As a delta, Seems spot on. Peace and order are my top priorities. Consistency is source of order, therefore appreciated. Since consistency and reliability is the Delta love language, we aren't great about romantic gestures; just great to rely on for stability and competency.
Very helpful information for all women who communicate with men regularly, as long as the women know the general SSH rank of the man. Makes more sense to me now why certain ways I communicate are better received than others with my husband, sons and other men I interact with.
This was so great! Thank you! The sigma advice fits my husband to a tee , particularly the need for solitude , I often have to make myself back off so he get that time he needs/ wants
Man, I do love reading the comments of full breakdowns. Everyone talking about sigmas like they are mythical and share all of Vox's habits, at the same time. Talking about Alphas like demigods walking among us. Everyone just taking shots at Omegas just because they can. Seems no one wants to discuss Gammas, no one wants to admit they are one and even less admit to being married to one.
edit: Guys, I'm not judging the comments. I'm laughing at how overwhelming delta they are from how so many people are talking about the non-delta categories. Or, I'm laughing because it's a living example of what Vox is preaching.
In response to the woman whose comment inspired the post: first, Vox's advice is excellent, of course, and addresses the communication aspects very well.
From a female perspective and in answer to her final question, the best way to work in a team with a sigma is simply to be his right hand. He may not want to work constantly by your side or in your presence, but he will need someone to do the things he can't or doesn't want to do. Whenever possible, take the burden of things that he finds excessively stressful or annoying and handle them as competently as you can. When he knows without question that he can trust you to handle it, that is teamwork.
That's a good summary, and agreed, the Bravo series is helpful. I hate when the lines of communication get crossed like that! We've just always taken it as an opportunity to learn, then try to make sure we don't make the same mistake in the future.
My upbringing led me to follow the gamma advice, but my husband isn't a gamma. This has led to lots of confusion on both sides over the years as I worked very carefully to preserve his ego; meanwhile he was wishing I was more direct with him. 😂
Let's be honest here, Lambda's get married to women more often than Omega's do and they weren't even mentioned.
As an Omega, I have attracted female attention from women who were generally my equal in terms of SSH. Meaning women much older (decades), financially destitute, life long drug addicts, single mom's, etc. Basically anyone who had hit the bottom of the barrel and kept digging. So, I'm not saying Omega's never marry but it's rare and social pressure was likely involved on both sides of the arrangement.
This is a useful article. Please continue in this line, and do a similar article from the perspective of each of the SSH ranks on how to most effectively deal with the other SSH ranks, and put that and this article in the book.
Omega's are literally the easiest to please. Here's the general script of our internal monologue:
Do you currently exist? Awesome. Are you currently existing in my bedroom? Wait, 'our' bedroom? You live here too!? Like, with me? Concurrently? This is the happiest I've ever been. I'd ask you to marry me right now, but for some reason I'm still convinced that question would wake you from my dream and activate the need to save yourself and bail.
That's kind of our thing. We're not in Eeyore Mode 24-7. It just creeps into the positivity at the end there; like a little tail tacked on the rear. If you're a woman who's skilled at popping those bubbles before they swell up too big, you're our type.
“If he bothered to marry you, he’s probably personally obsessed with you”
Hahhahaha yeah…took me a bit to learn that one. Marriage with a sigma is a bit like an intrepid explorer cutting through wilderness no one (that I know in real life) has gone before. Our house won’t ever be the house everyone hangs out at, and I won’t be renowned for hostess skills. But a sigma whose mission is his family can provide things few others will and it all shakes out.
I’ve heard mysterious a few times, unpredictable is quite common, unconventional, odd, strange, weird, I also hear that both husband and I are harsh and cold blooded a lot. The kids are described as bright but not interested in others or interested in things outside of their own interests.
We were strictly ‘suggested’ to make our new life goal to be “boring and unpredictable”. Truthfully, what others think is both not relevant and actively unhelpful generally.
Checks with chart. Definitely rings true. My mom and dad are middle school sweethearts. That in itself is crazy to me, but he also put up with so much from her during her mid-life crisis that we were seriously confused as to how the marriage was still going. And then she snapped out of it and things carried on just like before. Later I reasoned that he must just love her in a way that is very different from the way other men love.
That’s interesting. I’m married to a Sigma who is consistently mistaken for an Alpha. We are the house the everyone hangs out at, drops in on, and we host all the major winter holidays. Vox gave me some great advice back around Thanksgiving for protecting my husband from burnout since him being a situational is the only viable Alpha for our little community for the foreseeable future.
