A Deeper Dive

Insight into the Gamma perspective

This recent exchange between a paid subscriber and the Original Sigma was not available to the regular subscribers, but it is extremely informative with regards to the Gamma perspective thanks to the brutal honesty of the Gamma father who wanted to know what he could have done to cause himself to appear creepy to the teenage sons of his friend. In doing so, he inadvertently revealed how the Gamma’s immature psychology combined with his self-focus tends to create social blind spots that are relatively obvious to other men of higher SSH ranks.

The short dialogue was inspired by the discussion of the Gamma’s inclination towards relentless negativity and its effect on those around him.

GAMMA: The negativity is both a cause and an effect. You can be positive all you want but deep down people just still know that you are an untrustworthy person to be around and they don't have any confidence in you. It takes a toll on your psyche. We are constantly losing all the time whether it's in sports or in Social relations. I just found out that my son's friends all think that I'm creepy. I've hardly had any interaction with them whatsoever. Never been negative around them. But they know. This is where the stoicism comes in to just try to help you at least on a mental level that you're a social loser and to accept it. I can't control what other people think about me . And I don't blame my son's friends no doubt I deserve the creepy label even if I don't understand why. They picked up on something and they know the truth. Maybe an overly positive attitude around them instead of my cautiousness and indifference could have had hide the truth for a little while longer. I don't know. At some point banging your head against the wall and expecting it not to hurt becomes a pointless endeavor. That doesn't justify being negative by any means especially since it's not doing me any good whatsoever. It's a learned behavior from constantly losing and lack of empathy cuz you can't understand how anyone else can be positive and how they're winning all the time

SIGMA: Have you ever considered attempting to learn what behaviors people consider to be creepy and then trying to avoid them? In general, I've found that completely ignoring younger people except when social engagement is necessary is not regarded as creepy. Are you expressing too much interest in them? Trying to be one of them?

GAMMA: I tried playing football and basketball with them. I had to invite myself. boys are 13. I never touch them. I asked simple questions in topics I think that interest them. One kids a packers fan and ex plant from Wisconsin. Asked him about Wisconsin dells. Another kid an artist and I complemented him on some of the details of his work I thought was nice that his mom showed me. Another kid played football and asked him about his position on the team. I got gamma mad about it and confronted my son. Not good for me. My son refuses to tell me what I did to be called a creep. He Tells me its his friends privacy that he wants to protect them. I assume that a had some sort gamma tell plus I am 48 year old male trying to have fun with 13 year old boys. I should have known better. I apologized to my son for my reaction. Told him I will stay away from his friends. I wanted to be the cool dad that can still play in older age. I am gamma but I have always been an okay athlete and played all the sports. I am not Doof from the comic. I didnt accept my station..I invited myself to there games and I wasn't wanted. Its hard on me emotionally every time I have a gamma delusion and it bursts.

I am slow to process the big picture. You dont realize your in a delusional bubble and then its all comes crashing down. With all the gamma dramatization that comes with it. Yes I am weak. I only truly understand the big picture until the details are figured out.

I appreciate the advice on being positive. I will do it. It can't hurt. I need to be careful in overacting to expectations

SIGMA: There is your problem. You invited yourself to play with them. You crossed the parent/kids boundary, and even worse, you did it of your own volition. Then you started trying to talk to them. I mean, it's not as bad as inviting yourself on your daughter's sleepover with her friends, but it's in that direction. This is not a mystery, your behavior was definitely creepy from a childish perspective and no amount of explaining your intentions will correct that.

Leave the kids games to the kids. Accept any invitations to join them reluctantly and don't accept all of them. The fundamental problem is that you're still psychologically their age and trying to be accepted by the cool kids; if you were a female school teacher you'd probably get yourself arrested for having sex with a student. Be your son's father, not his friend. And apologize to him for getting angry over nothing, but don't make any grand pronouncements about your intensions going forward. Remember, Gammas always oversteer when they're course-correcting.

First, let me point out that I always appreciate it when readers here, male or female, express their true feelings and perspectives, since that sort of sacrificial, self-disregarding honesty provides a clarity that permits deeper analysis and more relevant conclusions. It’s not easy to admit when one has been hurt, particularly when that emotional pain is the direct result of one’s own words and actions. It’s so much more useful than “I’m just thankful that I’m so lucky that everything is so perfect for me” nonsense toward which most commenters on most sites are inclined.

Second, it’s abundantly clear that a fair amount of the average Gamma’s emotional pain is self-inflicted by his refusal, or inability, to respect the bounds of what is socially appropriate in a given moment. There would have been nothing wrong with a father playing basketball with his teenage son and the latter’s friends if the boys had invited him to do so. But inviting oneself to participate in a group event when one does not belong to the group is intrinsically weird and inappropriate.

Third, being a 48-year-old man and still being able to compete with 13-year-old boys does not mean that “one can still play”. That perspective is more than a little bizarre. Now, people find it remarkable that I “can still play” soccer in my late 50s because I’m able to compete effectively with other men in their athletic prime; which is to say men in their late 20s and early 30s. Three years ago, I was the oldest man to play in an adult first team game in the entire country when they had a few injuries and borrowed a few of us from the veteran’s team; the referee was so startled to see a birth date in the 1960s on the roster that he laughed out loud and later apologized for doing so. That’s what “still being able to play” means, not keeping up with junior high boys.

I still remember when a father of one of the scuola calcio boys, which means boys from 6-8, started playing too seriously in a parent-child game of the team I was coaching, a game chiefly memorable to me for seeing my wife scoring a goal on my son, which, of course, she has never let him forget. It was massively embarrassing for everyone to see the man running hard and shouting as if it was a real competitive game and all the parents playing were careful to avoid passing him the ball lest he hurt one of the kids. Afterwards, we were all wondering what in the world was wrong with the guy.

I don’t know if most Gammas have a problem accepting and acting their age, but based on this example, it may be that they do. It would be useful to hear from other Gammas in this regard, since it could also just be a relatively rare thing more akin to the female schoolteacher problem.

In any event, everyone should understand that there is a fundamental difference between accepting an invitation and forcing oneself on a group without an invitation. And if you insist on doing the latter, for whatever reason, you should not be surprised if you are met with some form of social rejection.

Even from your kids… no, especially from your kids. They need you to be their father, not their friend.