem happier AFTER that than before. Shame she let it come to that.
Dr. Laura said once about women depriving their men: "So do you want him to divorce you, cheat on you or hire hookers?"
Not surprised at all.
From a non-Christian perspective, it is one possible and viable strategy.
Several thing could have come out of that. First, someone else wants him. Unless the other woman was a total ug, the wife would feel threatened and jealous. I observe that women Often require some sort of emotional friction to operate. The fear of loss, the jealousy, the fury at him, and - this one is very key - the quasi -alpha/sigma move of taking care of his own wants ahead of hers.
Women want all the other men to follow the rules; they want theirs to be a rulebreaker.
In the 1st World, women are taught by both nature and nurture to go for the man who gives her the tingles. In the same way both nature and nurture in the 1st World teaches men to go for the easy lay or orgasm (porn, masturbation, etc.). Healthy societies taught their children the opposite and thus had happier and healthier, if less exciting, marriages.
"Live your life how you want, but don't mistake drama for happiness."---Ron Swanson
Do Alpha Widows hide their longing for the Alpha when looking to settle down? If yes what can Deltas do to quickly screen for an Alpha Widow so that they don’t sign-up for one in the long-run?
Deltas are screwed should this happen to them.
The alpha widow is probably one of the best looking women who’ve dated the delta, so he won’t have a natural defense.
The delta has to become a bravo in his non-work life, to date more attractive women, to gain the necessary experience.
Of course they hide the longing. What guy would wife up a woman actively pining for another man? He'd have to be a serious simp.
Watch for love-bombing from a woman who's too attractive for it to otherwise make any sense.
Vox wrote, "The situation with the Sigma son-in-law is a different and unrelated matter. The mother is obviously a bit of a control freak, and her total inability to control her son-in-law, and the way he interferes with her ability to influence her daughter, enrages her."
Yes. I had a friend once who boldly stated after meeting my husband that she was intimidated by men she couldn't control. Most of that sort of women are a little more subtle about their reaction, but they are often like smaller birds when bigger birds of prey are near - by going on the attack and shrieking when they can get away with it, or by hiding and cowering when they can't.
The Alpha Widow arises from the "Stuck on the Highest Setting" phenomenon. Hoe_Math explains it well: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CMWCrI9ZugM
Someone here introduced me to Hoe_Math. Great stuff!
Women don't like men being concerned with number of sexual partners, but quite obviously if a woman has a bodycount of zero, the risk of marrying an Alpha widow is also zero.
Oh, how I wish this was true. I knew a couple church girls - total virgins until college at least.
The biggest alpha-chasers I knew.
Maybe. Maybe not. She might have lost her heart to him at some point, and dated for a while, but when she wouldn't put out, or something better came along, he ditched her. There's a sex-ed kit that essentially reminds girls to "guard their hearts" when they're too young to make a real commitment, or understand the kind of man they should be with.
I wonder if *Persuasian* could be considered an Alpha Widow fantasy, since the heroine does, eventually end up with the naval officer she's pined for.
what is it with chicks liking guitar players. Back in the day when I would stay at hostels some for all intents and purposes loser would usually pull a decent chick by being shit at the guitar.
Learn to strum.
What part of "focus on the What, not the Why" is hard to grasp? It doesn't matter why. It's not up to you and you're not going to change it.
yep totally get it. my inner engineer is just coming out.
It's a simple and visible way of demonstrating mastery of a skill, or your willingness to work toward mastery. And, in public. Takes some guts to perform in public. It also ties to those guitarists who made it and have fame and money. Carry a sketch pad, pull it out, and do a portrait. You will get a little of that attention in the right venue.
Absolutely.
Also, (1) music can effectively tap into emotions. (2) Women operate predominately in the emotional realm. (3) A minimum competency performance of a song allows the woman to attach her emotions to the performer--regardless of whether the performer actually shares those emotions.
It's similar to the "everyman" trope in narratives and is most effective on women who feel emotionally isolated and are craving connection and stability. Temporary solace, long-term damage.
Well luckily I was good at languages and was conversational in a number of European ones so I didn't need the guitar, I just blabbed away in German or Swedish or Norwegian etc. But I just never got the apeal of the crappy guitarist. Fully get it if the dude plays a sick tune but my ears can only hear wonderwall so many times in one night
Speaking other languages doesn't come across as high-status in the way being a musician does. In fact, it actually comes across as low-status. A high-status man uses his own language and expects others to bend to him. (Within reason, of course.)
> But I just never got the apeal of the crappy guitarist.
Crappy to you is clearly not crappy to her. A musically trained woman might have your same reaction to sub-par playing - but if she's tone-deaf ... she just sees a guy confidently playing in public.
Maybe if she saw you break his guitar over his head she would change her mind on the attractiveness.
Describing 10th century Baghdad by John Glubb: "The historians commented bitterly on the extraordinary influence acquired by popular singers over young people, resulting in a decline in sexual morality. The ‘pop’ singers of Baghdad accompanied their erotic songs on the lute, an instrument resembling the modern guitar"
It works, that's all you need to know for game, and it's worked for over a thousand years so it's not an incidental thing.
> It’s a tremendous pity that women don’t appreciate Deltas more, since Deltas are the literal bedrock of all human civilization, but they simply don’t
If their pastors told them to they would at least pretend to, which is why previous societies continued to exist and ours will not.
This is true more or less. If men held deltas in higher esteem so would women.
I would say, more specifically, that if Alphas wanted Deltas to have families then they would. And Alphas will be more amenable to the idea when you take their indoor plumbing away. "Why can't I ever find a good plumber?" Well, you have to breed them twenty years ago, it doesn't just happen by magic.
Alphas don't buikd or run everything and they sometimes ruin things. Look at Bill Gates a delta or Harvey Weinstein, a gamma who nevertheless made some good movies. There is an Alpha Chad in a bar somewhere with massively more sex appeal than Bill gates in his prime. But it would be stupid to make him CEO of Microsoft.
Gates screams gamma to me, not delta.
I base it on his long marriage to a Plain Jane and his love of coding.
Or omega.
He can't be omega. He has a social life.
If your pastor told you to be attracted to fat chicks, would you be? Or the single mothers they're currently pushing?
That's the female version of Gamma. The female version of Delta is a girl in the 4-7 range.
I'd also argue that among the younger generations of men, Gammas are close to outnumbering Deltas now... both sexes are devolving, not just the women.
People continue to say that big is beautiful because it's exhausting to have to argue against it. Women aren't ashamed of being single mothers or of kicking fathers out of the home, because it is seen and heard of often enough.
They are indeed ashamed. That's why they get so upset at the least bit of slight.
Women will follow social trends more than men will.
A recent Alpha Widow I met relishes being put in her place, but had "ego" as serious a deal breaker. Is she just broken from the past, delusional, or is there another explaination?
Frankly she had quite an ego of her own, having not yet realized the wall she has hit at age 45.
"Ego" is likely just another term for "out of my control," which for a lot of women is both exciting and terrifying. Clearly she is one of those.
You can see women visibly inflate in social settings at their man’s status indicating behavior. And Alpha widowhood is pretty common.
Borrowed status makes female variability predictable.