The only women I met in life that had this ability were the ones, daughters of very practical and conservative mothers, or raised by her father alone and usually with at least 2 male brothers.
They navigated life like champs, every single guy liked them and was ready to expose himself to bodily harm to defend them. And yet, unless she made clear she was interested, nobody got any ideas just because they were cool.
I think that modern mothers failed their daughters a lot on this.
They sold their daughters on the lie of even the possibility of "Having it All"
Mattel definitely contributed to this by making "Barbie" able to do anything, from beach bunny to lawyer to astronaut.
A more realistic (but less profitable for Mattel) model would have been better served by creating a collection of similar, but not quite interchangeable, dolls. Dolls which could all be played with together, but say, the "lawyer" briefcase can't fit in the hand of the doll which fits into the car that comes with a Ken, a small child doll and a baby doll, nor will the astronaut helmet fit on her head.
It would force the girls to acknowledge the fact that, certain choices preclude other choices, and there is no path, however winding, that allows ALL of the choices.
Noting and developing the idea of hypergamy has probably been among the most useful, predictive and explanatory frameworks to ever come out of the study of "game." Once again, we have another example of how this, and female solipsism, operate in the real world.
As Vox writes:
"Ergo, the best way for a woman to free herself from this dilemma, avoid constantly betraying herself to the world, and to enhance her social standing, is to develop the ability to offer friendly compliments to men in whom she is not interested. Of course, this requires exactly the sort of enlightened self-interest that is beyond most women, so I think it is highly unlikely that it is an approach that will be widely adopted."
Unfortunately, women will not do this and it is not only for a lack of enlightened self-interest. Women are also motivated by the need to avoid hypogamy, the risk of a relationship where a man is beneath the status of the woman. Avoiding hypogamy at all costs is probably the central motivation for a woman's behavior.
Hypogamy is to hypergamy what deflation is to inflation: it is rarely discussed and rarely noticed. Yet, avoiding hypogamy is what makes hypergamy so durable. Women are not risk-takers in relationships and they are not gambling with their fertility windows to maximize their options with alpha males. Women are, instead, risk-averse in relationships and they do not want to take the chance of destroying their children's future by starting relationships of any kind with men that are beneath them. Women may be to zealous and exacting over what they define as "inferior" but they perceive it as their risk to take so they are justified in what they do.
When I was 10 years old, I expressed to my family how impressed I was with Queen Latifa's performance in Barber Shop. My sisters immediately took this to mean I had a crush on her and still try to tease me about it to this day.
I know a married woman who compliments every man she knows, though the compliments always come off genuine. Tbf though she probably feels secure in doing that in part because her husband is a 6’4 veteran.
Yes. If she is confident in her marriage and loves and respects her husband, this will affect the way she interacts with everyone else. On the one hand, she doesn't look at other men as potential sexual partners & can theoretically see them with a certain degree of dispassionate clarity. On the other, being happy in her marriage, there's a greater likelihood that she also generally likes and appreciates men as people.
Its because of multi-racial society. Women refuse to be racist so they end up being bitches to everyone. Women, I give you permission to be bitches just to the nogs.
It's amazing how far compliments and positive language will go, whether you are male or female. Recently I complemented a friend about how he was dressed sharply, which he was. His attitude change towards me was remarkable. If you want to ingratiate yourself with people, sincerely complimenting them in front of others will certainly make them happier when they see you. Everyone loves these kind of people, but there are just very few women who are positive towards others and complement others. If you are a woman, and you learn to do this, you will really stand out from the crowd. It's honestly one of the biggest things that made my wife attractive.
Men, this is a brilliant insight into a woman’s thinking. Just like Vox has been saying, if you patiently listen to what other people say over a period of time distinct patterns will eventually emerge. This is especially true for women.
It might be a joke to some about the guy she tells you not to worry about, but the fact that she mentions a man at all is important. Women will reliably talk about things that they like and often to their own detriment because they can’t help themselves. You should pay attention to her stream of consciousness ramblings. The words themselves might be largely meaningless on any given day but an astute man will be able to detect changes in context when something new has entered her world view.
I recently noticed this at my job. I work with many men and women alike, and get along with most of them perfectly well. I recently lost about 70 pounds, and started getting into shape again. Almost every male coworker, and even men I know outside of work, has come up to me with compliments and encouragement. Probably dozens of dudes have noticed and said something. Only two women have noticed, however, and only one of them complimented me on it, the other one simply made the observation that I had lost weight. It's definitely an interesting phenomenon.