If others had their way, that would be our house too. I used to wish for it but don’t anymore. We don’t invite many over, and even then quite rarely, bc it’s much cleaner to leave someone’s party than to kick everyone out when he’s had his dose of interaction. With this system, we can show up for 30 minutes or an hour, then disappear again. People see him when he’s ready, and he leaves when he’s done while times are still good, so there’s no lingering into unpleasant territory. We have a running joke that my husband is an international man of mystery.
That is hilarious. My friends in high school had a joke that my dad was a Russian spy. He is neither Russian nor involved in the government, so this was rather amusing.
Well that’s weird- I’ve also asked my husband if he’s a Russian spy. But it was because he moved our family to Russia for a year and he picked up the language so darn quickly.
We both like it well enough. But we’re also glad when everybody gets busy with work for the high season here and we get a break from it. I have to manage it carefully though so he doesn’t get burned out, these days pretty much the only time we get into fights is when the social pressure gets to be too much.
Sounds like you’ve hit on a really good rhythm for yourselves.
I think the situational Alpha status is key here. Sometimes that hole is filled by a Sigma, but definitely not to everyone's satisfaction. The bravos in particular are upset (confused?) with the arrangement, in my experience.
Fair enough- he ends up as a situational alpha every time he interacts with other men in any meaningful way. Even Alphas mistake him for a peer and end up baffled by him. I’d say most people, including bravos, are persistently confused but happy as long as things work out. They’re all devastated when he decides he’s given a project all that he has available for it and bails for a new project or puzzle or mission.
Him being stuck in a more or less permanent situational Alpha role in the community where we’re raising our kids, which he can’t bail on without destabilizing our children, has been an interesting balancing act. It looks like being fully present for the situational alpha role when it’s critical to be and then disappearing for days/weeks/up to a month at a time to go focus on the projects he wants to be doing. People seem to be getting used to the idea that he always does come back, but it’s taken like ten years of people wondering if we’ve all moved moved away (“oh- you guys moved back?? Nope, never moved just were on a jaunt) or even wondering to my face if he’s left me (“Is your marriage ok, he’s gone a lot? Are you sure he doesn’t have a secret family on the side somewhere? Even once, “did he not actually want children, he’s always gone from you all?)
I’ve stopped trying to explain what he’s up to as it ranges so widely in ways that make sense to me but looks bizarre and erratic and not obviously constructive to other people. When the projects come to fruition people seem to think it’s luck and magic.
Now I just say “he’s traveling for business” which appears to be socially acceptable and what people expect of an Alpha, and I just keep a mental note that what constitutes “business” for him is vast.
Talking to him about what other people think of what we’re up to is utterly useless, and just seems to make him grumpy if he thinks that I care what other people are thinking. And ride-or-die cheer leading, coupled with bravo competence at moving his objectives forward, and trusting in his vision goes a very long way.
Best summation I read so far of a good wife to a Sigma. Five stars. And I know you truly deserve them. As a tiny part of my lizard brain tries to conceive of the mammalian sacrifices Sigma wives endure, it objectively (if intellectually) seems like it must be pretty heavy. It’s not like I can relate other than in an abstract conceptual way, but yeah… “must be hard” comes to mind.
While my marriage still looks different from almost everyone else's here, the sigma/ situational alpha description seems like maybe the closest fit.
There were several times when I was younger where I was asked if my marriage was OK; it's always been great, we just don't do things the way most people do. Very few understand how important it is to give him his space when he needs it, and they are floored when I'm not constantly checking on what he's doing when he's alone in his office.
If I told them I never made him change diapers when the kids were little, their heads would probably explode.
I’ve had to recently explain to friends that I can’t. “make” my husband do anything.
He had a surgery that he was supposed to be chilling out and recovering from and so many friends were like “you’re not going to let him do X/Y/Z are you??? You’ll make him do his pt right?”
Explaining “you gotta ask him, I’m not his boss or his stalker. Am I supposed to follow him around all day and nag him to not lift things??” Got me lots of funny looks. But for the people who know us well enough, it clicked.
Which led to a very weird follow up conversation where bravo-ish guy friend asked him what he would do if, on the night before our wedding, hanging with all his bros, I had come in and very seriously stated that there was a vampire outside.
