By properly dominant, physical active, works outside can fix nearly anything, hunts, & fishes. Women bring to the table child bearing &rearing cooking, gathering and whatever that equates to in today lameass modern times. Car pooling, lunches PTA meetings the like. Either way I’m tired of doing it on my own constantly, and so are most worthwhile females.
Chiming in; been called everything from a feminist to very pretty. Holding down the fort single mom at least the past 3 years and likely most of my womanhood thru a failed marriage. My chosen profession in a male dominated industry of extreme isolation, I conclude (can’t believe I’m admitting this) women/I need a male to lead. Masculinity is not toxic, it’s intoxicating. If he’s properly dominant
You ever notice that when a Delta says "Happy wife, happy life" that we wife never says "Wait a minute, now, I'm a mature adult, I can handle disappointment, I'm not some psycho that takes my anger out on anyone around me." No, they always smirk and say "Damn right!" like it's cute.
Any man that's even dated a woman realizes that they don't even know what they want for dinner. As a man, I could not care less, I pick because I know she won't.
Leadership is your job. Consistency; honesty; boundaries; time priorities; clear expectations for everyone.
I'd also add that tyranny is not leadership anymore than "yesdearism" is leadership.
Worst advice I ever received, and it came from multiple sources, and always in a joking-not-joking manner was the 'Yes, dear'. Just before and after my marriage, some theoretically helpful older guy would always tell me the two secret words to marital bliss: 'Yes, dear.'
The problem for me was, I had seen my own father and an uncle get ground into marital depression by those very 'magic words.'
If it worked it would be self evident, and no one would need to constantly say it. They are saying it to convince themselves. I was also educated to follow that way, but i've discovered a better motto : "my way, or the highway."
Happy wife, happy life’ is an ultimatum. Happiness is a proximate goal, not an ultimate one. The delta's who subscribe to this philosophy often find themselves in an endless and soul-draining race of self-deprecation.
I heard a story about a guy who was out with old friends who were in town for a special occasion. His girlfriend was mad because he wanted to continue on to the next bar instead of going home. His response was:
"I feed you, I take care of you, I spend time with you, and I fuck you right. You go home, I'm going to the bar."
She apologized and went home, he went to the bar. Relationship carried on.
Reframing this after years is going to be challenging especially when there are a lot of things you really don't care about and are happy to let her do (I can't see, I don't care what color the blinds are.) But all of these comments are accurate and helpful reminders. Tons of good threads here lately.
Anytime someone says, “Happy wife, happy life,” I physically tense up because of how much I despise that term. My own father (who, I believe, graduated from Gamma to Delta sometime before I was born) uses that term periodically and it drives me insane. He allows my stepmother to throw wrenches into his plans because he doesn’t want to disturb the peace by arguing with her. Observing that whenever it happens is seriously irritating to me… I always think to myself, “Dammit, Dad, stop taking all that 💩!”
I certainly empathize with the frustration of a delta/gamma father caving to his wife. There are many times when my mother's feelings should not have been given the weight they were and this will wreak havoc on a family. Not to say that my father was weak altogether just too accommodating to the mercurial emotions of my mother.
In short, my mom and dad dated for 6 years and only got married because, “Well, we’ve been dating for so long, we might as well.” They were never really “in love” you could say. They then made career choices that resulted in them rarely spending time with each other, so when the inevitable turbulence of a young marriage arose they had nothing positive to fall back on. They said some things that couldn’t be taken back, and my mother left with me when I was an infant.
My stepmother is a few years younger than my dad. She is, however, very pretty (even pushing 50) and received lots of male attention when she was young. My dad was a skinny guy when he was young, not inexperienced with women, but never got the hottest girls. She and my dad both are strong willed, and they butt heads frequently. My dad has told me that early in their marriage, when he and my stepmother were having a pretty bad fight, he contemplated divorcing her because of how badly she was contesting his authority. But, “I wasn’t about to let it [divorce] happen a second time.” So now he puts up with (most) of her BS when it arises.
It would be interesting to talk to polygamous men. See their status in the SSH. Somehow they manage multiple wives. My dad makes fun of them probably because he cannot hold on to a singular wife.
This concept is interesting juxtaposed against the "Everything is your fault. Nothing you do is about you" mantra of the prison reform author or the churchian servant-leadership ethic. The Alpha-like leadership style in which the Alpha leads as well as taking care of his followers that these are modeled off of is so easily maladapted to self-sacrifice beyond the reasonable. No Alpha is giving up his golf or fishing hobby because a woman dislikes it. The prison mantra is useful and appropriate practice of it will also highlight bs from others like a spotlight, including the emotional tantrums of a woman. The servant-leader ethic is directly lifted from a real Alpha's leadership style but misunderstood and misapplied by low-status men.
By properly dominant, physical active, works outside can fix nearly anything, hunts, & fishes. Women bring to the table child bearing &rearing cooking, gathering and whatever that equates to in today lameass modern times. Car pooling, lunches PTA meetings the like. Either way I’m tired of doing it on my own constantly, and so are most worthwhile females.