Male misinterpretation is only part of the problem women have created for ourselves. If a woman pays attention to a man and other women are privy to it, there will certainly be gossip, rumors, and meddling
My understanding is that strong social networks and marriage mores kept the worst of male misinterpretation at bay. When you know for a fact that a girl is surrounded by brothers and that you'll have to eventually get her father's approval for marriage anyways it lets her compliment freely since mechanisms greater than herself restrict the whole process anyways.
I grew up in Los Angeles in the 80s and the RBF was developed out of self preservation due to getting hit on and leered at by older migrant men starting around age 10. This experience does not prevent me from being friendly and courteous to men though. Admittedly, I don’t recall being complimentary to my male friends so I will take what you wrote into account.
Violates the young female belief of being valuable by dint of existing. It requires a consistent application of discernment and effort with uncertain reward. Older women are often forced reluctantly to be less coldly passive to get by as the fountains of valued attention/validation dwindle.
I never understood the immediate reaction of most women when you bring up another girl to them: “Oh, you like her?” or just giving you a cold look. They’re telling on themselves. She wouldn’t bring up another guy unless she is somewhat intrigued by him, so she projects that mindset on her man!
I've noticed this to a with old men (and women, but mostly men). As soon as you give one the time of day, pretty soon you're their favorite person. Just make eye contact and listen to their stories and wham - they're calling your name whenever they enter the business. I was always the favorite with old people in every job I've had.
Even though I hadn't attended in a month, an older couple from my church came across me at my work to inform me about an event they were holding the following day. Genuinely some of the loveliest people I've ever met.
Before we had kids, most of my socialization was with retirees as they were the only ones who had similar freedom during the day. It's a great way to develop social skills with both men and women, as the chance of being seen as either a sexual competitor or a potential romantic partner are very low.
Yeah, interacting with old men really helped me overcome some shyness hurdles. One in particular was a shameless flirt, and being able to combat his flirty comments with friendly rebuttals was a very fun learning experience.
I’ve found same recently with older women. I had to wait twice for someone and struck up a conversation with some grandma who was having coffee there or just sitting. Made her entire week it seemed just from that little attention. Women receive so much focus their whole lives that many are lonely when they’re old for sure.
For women this can be a side benefit of aging -- you feel more free to compliment men and maybe there's more wisdom there to even notice the good things.
I was dancing with a friend, and she just talked to me about another man and where he could be.
It was so much cold and indifferent to the situation of dancing together to me that I was schocked.
I should have stop dancing and told her to go search him :)
The only women I met in life that had this ability were the ones, daughters of very practical and conservative mothers, or raised by her father alone and usually with at least 2 male brothers.
They navigated life like champs, every single guy liked them and was ready to expose himself to bodily harm to defend them. And yet, unless she made clear she was interested, nobody got any ideas just because they were cool.
I think that modern mothers failed their daughters a lot on this.
They sold their daughters on the lie of even the possibility of "Having it All"
Mattel definitely contributed to this by making "Barbie" able to do anything, from beach bunny to lawyer to astronaut.
A more realistic (but less profitable for Mattel) model would have been better served by creating a collection of similar, but not quite interchangeable, dolls. Dolls which could all be played with together, but say, the "lawyer" briefcase can't fit in the hand of the doll which fits into the car that comes with a Ken, a small child doll and a baby doll, nor will the astronaut helmet fit on her head.
It would force the girls to acknowledge the fact that, certain choices preclude other choices, and there is no path, however winding, that allows ALL of the choices.
Noting and developing the idea of hypergamy has probably been among the most useful, predictive and explanatory frameworks to ever come out of the study of "game." Once again, we have another example of how this, and female solipsism, operate in the real world.
As Vox writes:
"Ergo, the best way for a woman to free herself from this dilemma, avoid constantly betraying herself to the world, and to enhance her social standing, is to develop the ability to offer friendly compliments to men in whom she is not interested. Of course, this requires exactly the sort of enlightened self-interest that is beyond most women, so I think it is highly unlikely that it is an approach that will be widely adopted."
Unfortunately, women will not do this and it is not only for a lack of enlightened self-interest. Women are also motivated by the need to avoid hypogamy, the risk of a relationship where a man is beneath the status of the woman. Avoiding hypogamy at all costs is probably the central motivation for a woman's behavior.
Hypogamy is to hypergamy what deflation is to inflation: it is rarely discussed and rarely noticed. Yet, avoiding hypogamy is what makes hypergamy so durable. Women are not risk-takers in relationships and they are not gambling with their fertility windows to maximize their options with alpha males. Women are, instead, risk-averse in relationships and they do not want to take the chance of destroying their children's future by starting relationships of any kind with men that are beneath them. Women may be to zealous and exacting over what they define as "inferior" but they perceive it as their risk to take so they are justified in what they do.
When I was 10 years old, I expressed to my family how impressed I was with Queen Latifa's performance in Barber Shop. My sisters immediately took this to mean I had a crush on her and still try to tease me about it to this day.