The set up was that me seriously believing in a vampire was a huge red flag and would embarrass him in front of his friends. And my husband was just like “I’d say ‘let’s go find the vampire…. If you’re asking if I’d change my mind about who to marry because of what my friends thought, you’re talking to the wrong guy.”
Also for the wives, if you need or want something or to have it done, please ask plainly. Avoid the circuitous double question and possible narrative in "Do you think you could ..." or a similar phrase, even for "take out the trash." If it's an immediate need, add "now." Be patient, as the answer may be "OK," "soon", or "later."
He's likely on a more direct, sequential operating system. System interrupts and narrative jumps are to be used carefully. Constant interrupts cause pointer errors, yelling, or other blowups. The image above suggests this: he appears busy with something important for household (reply to the town or a professional of some kind), or essential at work.
One exception: if you use this interrupt and narrative on a Gamma in his field of expertise, it may happen immediately and with Full Surround Monologue. Again, please be patient; you literally asked for it.
"Constant interrupts cause pointer errors, yelling, or other blowups."
Ex: "Can you do this?"
"OK" /task-start
"By the way, [request for completely unrelated task that takes twice as much time]"
Respect that a man needs time to complete the work you want done. Adding additional tasks is distracting from the original task you interrupted his attention for.
Bundle the tasks from the beginning, or save additional items for later in a future ask. Do not treat the act of working on your requested task as a cue to unload your list of needs.
instead of adding to the conversation let's appreciate how awesome this info is. No place on the internet you are going to get this much accuracy for free, no strings attached, 100% honesty. And it's not because Dark Lord Cares, It is because he doeant. Great post.
He is remarkably accurate, it's true. I'm a Gamma, and the section of advice for the unfortunate wives of Gammas was spot on - all of that advice sounds exactly like what I would prefer from a woman, not that anyone cares what a Gamma prefers.
Hey, you seem like a really down-to-earth, likeable individual. A "high gamma," if you will. Subject matter expertise without the self-delusion. I know a couple men like you. It's seriously not a bad thing to be at all. Those men have good careers, are good to be around, fine to work with. Some obvious tells persist, such as asking too many unproductive/redundant questions, but that's totally fine.
The SSH is intended a statement of pure fact, no judgment intended. All SSH ranks have light and shadow aspects. It would appear you're working on enhancing your positive aspects while minimising or mitigating the shadow aspects. That's as good as anyone of us can do.
Let me balance the scale. People care about you as a human and a person, you are in their lives. As soon as I can determine you are a gamma in my life the fire walls are on and the volume on what you say goes down. So it is very subjective of -who is going to care what you have to say
I've done plenty of things in life because a Gamma preferred it. As well as ignoring things that a Gamma preferred because it wasn't in scope of what I could do.
Gammas are still part of the hierarchy, and that comes with rights others are obliged to respect even if requires biting the tongue sometimes.
I think maybe for am Omega, mothering him might actually be the best thing for him. I am aware that's not usually good advice. I have an Omega friend however and if he had a woman who made good money and could provide for him, loved him unconditionally and put a bib on him every morning and fed him with a spoon.....I think that would complete him.
There are women out there like that so If that is the solution then there is hope for an Omega
As a high-achieving Omega, this is the right answer. I have around 100 people to manage on 4 projects and numerous side deals, and I do a lot of stuff outside of that as well, so having gym time protected and a place to just stop being “on” by 11 pm is absolutely everything I want. The social aspects of this are draining beyond belief. There’s no such thing as “caught up” or “having fun with people,” so I need a hidey hole to triage for the next day, the next week, the next call.
No social calendar, please. No guests. Just quiet conversation, book talk, physical proximity, things that don’t demand anything and that I can’t get wrong. Taking off the war paint and letting the cortisol drop is all I want.
I thought of another good one for Sigma wives: Never send your husband to the grocery store for one or two items, unless you're ready for your whole pantry to be restocked.
There's a pattern. However not being linked to a hierarchy makes their specific behavior more influenced by their particular mission and the required skills to accomplish it. You'll see sleepless nights over seemingly trivia details that matter solely to the mission while they oversleep on stuff that doesn't matter to it but will later cause huge social faux pas. The biggest relevant difference is that an alpha will always treat deltas with that status gulf. Trump, king alpha, treats all hired help with the same noblesse oblige.
