The Need for Other-Control

Self-discipline is seldom sufficient

The novel MUSASHI by Eji Yoshikawa is full of cogent observations that are SSH-relevant despite having been written more than 70 years before the articulation of the Socio-Sexual Hierarchy.

A story circulated in the city at the time of Itakura’s appointment, in 1601, said that before accepting, he asked Ieyasu if he might first consult his wife. When he returned home, he said to her:

“Since ancient times, there have been innumerable men in positions of honor who have performed outstanding deeds but have ended up bringing disgrace on themselves and their families. Most often the source of their failure is found in their wives and their family connections.”

Whether it is unjustified nepotism, family pressure, or fairness-based succession and inheritance, otherwise successful men often find themselves making suboptimal decisions that they know perfectly well are likely to lead to failure. This tends to be true regardless of whether men are Alphas, Bravos, Deltas, or Gammas.

And while men are often encouraged to develop self-control, they are very seldom, if ever, taught the importance of other-control. Itakura understood the importance of keeping his wife out of his professional responsibilities as the magistrate of the imperial city of Kyoto, but his understanding was so unusual that it became something akin to proverbial for more than three centuries.

It is natural to want to benefit one’s family, and in fact it is good to do so. But never at the expense of one’s responsibilities or the good of the family in general. I know of one very successful company that was divided equally between eight children; the succession failed to the point that before the founder had even managed to extricate himself from the operation, lawsuits were flying. In the end, only one-third of the business survived under the control of the family, and it is highly unlikely that anything will last long enough for a third generation.

Other-control is one area where men of the hierarchy can learn from men who operate outside it, from men whom the social rules mean nothing and the social pressure that so ruins successful men does not exist.