I know a married woman who compliments every man she knows, though the compliments always come off genuine. Tbf though she probably feels secure in doing that in part because her husband is a 6’4 veteran.
Definitely seems like secure feeling has something to do with this.
Yes. If she is confident in her marriage and loves and respects her husband, this will affect the way she interacts with everyone else. On the one hand, she doesn't look at other men as potential sexual partners & can theoretically see them with a certain degree of dispassionate clarity. On the other, being happy in her marriage, there's a greater likelihood that she also generally likes and appreciates men as people.
Its because of multi-racial society. Women refuse to be racist so they end up being bitches to everyone. Women, I give you permission to be bitches just to the nogs.
Bad Poetry is the worst.
It's amazing how far compliments and positive language will go, whether you are male or female. Recently I complemented a friend about how he was dressed sharply, which he was. His attitude change towards me was remarkable. If you want to ingratiate yourself with people, sincerely complimenting them in front of others will certainly make them happier when they see you. Everyone loves these kind of people, but there are just very few women who are positive towards others and complement others. If you are a woman, and you learn to do this, you will really stand out from the crowd. It's honestly one of the biggest things that made my wife attractive.
Men, this is a brilliant insight into a woman’s thinking. Just like Vox has been saying, if you patiently listen to what other people say over a period of time distinct patterns will eventually emerge. This is especially true for women.
It might be a joke to some about the guy she tells you not to worry about, but the fact that she mentions a man at all is important. Women will reliably talk about things that they like and often to their own detriment because they can’t help themselves. You should pay attention to her stream of consciousness ramblings. The words themselves might be largely meaningless on any given day but an astute man will be able to detect changes in context when something new has entered her world view.
I recently noticed this at my job. I work with many men and women alike, and get along with most of them perfectly well. I recently lost about 70 pounds, and started getting into shape again. Almost every male coworker, and even men I know outside of work, has come up to me with compliments and encouragement. Probably dozens of dudes have noticed and said something. Only two women have noticed, however, and only one of them complimented me on it, the other one simply made the observation that I had lost weight. It's definitely an interesting phenomenon.
Male misinterpretation is only part of the problem women have created for ourselves. If a woman pays attention to a man and other women are privy to it, there will certainly be gossip, rumors, and meddling
My understanding is that strong social networks and marriage mores kept the worst of male misinterpretation at bay. When you know for a fact that a girl is surrounded by brothers and that you'll have to eventually get her father's approval for marriage anyways it lets her compliment freely since mechanisms greater than herself restrict the whole process anyways.
I grew up in Los Angeles in the 80s and the RBF was developed out of self preservation due to getting hit on and leered at by older migrant men starting around age 10. This experience does not prevent me from being friendly and courteous to men though. Admittedly, I don’t recall being complimentary to my male friends so I will take what you wrote into account.
Violates the young female belief of being valuable by dint of existing. It requires a consistent application of discernment and effort with uncertain reward. Older women are often forced reluctantly to be less coldly passive to get by as the fountains of valued attention/validation dwindle.
I never understood the immediate reaction of most women when you bring up another girl to them: “Oh, you like her?” or just giving you a cold look. They’re telling on themselves. She wouldn’t bring up another guy unless she is somewhat intrigued by him, so she projects that mindset on her man!
I've noticed this to a with old men (and women, but mostly men). As soon as you give one the time of day, pretty soon you're their favorite person. Just make eye contact and listen to their stories and wham - they're calling your name whenever they enter the business. I was always the favorite with old people in every job I've had.
Even though I hadn't attended in a month, an older couple from my church came across me at my work to inform me about an event they were holding the following day. Genuinely some of the loveliest people I've ever met.
Before we had kids, most of my socialization was with retirees as they were the only ones who had similar freedom during the day. It's a great way to develop social skills with both men and women, as the chance of being seen as either a sexual competitor or a potential romantic partner are very low.
Yeah, interacting with old men really helped me overcome some shyness hurdles. One in particular was a shameless flirt, and being able to combat his flirty comments with friendly rebuttals was a very fun learning experience.
I’ve found same recently with older women. I had to wait twice for someone and struck up a conversation with some grandma who was having coffee there or just sitting. Made her entire week it seemed just from that little attention. Women receive so much focus their whole lives that many are lonely when they’re old for sure.
For women this can be a side benefit of aging -- you feel more free to compliment men and maybe there's more wisdom there to even notice the good things.
Completely agree. I've definitely become kinder and more complimentary as I've gotten older.
Because you have no choice if you want to maintain your standard of living and comfort.
We all slowly become invisible as we age.
Ignoring women improves their behaviour. Sad but true.