If a Sigma's goal requires him to cooperate with a delta, that delta is his peer for the moment. If he needs to work with an alpha the alpha is his peer. When they are not needed they are not included in the Sigma's thoughts at all. In my experience when the Sigma needs to interact with people directly the recipient feels more comfortable in regards to status pressure but more uncomfortable in regards to where to place the Sigma.
An example is the old stereotype of the elderly man sweeping up dust at the monastery. You feel comfortable telling him your woes and the elderly man's advice is as clear as an autumn's morning - but then you start getting anxious wondering if he's the master of master's of the monastery or just a janitor.
"when the Sigma needs to interact with people directly the recipient feels more comfortable in regards to status pressure but more uncomfortable in regards to where to place the Sigma."
Thanks Vox, this is exactly what I needed.
As a delta, Seems spot on. Peace and order are my top priorities. Consistency is source of order, therefore appreciated. Since consistency and reliability is the Delta love language, we aren't great about romantic gestures; just great to rely on for stability and competency.
Very helpful information for all women who communicate with men regularly, as long as the women know the general SSH rank of the man. Makes more sense to me now why certain ways I communicate are better received than others with my husband, sons and other men I interact with.
This was so great! Thank you! The sigma advice fits my husband to a tee , particularly the need for solitude , I often have to make myself back off so he get that time he needs/ wants
Man, I do love reading the comments of full breakdowns. Everyone talking about sigmas like they are mythical and share all of Vox's habits, at the same time. Talking about Alphas like demigods walking among us. Everyone just taking shots at Omegas just because they can. Seems no one wants to discuss Gammas, no one wants to admit they are one and even less admit to being married to one.
edit: Guys, I'm not judging the comments. I'm laughing at how overwhelming delta they are from how so many people are talking about the non-delta categories. Or, I'm laughing because it's a living example of what Vox is preaching.
A gamma's wife is the type of woman who would avoid this blog like the plague.
1) Vox discusses Gammas all the time
2) Several of us admit to being Gamma, myself included
3) I'm not and have never been married and haven't seen women here mention being married to Gammas so I can't comment on wives remarks.
Because they aren't married to one. If they were what is there to talk about?
In response to the woman whose comment inspired the post: first, Vox's advice is excellent, of course, and addresses the communication aspects very well.
From a female perspective and in answer to her final question, the best way to work in a team with a sigma is simply to be his right hand. He may not want to work constantly by your side or in your presence, but he will need someone to do the things he can't or doesn't want to do. Whenever possible, take the burden of things that he finds excessively stressful or annoying and handle them as competently as you can. When he knows without question that he can trust you to handle it, that is teamwork.
This
That's a good summary, and agreed, the Bravo series is helpful. I hate when the lines of communication get crossed like that! We've just always taken it as an opportunity to learn, then try to make sure we don't make the same mistake in the future.
I like that; somehow I never noticed the part about him sitting in the gates, but it fits.
My upbringing led me to follow the gamma advice, but my husband isn't a gamma. This has led to lots of confusion on both sides over the years as I worked very carefully to preserve his ego; meanwhile he was wishing I was more direct with him. 😂
Let's be honest here, Lambda's get married to women more often than Omega's do and they weren't even mentioned.
As an Omega, I have attracted female attention from women who were generally my equal in terms of SSH. Meaning women much older (decades), financially destitute, life long drug addicts, single mom's, etc. Basically anyone who had hit the bottom of the barrel and kept digging. So, I'm not saying Omega's never marry but it's rare and social pressure was likely involved on both sides of the arrangement.
This is a useful article. Please continue in this line, and do a similar article from the perspective of each of the SSH ranks on how to most effectively deal with the other SSH ranks, and put that and this article in the book.
Omega's are literally the easiest to please. Here's the general script of our internal monologue:
Do you currently exist? Awesome. Are you currently existing in my bedroom? Wait, 'our' bedroom? You live here too!? Like, with me? Concurrently? This is the happiest I've ever been. I'd ask you to marry me right now, but for some reason I'm still convinced that question would wake you from my dream and activate the need to save yourself and bail.
That's kind of our thing. We're not in Eeyore Mode 24-7. It just creeps into the positivity at the end there; like a little tail tacked on the rear. If you're a woman who's skilled at popping those bubbles before they swell up too big, you're our type.
