I think it depends on the family, and I think you also have to look at the Millennial and Gen Z parents and how they parent. I know my parents would love to spend all their time with their grandchildren. But one sibling is divorced and only has the kids so often so they ask Gramma and Grandpa not to come over often. And another sibling is very particular about how her child is raised and has been known to yell if the grandparents don't 'parent' correctly. My parents basically walk on eggshells around all their grandkids, and it impacts how often they see them. It doesn't help that we all live apart from each other - I'm the only one who stayed in our hometown and I don't have kids. And travelling is rough on older people.
Obviously it's not all Boomer grandparents in situations like this. But every situation has three truths: his truth, her truth, and the real truth.
Perhaps the Boomer generation should be a little closer to family overall, but I also don't think it's appropriate to *expect* constant childcare from family elders which is what I see a lot of going on today. Some people are kid people, and others are not, and that spectrum of attitude spans across generations; to that end, some Boomers want to have their grands almost every day, and others don't mind seeing them grow up in photographs, but to *expect* that people are going to be there on demand when you want them to be is unreasonable.
Even my great-grandmother (Silent Gen) went out and got a job when my grandmother started having kids because she didn't want to be guilted into supervision all the time. The operative word is balance, and her decision was made on her terms. Most people don't mind being around kids, but they also want to partake in non-kid activities as well, and people shouldn't be shamed for deciding that.
What I see more of is people my age and younger who expect constant free childcare whilst they go off gallivanting to, in their eyes, "having more fun than raising kids." Then they get all huffy and cop attitudes because grandma's got bingo night and can't watch the kids, so they gotta cough up money for a vetted babysitter when they want to get away. Again, nobody owes you their time, regardless of relationship. That dynamic is earned, and reciprocated, and people pull away when they feel they're being fleeced.
It's a fair point of family, but...that also makes tension more difficult to deal with when the situation becomes problematic. Too many times these situations erupt because the caregiver relative is coerced into constant free childcare. That's not OK.
It's too easy to constantly dump the kids off on whatever relative seems half willing under the guise of "well you should want to see them!"... And that may be true, but nobody wants to live a life of being a constant on-call babysitter, no matter how willing they say they are. Balance...moderation...just like anything else in life.
I was raised by my grandparents for the beginnings of my life and without their work ethic and wisdom I would not be who I was. Both my parents weren't around much. Boomers now are desperate to cling to the old days, reminiscing about their good times. That's why they keep watching the Grit channel. No admission to just how bad it really is out there. When you point it out they can barely comprehend through the alcohol induced stupor. Its like they just quit at life and are coasting on summer vacation until they die. What I do give them is the mk ultra style brain washing that they received as a whole generation. It's very powerful as long lasting.
Disclaimer: I am a tail-end boomer. You would need to seek the testimony of boomers themselves concerning their relationships with their grandparents, and historical data about the role of grandparents, before making sweeping condemnations on the basis of anecdotal evidence. Instead you simply say, "I got on great with my grandparents and a bunch of people have complained to me about their boomer parents not being good grandparents. Therefore the boomers are the worst in history." Not a serious approach. There is, and always has been, a great deal of variation from family to family, individual to individual. My father's second wife declined to help take care of her grandchildren, causing consternation; it was her choice, and she was born a good generation before the boomers. And call me a cynic, but if you expect post-boomer generations to be models of family values, well, I have my doubts. Societal forces such as changes in the economy and the role of technology without doubt contribute significantly to any purported weakening of traditional family ties, and I see no reason to expect those influences to cease. It's easier to point the finger at an entire generation for their supposed moral turpitude than to figure out just why and how behavior really changes over time.
The boomer generation squandered absolutely every opportunity going down to their great great grandchildren in order to get pensions and give jose a lawn job. Boomers support illegal migrants more than their own progeny. It's clear in the policies made during that time. Not to mention the insane divorce rates, pronography, birth control and abortion. The boomer generation encouraged their children to deconstruct the strong family. Thanks to the jew lies y'all bought.
I'm not do much defending as a) pointing out that the case hasn't really been made, and b) expressing skepticism that our descendants will turn out to be exemplary. Point taken that cause and effect run downhill but that can be extended back indefinitely!