Chiming in; been called everything from a feminist to very pretty. Holding down the fort single mom at least the past 3 years and likely most of my womanhood thru a failed marriage. My chosen profession in a male dominated industry of extreme isolation, I conclude (can’t believe I’m admitting this) women/I need a male to lead. Masculinity is not toxic, it’s intoxicating. If he’s properly dominant
You ever notice that when a Delta says "Happy wife, happy life" that we wife never says "Wait a minute, now, I'm a mature adult, I can handle disappointment, I'm not some psycho that takes my anger out on anyone around me." No, they always smirk and say "Damn right!" like it's cute.
“Happy wife, happy life” = “I didn’t want the vaxx and I know it’s fake and gay but my wife made the appointment for me.”
Any man that's even dated a woman realizes that they don't even know what they want for dinner. As a man, I could not care less, I pick because I know she won't.
Leadership is your job. Consistency; honesty; boundaries; time priorities; clear expectations for everyone.
I'd also add that tyranny is not leadership anymore than "yesdearism" is leadership.
It’s like when you tell your children “no”, they come right back to you and give you a hug.
Saying no is easy.
Doing no is hard.
This is pure gold
One look at soap operas should quickly disabuse you of "happy wife, happy life".
Right, because soap operas are so true to life!
I think you are missing the point. Entertainment is a reflection of the consumer, to a degree.
Modern entertainment is specifically tailored to corrupt the culture, rather than reflect it.
I should have been clearer, the part you are referring to was supposed to be covered by "to a degree."
Worst advice I ever received, and it came from multiple sources, and always in a joking-not-joking manner was the 'Yes, dear'. Just before and after my marriage, some theoretically helpful older guy would always tell me the two secret words to marital bliss: 'Yes, dear.'
The problem for me was, I had seen my own father and an uncle get ground into marital depression by those very 'magic words.'
If it worked it would be self evident, and no one would need to constantly say it. They are saying it to convince themselves. I was also educated to follow that way, but i've discovered a better motto : "my way, or the highway."
"We are not doing that." A common phrase that I uttered during years 1-3 of my marriage. Less common now during years 3-15.
Happy wife, happy life’ is an ultimatum. Happiness is a proximate goal, not an ultimate one. The delta's who subscribe to this philosophy often find themselves in an endless and soul-draining race of self-deprecation.
And their wives aren't even happy.
I heard a story about a guy who was out with old friends who were in town for a special occasion. His girlfriend was mad because he wanted to continue on to the next bar instead of going home. His response was:
"I feed you, I take care of you, I spend time with you, and I fuck you right. You go home, I'm going to the bar."
She apologized and went home, he went to the bar. Relationship carried on.
Reframing this after years is going to be challenging especially when there are a lot of things you really don't care about and are happy to let her do (I can't see, I don't care what color the blinds are.) But all of these comments are accurate and helpful reminders. Tons of good threads here lately.
Anytime someone says, “Happy wife, happy life,” I physically tense up because of how much I despise that term. My own father (who, I believe, graduated from Gamma to Delta sometime before I was born) uses that term periodically and it drives me insane. He allows my stepmother to throw wrenches into his plans because he doesn’t want to disturb the peace by arguing with her. Observing that whenever it happens is seriously irritating to me… I always think to myself, “Dammit, Dad, stop taking all that 💩!”
I certainly empathize with the frustration of a delta/gamma father caving to his wife. There are many times when my mother's feelings should not have been given the weight they were and this will wreak havoc on a family. Not to say that my father was weak altogether just too accommodating to the mercurial emotions of my mother.
In short, my mom and dad dated for 6 years and only got married because, “Well, we’ve been dating for so long, we might as well.” They were never really “in love” you could say. They then made career choices that resulted in them rarely spending time with each other, so when the inevitable turbulence of a young marriage arose they had nothing positive to fall back on. They said some things that couldn’t be taken back, and my mother left with me when I was an infant.
My stepmother is a few years younger than my dad. She is, however, very pretty (even pushing 50) and received lots of male attention when she was young. My dad was a skinny guy when he was young, not inexperienced with women, but never got the hottest girls. She and my dad both are strong willed, and they butt heads frequently. My dad has told me that early in their marriage, when he and my stepmother were having a pretty bad fight, he contemplated divorcing her because of how badly she was contesting his authority. But, “I wasn’t about to let it [divorce] happen a second time.” So now he puts up with (most) of her BS when it arises.
It would be interesting to talk to polygamous men. See their status in the SSH. Somehow they manage multiple wives. My dad makes fun of them probably because he cannot hold on to a singular wife.
It seems that in most polygamous cultures, the alphas get all the best women and the deltas are left fighting over coyotes.
This concept is interesting juxtaposed against the "Everything is your fault. Nothing you do is about you" mantra of the prison reform author or the churchian servant-leadership ethic. The Alpha-like leadership style in which the Alpha leads as well as taking care of his followers that these are modeled off of is so easily maladapted to self-sacrifice beyond the reasonable. No Alpha is giving up his golf or fishing hobby because a woman dislikes it. The prison mantra is useful and appropriate practice of it will also highlight bs from others like a spotlight, including the emotional tantrums of a woman. The servant-leader ethic is directly lifted from a real Alpha's leadership style but misunderstood and misapplied by low-status men.