“If he bothered to marry you, he’s probably personally obsessed with you”
Hahhahaha yeah…took me a bit to learn that one. Marriage with a sigma is a bit like an intrepid explorer cutting through wilderness no one (that I know in real life) has gone before. Our house won’t ever be the house everyone hangs out at, and I won’t be renowned for hostess skills. But a sigma whose mission is his family can provide things few others will and it all shakes out.
How would you say that your close friends see your family unit from the outside? Mysterious?
I’ve heard mysterious a few times, unpredictable is quite common, unconventional, odd, strange, weird, I also hear that both husband and I are harsh and cold blooded a lot. The kids are described as bright but not interested in others or interested in things outside of their own interests.
We were strictly ‘suggested’ to make our new life goal to be “boring and unpredictable”. Truthfully, what others think is both not relevant and actively unhelpful generally.
Thanks.
Checks with chart. Definitely rings true. My mom and dad are middle school sweethearts. That in itself is crazy to me, but he also put up with so much from her during her mid-life crisis that we were seriously confused as to how the marriage was still going. And then she snapped out of it and things carried on just like before. Later I reasoned that he must just love her in a way that is very different from the way other men love.
That’s interesting. I’m married to a Sigma who is consistently mistaken for an Alpha. We are the house the everyone hangs out at, drops in on, and we host all the major winter holidays. Vox gave me some great advice back around Thanksgiving for protecting my husband from burnout since him being a situational is the only viable Alpha for our little community for the foreseeable future.
If others had their way, that would be our house too. I used to wish for it but don’t anymore. We don’t invite many over, and even then quite rarely, bc it’s much cleaner to leave someone’s party than to kick everyone out when he’s had his dose of interaction. With this system, we can show up for 30 minutes or an hour, then disappear again. People see him when he’s ready, and he leaves when he’s done while times are still good, so there’s no lingering into unpleasant territory. We have a running joke that my husband is an international man of mystery.
That is hilarious. My friends in high school had a joke that my dad was a Russian spy. He is neither Russian nor involved in the government, so this was rather amusing.
Well that’s weird- I’ve also asked my husband if he’s a Russian spy. But it was because he moved our family to Russia for a year and he picked up the language so darn quickly.
The plot thickens. Maybe my dad is a Russian Spy... I'll have to schedule a meeting and ask him myself.
We both like it well enough. But we’re also glad when everybody gets busy with work for the high season here and we get a break from it. I have to manage it carefully though so he doesn’t get burned out, these days pretty much the only time we get into fights is when the social pressure gets to be too much.
Sounds like you’ve hit on a really good rhythm for yourselves.
I think the situational Alpha status is key here. Sometimes that hole is filled by a Sigma, but definitely not to everyone's satisfaction. The bravos in particular are upset (confused?) with the arrangement, in my experience.
Fair enough- he ends up as a situational alpha every time he interacts with other men in any meaningful way. Even Alphas mistake him for a peer and end up baffled by him. I’d say most people, including bravos, are persistently confused but happy as long as things work out. They’re all devastated when he decides he’s given a project all that he has available for it and bails for a new project or puzzle or mission.
Him being stuck in a more or less permanent situational Alpha role in the community where we’re raising our kids, which he can’t bail on without destabilizing our children, has been an interesting balancing act. It looks like being fully present for the situational alpha role when it’s critical to be and then disappearing for days/weeks/up to a month at a time to go focus on the projects he wants to be doing. People seem to be getting used to the idea that he always does come back, but it’s taken like ten years of people wondering if we’ve all moved moved away (“oh- you guys moved back?? Nope, never moved just were on a jaunt) or even wondering to my face if he’s left me (“Is your marriage ok, he’s gone a lot? Are you sure he doesn’t have a secret family on the side somewhere? Even once, “did he not actually want children, he’s always gone from you all?)
I’ve stopped trying to explain what he’s up to as it ranges so widely in ways that make sense to me but looks bizarre and erratic and not obviously constructive to other people. When the projects come to fruition people seem to think it’s luck and magic.
Now I just say “he’s traveling for business” which appears to be socially acceptable and what people expect of an Alpha, and I just keep a mental note that what constitutes “business” for him is vast.
Talking to him about what other people think of what we’re up to is utterly useless, and just seems to make him grumpy if he thinks that I care what other people are thinking. And ride-or-die cheer leading, coupled with bravo competence at moving his objectives forward, and trusting in his vision goes a very long way.