That's crazy that you spent time at the torpedo factory. My grandmother and Aunt/Uncle lived up there and we spent a good deal of time there as well. One of my distant older relatives now passed, Pat Monk, used to do metal sculptures up there.
That name actually sounds familiar. I very well may have met her; I met a lot of the artists who were based there in the late 1980s. And I remember some of them who were doing metalwork.
My in-laws preferred cruise ship trivia to their grand baby who was on board with them. A grand daughter they might only see once a year due to living states away.
I was only close with my mom's dad but several of my friends grandparents were overjoyed to have us over to eat their food. We would do jobs around their houses in return. Build stuff in the shops and use up all the gas riding quads and snowmobiles. Nowadays most boomers just use their money on scammers, vacations and trinkets we will throw in the garbage.
Something is wrong with the way some boomer brains process family relationships. We celebrated Thanksgiving a day early at my boomer Mom's house. One of her toilets had been leaking and she turned the water off for it. My brother and I made the trip to the hardware store and fixed it to her unending apologies for us having to work. We didn't know what she was talking about. I realized she really doesn't understand it's normal for families help one another without hesitation or thought. We would have felt like jack asses if we didn't fix it. It's just weird.
I will add something positive. A couple from Church adopted my kids as the grandkids. Not because they hated their own, but because they were at the Great Grandchild stage and wanted to spread the love. Through many life events, and the death of the husband, they have become family. The blood children demanded that my kids be listed as grandchildren, because their grand kids assumed they were.
My grandparents came up for the homecoming football game my sophomore year, and my grandfather was invited to a TKE party with me that night. (I was friends with the brothers in my class, but the juniors hated me, quite possibly for good reason.) When offered a beer, he accepted it, held it up, waited as the crowded room gradually settled down and noticed him, then declaimed: “Bucknell University: never won a football game, never lost a party!”
I vociferously object to that quote by your grandpa - Bucknell beat UB (University of Buffalo) fairly regularly - my Alma Mammy. In my attendance at UB games as an alumnus in the 60's - the highlight of the day was always the beer party after the game in alumni hall - Eli Konikoff and his Yankee Six Dixieland Band.....aah, those were DaDays.
We haven’t seen mine in a few years, but the last time we did, I caught her bragging to my then 7 year old daughter about how “I look so much younger than your mom because I dye my hair and she doesn’t, so she looks old.”
VD I absolutely Love everytime you post on Boomers.
My parents are Boomers. They just moved to Texas, and I asked my mom why they didn't look at one of the three states that they have grandkids in. Her reply was classic Boomer: "because we dont want to HAVE to babysit our grandkids, we want to have the freedom to travel."
Meanwhile, my Mexican mother in law lives with us to help take care of our two babies, and all her grandkids are the absolute joy of her life.
We sell expensive travel products, our target demo is The Boomer couple. You would be shocked by how many make statements about better to spend all their money and treasure on themselves than waste it passing it on to the kids and grandkids. *This* is their Legacy...
There is a distinction to be made here. I'm a millennial and allow me to say not all Boomers. Becausere there are two types: There are boomers who have become unrooted, with minimal connection to their family heritage. They moved around the country and were able to benefit financially from the fruits of globalization. My parents are those boomers.
Then there are boomers who didn't. Either they stayed in the place where they grew up, or they felt forced to join the military to get a let up. They understand the value of family because they either never left it or they wish the didn't feel forced to. Those boomers are my in-laws.
Guess which of those two categories will go out of their way to help my wife and I when we hit any sort of finanical bump in the road. And guess which one will put all sorts of stipulations on any assistance they would deem our family worthy of.
My Dad moved 2 hours away, wonders why I don't visit more often. I told him to stay in the area.
I think it depends on the family, and I think you also have to look at the Millennial and Gen Z parents and how they parent. I know my parents would love to spend all their time with their grandchildren. But one sibling is divorced and only has the kids so often so they ask Gramma and Grandpa not to come over often. And another sibling is very particular about how her child is raised and has been known to yell if the grandparents don't 'parent' correctly. My parents basically walk on eggshells around all their grandkids, and it impacts how often they see them. It doesn't help that we all live apart from each other - I'm the only one who stayed in our hometown and I don't have kids. And travelling is rough on older people.
