As part of my increasingly failed plan to not post here on the weekends, now that we’ve got Saturday sorted, I figured it wouldn’t do any harm to post some theme-related missives from the highly intelligent, well-regarded, and indubitably attractive commentariat on Sundays for the philosophical benefit of collective contemplation.
This week’s theme: the Gamma Male
First, a few shared observations on observable Gamma behavior.
I had a gamma volcano during a D&D game(go figure right). He had latched onto me as a friend and I had been trying to work with him to get him out of his gamma mindset, but I could tell it wasn't taking. He got into a tiff with the DM and was asked to sit out a few sessions. He tried to poison me and the group against the DM privately. When that didn't work, he barged into a session, asking questions and being disruptive. I stepped in and shut him down. It was at that point the DM asked him to leave the game permanently. He cried to me and asked me to leave the game. I told him no, I wasn't his bitch. He had another blow up after that and sent me a couple walls of texts. I told him I wasn't reading that, and said that if he ever wanted to change his attitude and contact me as friends he should reach out. He never did.
Gammas’ inability to move on and let things go is definitely one of their worst qualities. Just let things go and move on. Not everything’s personal. It comes across like obsessive concern about what others think about them, but I think it’s more a burning desire to have the last word. “Secret king wins again” is the perfect phrase to describe this phenomenon.
Reading the comments, it's amazing to see the contrast of how people regard gammas versus how they regard deltas. On the Delta thread, except for the occasional dig from a gamma most of the comments are very positive. But here on a gamma thread, almost all the comments are negative, the gamma is universally disliked, and no one is fooled by their BS. If the gamma was just capable of some honest self reflection and shutting his mouth once and a while, he could avoid so many problems. But it seems they're too proud and this makes them incapable of doing it.
I know some people who probably have gamma tendencies, however their self-mastery keeps it from showing. We may have many more quiet gammas who are far more crafty and only strike on occasion. The visible gammas appear to be the ones with no self-control. I've seen a few of these rage spirals in person. What blows my mind is the person is so caught up in the moment that they can't even see the self-destruction they are committing. Without getting too theological about it, there could be (for some) elements of spiritual pressure, bordering on the demonic. It's similar to a tantrum of physical self-harm like cutting, merely less severe in appearance. I think at much of the gamma core is a sense of entitlement, sometimes masquerading as a "desire for justice". In the cases I witnessed, there was also a deep sense of being wronged by everyone. One guy I knew was ALMOST paranoid-level convinced that everyone in the whole world was - upon meeting him - seeking to find some way to insult him or control him. He was raised by a toxic domineering mother. He could not accept that 99% of people are just getting through their day, and the carefully noticed insults were nothing more than him reading into everything. I tried to shake him loose of it. It only got worse.
And now, a rare comment from a self-identified Gamma sharing his observations of his own behavioral pattern.
Gammas, such as myself, tend to be obsessed with rules. Social interactions are hard for Gammas, as they themselves are socially non-intuitive/awkward; Gammas also have a wildly skewed sense of what is appropriate as a result. Therefore, they cling to rules to guide them, almost to autistic level. Then, when someone violates a perceived rule, they explode, because (1) they overvalue the rule rather than what the rule is there for; (2) they have little ability to understand another's point of view, thinking their own butthurt is most important; and (3) they think they can use a rule violation to socially elevate themselves and denigrate others, just as they use rules in other areas to do so. Honestly, it isn't performanative. The Gamma truly is wildly upset at this slight, whether real or perceived. And doubly so when no one else agrees with him that the person who did it should be castigated.
In light of those two sets of comments, consider now the following pair of comments from the same individual. If you’ve been reading this site from the start, it should be absolutely and entirely obvious what behavioral pattern is being exhibited here. In the comments, see how many tells you can identify and note the moment you were 100 percent sure of your reactive diagnosis:
I did pick up on a reminder from Vox recently about the importance of being brutally honest with oneself. I've done it before (but many, MANY years ago), and I'll do it again. And again. And again. There's being "honest with oneself," which I have probably done a better than average job of doing over the years (like that's really saying anything--"average" isn't very impressive). Then there's being BRUTALLY honest with oneself. My dad was a big reality evader in some crucial ways, (and I'm his only male offspring) so I have my work cut out for me but at least I can use his behavior and history as a type of "reflection pool" for seeing where I'm unconsciously mimicking and adopting some if not all of his bad traits. I'm guessing I need to see it like an addict in recovery does, which is monitoring the condition daily, sort of like how a leper uses a VSE (visual surveillance of extremities) to check for bodily injury that otherwise go undetected. And yes, learned that term from reading Lord Foul's Bane. ;)
Now that I think about it, I think my laughter might be of the nervous variety--the type rooted not so much in finding something legitimately humorous, but more rooted in my unconscious telling me that well, perhaps it hits too close to home, then in kicks the baffling, irrational "coping mechanism" or whatever of said laughter. And the "eye-opening" part is me realizing that welp, I probably have a lot of gamma traits. Hell, I may even BE one. Wouldn't surprise me. SHH is very new to me as is this blog, but the more I read the comments the more I'm like, "Shit, I see myself there . . . and there . . . and there . . . and, okay, that's more my dad than me, but then there's the whole apples don't fall far from the tree thing, so . . ." I can retroactively see the gamma traits and behaviors too and while that's no walk in the park, I do take solace in knowing that several years ago I began waking up and realizing how messed up I still was after literally decades of doing the whole "bullshit forgiveness" thing with my immediate family that Stefan Molyneux talks about, only to finally have an epiphany where I realize I'm still harboring a lot of suppressed anger and rage. Decades ago I looked at my siblings making their entire identity in early adulthood about how much they blamed our parents for their miserable lives and, because I was a recent convert to Christianity (the only one in my family) I used magical thinking and shallow self-righteousness as a "reaction" to my siblings' attitude and smugly thought, "That's stupid. I choose to forgive and forget." No, Dr. Phil, that' NOT workin' out for me. Translation: I have a lot of learning and work to do. Glad I could get that off my not so anonymous chest. [UPDATE written before posting--No, I am DEFINITELY a gamma. I will remain convinced of that till advised or informed otherwise.]
Anyone disagree with that self-assessment? Or do you feel the need to correct the gentleman concerned?
UPDATE: Speaking of Gammas, I just had a recent email exchange that none of you will believe. Let’s just say that “secret king” doesn’t even begin to describe it. I’ll post about it later this week.
It's so helpful to communicate with men in writing when trying to identify a Gamma. ;) (Who TF that's not a woman uses winky face emoji's besides a gamma?) Oh and the parenthesis too...[like inner thoughts to their written dialogue.] Alright I'll stop poking fun. It becomes obvious in writing as they tweak things to try and come across a certain way. Unfortunately that certain way is very teenage girl on Tumblr in the 2010's. They usually don't talk out loud the way they write, so it speaks to a dishonesty and neuroticism with how they want to come across in writing, where they can't so easily deny what they said. Really glad for some of these men that they are aware or becoming aware of what's going on.
Honestly, the more I read from the posts, the more convinced I am that the gamma male exhibits behaviors that are indistinguishable from a covert narcissist. These traits are potentially attractive in a woman as it can trigger a protection reaction from certain males, but in a male, those traits would seem to only create a deep loathing for the weakness on display.