You're Not Helping

Verbal incontinence is a low-status trait

Imagine that you’ve just successfully accomplished a serious, labor-intensive task. You’ve exceeded your own expectations. You’ve far exceeded anyone else’s expectations. You’ve done something worthwhile, and people are generally respectful and recognize your accomplishment.

And then, the inevitable “help” arrives.

“Here’s a thought. You should do this other thing too!”

Now, I understand the parable of the talents. I understand that to whom much is given, much is expected. I a gamer; I understand the reward for successfully completing level one is being permitted to proceed on to level two.

But do these lazy, low-status do-nothings simply not have any idea how infuriating, how contemptible, and how much it makes people want to literally kick them in the head that sort of thing is?

This is another thing the movies get completely wrong. In the movies, the publication of any book is immediate bestseller status, a book tour, and signing copies of your book for long lines of adoring fans.

In real life, even the publication of a genuinely groundbreaking book is mostly greeted by a) snide dismissals from cretins who have neither read it nor understood it, b) genuine well-wishes from the largely indifferent, and c) helpful comments from people who have neither read it nor understood it.

That’s fine. I don’t write for public praise and I don’t require it. I know when I’ve done something mediocre, I know when I’ve done something good, and I know when I’ve done something that should cause people to put up busts to me in libraries and universities. The critics will always be there. The indifferent will always be indifferent. That’s as it should be.

But for the love of all that is good, for the love of all that is holy, and for the love of all that is sane, STOP FUCKING HELPING!

I don’t want to hear it. Literally no one who actually does anything has any interest whatsoever in hearing from those who don’t do anything.

Trust me on this.

If you have an idea, then do the work yourself. If you have an actual critique or a genuine suggestion for improvement, then write it out. But do not, under any circumstances, simply blurt out the first tangential idea that happens to cross your mind.

That’s not helping. That’s just incredibly annoying. And it’s another form of the verbal incontinence that is a reliable indicator of low male status.