Obviously it's not all Boomer grandparents in situations like this. But every situation has three truths: his truth, her truth, and the real truth.
Perhaps the Boomer generation should be a little closer to family overall, but I also don't think it's appropriate to *expect* constant childcare from family elders which is what I see a lot of going on today. Some people are kid people, and others are not, and that spectrum of attitude spans across generations; to that end, some Boomers want to have their grands almost every day, and others don't mind seeing them grow up in photographs, but to *expect* that people are going to be there on demand when you want them to be is unreasonable.
Even my great-grandmother (Silent Gen) went out and got a job when my grandmother started having kids because she didn't want to be guilted into supervision all the time. The operative word is balance, and her decision was made on her terms. Most people don't mind being around kids, but they also want to partake in non-kid activities as well, and people shouldn't be shamed for deciding that.
What I see more of is people my age and younger who expect constant free childcare whilst they go off gallivanting to, in their eyes, "having more fun than raising kids." Then they get all huffy and cop attitudes because grandma's got bingo night and can't watch the kids, so they gotta cough up money for a vetted babysitter when they want to get away. Again, nobody owes you their time, regardless of relationship. That dynamic is earned, and reciprocated, and people pull away when they feel they're being fleeced.
"nobody owes you their time", Its not nobody, its your family. Nobody is some stranger you met. Even friends get looked after.
It's a fair point of family, but...that also makes tension more difficult to deal with when the situation becomes problematic. Too many times these situations erupt because the caregiver relative is coerced into constant free childcare. That's not OK.
It's too easy to constantly dump the kids off on whatever relative seems half willing under the guise of "well you should want to see them!"... And that may be true, but nobody wants to live a life of being a constant on-call babysitter, no matter how willing they say they are. Balance...moderation...just like anything else in life.
I was raised by my grandparents for the beginnings of my life and without their work ethic and wisdom I would not be who I was. Both my parents weren't around much. Boomers now are desperate to cling to the old days, reminiscing about their good times. That's why they keep watching the Grit channel. No admission to just how bad it really is out there. When you point it out they can barely comprehend through the alcohol induced stupor. Its like they just quit at life and are coasting on summer vacation until they die. What I do give them is the mk ultra style brain washing that they received as a whole generation. It's very powerful as long lasting.
Disclaimer: I am a tail-end boomer. You would need to seek the testimony of boomers themselves concerning their relationships with their grandparents, and historical data about the role of grandparents, before making sweeping condemnations on the basis of anecdotal evidence. Instead you simply say, "I got on great with my grandparents and a bunch of people have complained to me about their boomer parents not being good grandparents. Therefore the boomers are the worst in history." Not a serious approach. There is, and always has been, a great deal of variation from family to family, individual to individual. My father's second wife declined to help take care of her grandchildren, causing consternation; it was her choice, and she was born a good generation before the boomers. And call me a cynic, but if you expect post-boomer generations to be models of family values, well, I have my doubts. Societal forces such as changes in the economy and the role of technology without doubt contribute significantly to any purported weakening of traditional family ties, and I see no reason to expect those influences to cease. It's easier to point the finger at an entire generation for their supposed moral turpitude than to figure out just why and how behavior really changes over time.
The boomer generation squandered absolutely every opportunity going down to their great great grandchildren in order to get pensions and give jose a lawn job. Boomers support illegal migrants more than their own progeny. It's clear in the policies made during that time. Not to mention the insane divorce rates, pronography, birth control and abortion. The boomer generation encouraged their children to deconstruct the strong family. Thanks to the jew lies y'all bought.
A huge wall of text just to say you don't understand statistical tendencies and cultural patterns.
"our descendants will be worse at family then we are" is not a winning defense.
See also, cause and effect run downstream
I'm not do much defending as a) pointing out that the case hasn't really been made, and b) expressing skepticism that our descendants will turn out to be exemplary. Point taken that cause and effect run downhill but that can be extended back indefinitely!
