In the comments to a recent post, an obvious Delta absolutely refused to believe that vulgarity could ever be anything but a turn-off to women, and behavior to which no Sigma (i.e. high-SSH man) would ever stoop.
I didn’t dare tell Spacebunny about this for fear she might injure herself laughing.
DELTA: Do you guys really think it's in a Sigmas nature to make vulgar advances like that? I'm not pretending to be one myself here, but to me that sounds more like a porn inspired fantasy than genuinely hight status behavior. I think high-status men can get away with such behaviour to a certain extent, but framing it as "it works" - as if it's that line that makes the woman want him - doesn't sound right to me.
SIGMA: Yes. Absolutely. Although the women are more likely to lead with that sort of thing on their approach to him.
DELTA: I agree with being direct, but being direct and being vulgar are not the same thing.
SIGMA: Vulgarity is a subset of being direct. It turns off some women. It turns on others.
DELTA: But when and where to be vulgar is a question of social skills. It's not a personal choice to swear during a job interview, it's just a display of poor social skills. I didn't say never swearing makes you a sigma. I'm saying a Sigma would have the social skills to know better than to say "wanna fuck?" to a woman he is trying to seduce.
SIGMA: You're literally retarded on this subject. Women will literally say exactly that to Alphas and Sigmas. And the more adept the man, the more likely he will utilize that sort of thing in the right time and place with the right woman.
DELTA: I don't understand why you would want to be this vulgar, or want the kind of woman that would respond well to it.
SIGMA: (shakes head and gives up)
A woman even tried, very kindly and gently, to correct the Delta’s misapprehensions, but to no avail.
WOMAN: In the right context, the use of vulgarity can signal a couple of things:
1) This is someone who isn't going to be pushed around by his woman, and probably not by anyone else, either. He isn't afraid to be a little coarse in the right context (the card game was essentially an exercise in hurling insults and vulgarity, so the context was correct), and if he laughs off her speech-policing shit test afterward so much the better.
2) A man who drops an F bomb to express his desires is probably not going to use hover hands or be timid around his girl, and odds are pretty good if he's looking for a longer-term relationship, he isn't looking for a mommy figure, either.
What it really does, again in the right context (if a Doof says it, she's going to run screaming the other direction), is bypass some of the social barriers a woman has in place and goes directly to that part of her brain that is tapped into in the Beauty & the Beast archetype built into most women's mental chemistry.
Maybe not every girl wants to have a beast eating out of her palm, but an awful lot of them do, and if he shows just a touch of the beast, he'll have her attention more emphatically with a well-placed vulgarity than a polite expression of interest, even if the underlying meaning/ desire is the same.
DELTA: I really have a hard time believing profanity will influence womens opinion of a man on those questions. But, I could be wrong. It certainly strikes me as impersonal, unromantic, ungracious and a little perverted.
WOMAN: On further thought, you personally should never try this method of approach. Clearly, you are deeply uncomfortable with vulgarity either in general or in the presence of a woman. Speaking in this way would just make you look awkward and will probably fail. Further, if you try it and it works, chances are you'll be so appalled that it worked on her that her pedestal will be permanently shattered in your eyes and you won't want her after that anyway.
One simply has to pity those poor women who will never know what it is like to be ravished, to be ravaged, to be free to unleash her inner slut in unrestrained and hedonistic abandonment, because her Delta so admires, and respects, and loves, and appreciates his ever-so-saintly better half.
It’s only through seeing the full extent to which Delta’s idealize and pedestalize women that one can understand why so many women just aren’t very attracted to such observably good and decent men.
Never forget, men: Eve, not Adam, ate the apple. Eve succumbed to the serpent. Women are more susceptible to temptation than men, not less.
My own experience is that most women's bar for vulgarity is lower than that of most men, and that women are more likely to be vulgar in action than in word.
I agree with what this woman had to say. I'd like to add my own personal examples, I think it will help illustrate the appeal this type of behavior has for women beyond casual or committed sexual dynamics. I'll take this as one more feather in my investigative cap that my husband may very well be a Sigma because this generally fits the bill for him. I'm also more vulgar than most women so we're a good fit.
Where my husband deviates from this description is he cracks sexually vulgar jokes or even insults towards women -without- the intent to sleep with them. He is most vulgar and crude around his fellow tradesmen, par for the course in that context. We both independently choose to wait for marriage, so that outcome was not relevant to him.
An example of this is a story of him hanging out with a group of men and women, a fairly new guy to the group brought his wife. He started testing the husbands boundaries, escalating to jokes about the wife being a whore to her face in front of her husband. He encountered no resistance. My husband backed off after it was clear the man had no intention to stand up for his wife, which was what my husband was trying to establish. He felt bad for the wife, not for what he said to her, but for what her husband tolerated him saying to her.
The difference in a woman's perspective can be summarized like this. If I had been with him at the time, she may have looked at me and thought, "How can she be with a man who treats people this way?" While I would look at her and think, "How can she be with a man who allows people to treat her this way?" I can shoot shit and talk smack just fine, we have fun with our friends, but there are lines that no one crosses knowing my husband will set boundaries if they test them.
Additionally he hates "pea cocking" from men trying to puff out their chest and impress women. His plan of action when he sees it is literally, "I will dominate you and make you hold my pocket." It is quite halarious to watch him verbally beat a gamma into submission or put a Delta back in his element, they do better in social dynamics when they stop being fake.
He does dial back around women and obviously children, and I can ask him with certain women in my life to keep it down. He will, but only so much. A reality that I have to accept and we've had hard conversations about it. I cannot dictate that he modify his behavior at all. I always knew that.
I %100 agree that for me, his vulgarity came across as "This man is no cuck and he will not be pushed around or controlled. Not by me or anyone else." There is a big appeal in that for me. And I was spot on in life changing ways. He's a man who held his ground on the covid nonsense so aggressively a Gamma freak on a power trip at his union school illegally fired him in a letter where he quoted my husband as calling his crap "Retarded". The union wrote a letter explicitly stating that this termination was illegal and offered his job back. Which he declined at the time. What a badass.
For the women and other ranks who can't wrap their minds around the nuance of why this would be so appealing, maybe these additional examples will help. The personality type that's sexually vulgar and forward towards women and that cracks gay, racist, and vulgar jokes around a campfire at men and women alike, everyone having a blast with it, is the same personality type likely to draw hard lines and take confrontation in stride. My husband had to set boundaries with my parents that resulted in them spiraling because they got called out. I married a man who will not tolerate me being abused, those terms an conditions were unacceptable to my parents. We've been no-contact for over a year now, and life is good. There is more to this type of personality than just being vulgar, and it's the other applications in life that are so attractive to women.