One of the key components of Game is the vital importance of relying upon observation rather than opinion when formulating an approach to the opposite sex. Men, particularly Delta males, tend to be relatively straightforward characters who do their best to provide honest answers when asked questions, even when it goes against their self-interest.
Women don’t do that.
This isn’t to say that one should assume a woman is always lying. That implies a degree of intentionality that usually isn’t present. Women aren’t so much liars as they are intrinsically unreliable narrators. Think of their communicational infelicities as misdirection in the interest of a) conflict avoidance and b) making the woman feel that she is the prettiest and most desirable princess in all the land. As long as you account for those two factors, and as long as you understand that the data being provided is less than perfectly reliable, women can be veritable founts of actionable information that is surprisingly informative.
By way of example, consider the advice recently provided by a woman writing on a men’s sports site concerning how a man should avoid presenting himself on social media, particularly dating apps, in order to prevent women from being repulsed by him.
I asked a Facebook group of 58,000 women to tell me their biggest dating app red flags.
What is one thing on a man’s dating profile that will instantly make you swipe left or un-match?
I got hundreds of responses, but they all boiled down to the same seven answers.
And — perhaps surprisingly — none of them had anything to do with looks, height or holding a fish.
2. Shirtless Photos
This one was my answer, and I’m glad to see I’m not alone. Because this got the second-most mentions out of all the red flags.
A fundamental difference between men and women: If a very hot woman posts a half naked selfie on a dating app, every single man is swiping right. If a very hot man posts a shirtless mirror selfie on a dating app, women are repulsed.
The shirtless mirror selfie (or maybe worse, the pulling-up-my-shirt-to-show-my-abs selfie) is the dead giveaway of douchery. I don’t care if the guy is built like a renaissance statue — I want nothing to do with the level of narcissism he brings to the table.
Now, how can this claimed lack of attraction to tall, handsome, narcissistic men with impeccable abs - Opinion - be balanced against Observation, which is to say the obvious fact that most women, particularly high-tier women, actively pursue Dark Triad men who are in excellent physical condition?
One man even wrote to her to call out what he perceived to be her hypocrisy, which she addressed in a subsequent column.
You wouldn’t do very well as a man, would you? There are so many women who use their bodies for attention. It’s all about getting a constant ego boost and being the center of attention, yeah drama. Can you imagine a man saying, “Ooh I saw a woman’s boobs and vagina, it was disgusting” You wouldn’t believe that for a second. And neither do we believe your, really kind of sick, put downs about men and their bodies that so many women are constantly bleating.
There is a fundamental difference between women and men here: If a very hot woman posts a half naked selfie on a dating app, every single man is swiping right. If a very hot man posts a shirtless mirror selfie on a dating app, women are repulsed.
No, not because we think he’s “disgusting,” as this reader put it. But because we assume things about his personality when we see gratuitous mirror selfies. We assume he’s self-absorbed, and we don’t want to deal with it — especially as we get older.
I’m married. I’m no longer in the dating game. But I can tell you, as a woman in my mid-30s, I would take a sincere man with a beer gut who treats me like a queen over a dude with a six-pack who treats me like a hole any day of the week.
And that’s not to say the two things are mutually exclusive. But I’ll quote OutKick’s Charly Arnolt, who discussed this with me on Thursday: “If a guy needs to show off his abs on a dating app, I assume he brings nothing more to the table.”
That’s all the ladies were saying. And this is where we’re different.
Notice how she adroitly evaded addressing his point by responding only to what he said about how women use their bodies to get attention and ignoring what he said about how what she was saying was not true. And what she was saying obviously and observably isn’t true, but shall we therefore conclude that she was flat-out lying?
Not necessarily.
She’s not only a married woman in her mid-thirties, but on her best day, she was probably a 5. She’s got a likable personality, Outkick markets her as a guy’s girl, and her husband is a tall, decent-looking guy who tends to strike the casual observer as a solid Delta. So while she’s probably cool to hang out with and have around, she has probably never had one iota of attention from the very hot men whose self-absorption she assumes and claims would repulse her.
And, to be fair, she probably is genuinely repulsed by them, what’s more, she very likely hates them on some level, based on her correct assumption that she has nothing more that she can offer such men than serving as a sexual object on a slow night. In fact, she would probably even take a sincere man with a beer gut who treats her like a queen over a dude with a six-pack who treats her like a queen simply because she wouldn’t believe in Mr. Six-Pack’s sincerity or be able to trust in the genuine nature of his expressed attraction to her.
Think about this: how is sincerity and kindness the inverse of being fit and attractive?
It isn’t. But in the mind of the average and sub-average woman it is assumed to be.
Show me a woman who asserts that a man demonstrating his physical fitness is sufficient reason to assume that he “brings nothing more to the table” and I’ll reliably show you a 5 or less. It’s just a female psychological defense akin to the “2/10” meme that mocks the lack of attraction to top-tier women claimed by many Gammas and Omegas.
In summary, female solipsism renders most female advice incorrect and unusable on any topic that touches, however tangentially, on the woman’s self-perception. Listen or don’t listen, but regardless, never take advice from an unreliable source at face value.
Which is why a man must always, without fail, consider the source.
Why are women, particularly higher-tier women attracted to the Dark Triad?
The funny thing to me, and how hard it always is to explain to other men, is how based in emotions this is.
Her reaction is a defense mechanism likely formed by emotional experiences in life from more attractive men that she couldn't have. Either one night stands, or bad experiences in high school, it doesn't matter. All that men need to know is that it's emotions, all the way down, 95% of the time.
It's so hard to fathom you have to remind yourself of it regularly as a man, because she speaks using reason, AFTER having found the answer using emotions. It's so true of every interaction and advice, that you have to reconsider everything you get from them. Often it's so exhausting that it's not worth the time unless you need a very particular piece of advice only they have knowledge of.