That's crazy that you spent time at the torpedo factory. My grandmother and Aunt/Uncle lived up there and we spent a good deal of time there as well. One of my distant older relatives now passed, Pat Monk, used to do metal sculptures up there.
That name actually sounds familiar. I very well may have met her; I met a lot of the artists who were based there in the late 1980s. And I remember some of them who were doing metalwork.
My in-laws preferred cruise ship trivia to their grand baby who was on board with them. A grand daughter they might only see once a year due to living states away.
I was only close with my mom's dad but several of my friends grandparents were overjoyed to have us over to eat their food. We would do jobs around their houses in return. Build stuff in the shops and use up all the gas riding quads and snowmobiles. Nowadays most boomers just use their money on scammers, vacations and trinkets we will throw in the garbage.
Gen-X here. Wife and I are watching my grandson while my daughter and husband are taking a cruise this week. Watching Charlie brown Thanksgiving.
Some one has to break the habits
Something is wrong with the way some boomer brains process family relationships. We celebrated Thanksgiving a day early at my boomer Mom's house. One of her toilets had been leaking and she turned the water off for it. My brother and I made the trip to the hardware store and fixed it to her unending apologies for us having to work. We didn't know what she was talking about. I realized she really doesn't understand it's normal for families help one another without hesitation or thought. We would have felt like jack asses if we didn't fix it. It's just weird.
I will add something positive. A couple from Church adopted my kids as the grandkids. Not because they hated their own, but because they were at the Great Grandchild stage and wanted to spread the love. Through many life events, and the death of the husband, they have become family. The blood children demanded that my kids be listed as grandchildren, because their grand kids assumed they were.
Both of these fine people were born in the 30's.
Your -
My grandparents came up for the homecoming football game my sophomore year, and my grandfather was invited to a TKE party with me that night. (I was friends with the brothers in my class, but the juniors hated me, quite possibly for good reason.) When offered a beer, he accepted it, held it up, waited as the crowded room gradually settled down and noticed him, then declaimed: “Bucknell University: never won a football game, never lost a party!”
I vociferously object to that quote by your grandpa - Bucknell beat UB (University of Buffalo) fairly regularly - my Alma Mammy. In my attendance at UB games as an alumnus in the 60's - the highlight of the day was always the beer party after the game in alumni hall - Eli Konikoff and his Yankee Six Dixieland Band.....aah, those were DaDays.
BTW - I was a TKE!
My mom doesn't want much to do with her grandchildren because it makes her feel old. She is 75
How old does she need to get before she wants to feel old?
Dead maybe?
We haven’t seen mine in a few years, but the last time we did, I caught her bragging to my then 7 year old daughter about how “I look so much younger than your mom because I dye my hair and she doesn’t, so she looks old.”
I'll bet her self-assessment is 100% realistic, too. 😆
VD I absolutely Love everytime you post on Boomers.
My parents are Boomers. They just moved to Texas, and I asked my mom why they didn't look at one of the three states that they have grandkids in. Her reply was classic Boomer: "because we dont want to HAVE to babysit our grandkids, we want to have the freedom to travel."
Meanwhile, my Mexican mother in law lives with us to help take care of our two babies, and all her grandkids are the absolute joy of her life.
We sell expensive travel products, our target demo is The Boomer couple. You would be shocked by how many make statements about better to spend all their money and treasure on themselves than waste it passing it on to the kids and grandkids. *This* is their Legacy...
What kinds of products? Got me curious now.
Timeshares/Vacation Ownership
There is a distinction to be made here. I'm a millennial and allow me to say not all Boomers. Becausere there are two types: There are boomers who have become unrooted, with minimal connection to their family heritage. They moved around the country and were able to benefit financially from the fruits of globalization. My parents are those boomers.
Then there are boomers who didn't. Either they stayed in the place where they grew up, or they felt forced to join the military to get a let up. They understand the value of family because they either never left it or they wish the didn't feel forced to. Those boomers are my in-laws.
Guess which of those two categories will go out of their way to help my wife and I when we hit any sort of finanical bump in the road. And guess which one will put all sorts of stipulations on any assistance they would deem our family worthy of.
"Boomer grandparents always on vacation" is a popular meme for a reason.