The Last to Know
Men do the pursuing, but women ultimately do the choosing
It’s very helpful to understand the significance of this combination of male pursuit and female choice, because it allows a man to avoid both the passivity of the Delta and the false targeting of the Gamma. Once he understands that a) he has to take the proactive role but b) he has no control over the ultimate decision, it allows him to not only take action as he sees fit, but also to quickly move on from those women to whom he is attracted but have no interest in him in search of more receptive individuals.
It can be useful for a man to understand that a woman always has an idealized model concept of her [boyfriend] and eventually her [husband] that she is fitting him into, regardless of how well he actually happens to fit it. Which, of course, is why it sometimes feels as if men are intrinsically interchangeable from the female perspective.
There was definitely a "Yep, this one" moment for me, very early on in talking to my now-husband. I suspected he was feeling the same way, so I stuffed my next email so full of encouraging hints to talk to my dad that even an autistic guy could pick up on it. 😁
Is it the other way around for high status men?
Years ago, I finally pestered my close Sigma friend into giving me an answer about whether or not he liked me, too, and he sat in complete and utter silence for two. whole. hours before he gave me an answer. I understood that he was deciding then not only if he liked me, but if he was going to choose me forever, and you better believe I kept my mouth good and shut, sat perfectly still, and hardly breathed. I distinctly remember my Delta father, who had given us some work to do (Sigma wasn't really interested, but I had to comply), walking into the room in a huff, looking from him to me, turning around and walking right out. After two hours Sigma said something to the equivalent of "yes, ok", And nothing I've done has been able to change his mind since. That was when he decided to say no to all other options and make staying with me the mission.