Best summation I read so far of a good wife to a Sigma. Five stars. And I know you truly deserve them. As a tiny part of my lizard brain tries to conceive of the mammalian sacrifices Sigma wives endure, it objectively (if intellectually) seems like it must be pretty heavy. It’s not like I can relate other than in an abstract conceptual way, but yeah… “must be hard” comes to mind.
While my marriage still looks different from almost everyone else's here, the sigma/ situational alpha description seems like maybe the closest fit.
There were several times when I was younger where I was asked if my marriage was OK; it's always been great, we just don't do things the way most people do. Very few understand how important it is to give him his space when he needs it, and they are floored when I'm not constantly checking on what he's doing when he's alone in his office.
If I told them I never made him change diapers when the kids were little, their heads would probably explode.
About the diapers, lol.
I’ve had to recently explain to friends that I can’t. “make” my husband do anything.
He had a surgery that he was supposed to be chilling out and recovering from and so many friends were like “you’re not going to let him do X/Y/Z are you??? You’ll make him do his pt right?”
Explaining “you gotta ask him, I’m not his boss or his stalker. Am I supposed to follow him around all day and nag him to not lift things??” Got me lots of funny looks. But for the people who know us well enough, it clicked.
Which led to a very weird follow up conversation where bravo-ish guy friend asked him what he would do if, on the night before our wedding, hanging with all his bros, I had come in and very seriously stated that there was a vampire outside.
The set up was that me seriously believing in a vampire was a huge red flag and would embarrass him in front of his friends. And my husband was just like “I’d say ‘let’s go find the vampire…. If you’re asking if I’d change my mind about who to marry because of what my friends thought, you’re talking to the wrong guy.”
I mean… who WOULDN’T want to go find the vampire? Silver cross and wooden stake in hand of course.
Wow, that would be a surreal conversation.
With you 100% on "making" him do anything. As if. We never would have made it to the altar if I ever tried.
Also for the wives, if you need or want something or to have it done, please ask plainly. Avoid the circuitous double question and possible narrative in "Do you think you could ..." or a similar phrase, even for "take out the trash." If it's an immediate need, add "now." Be patient, as the answer may be "OK," "soon", or "later."
He's likely on a more direct, sequential operating system. System interrupts and narrative jumps are to be used carefully. Constant interrupts cause pointer errors, yelling, or other blowups. The image above suggests this: he appears busy with something important for household (reply to the town or a professional of some kind), or essential at work.
One exception: if you use this interrupt and narrative on a Gamma in his field of expertise, it may happen immediately and with Full Surround Monologue. Again, please be patient; you literally asked for it.
"Constant interrupts cause pointer errors, yelling, or other blowups."
Ex: "Can you do this?"
"OK" /task-start
"By the way, [request for completely unrelated task that takes twice as much time]"
Respect that a man needs time to complete the work you want done. Adding additional tasks is distracting from the original task you interrupted his attention for.
Bundle the tasks from the beginning, or save additional items for later in a future ask. Do not treat the act of working on your requested task as a cue to unload your list of needs.
instead of adding to the conversation let's appreciate how awesome this info is. No place on the internet you are going to get this much accuracy for free, no strings attached, 100% honesty. And it's not because Dark Lord Cares, It is because he doeant. Great post.
He is remarkably accurate, it's true. I'm a Gamma, and the section of advice for the unfortunate wives of Gammas was spot on - all of that advice sounds exactly like what I would prefer from a woman, not that anyone cares what a Gamma prefers.
Hey, you seem like a really down-to-earth, likeable individual. A "high gamma," if you will. Subject matter expertise without the self-delusion. I know a couple men like you. It's seriously not a bad thing to be at all. Those men have good careers, are good to be around, fine to work with. Some obvious tells persist, such as asking too many unproductive/redundant questions, but that's totally fine.
The SSH is intended a statement of pure fact, no judgment intended. All SSH ranks have light and shadow aspects. It would appear you're working on enhancing your positive aspects while minimising or mitigating the shadow aspects. That's as good as anyone of us can do.
Let me balance the scale. People care about you as a human and a person, you are in their lives. As soon as I can determine you are a gamma in my life the fire walls are on and the volume on what you say goes down. So it is very subjective of -who is going to care what you have to say
"not that anyone cares what a Gamma prefers."
I've done plenty of things in life because a Gamma preferred it. As well as ignoring things that a Gamma preferred because it wasn't in scope of what I could do.
Gammas are still part of the hierarchy, and that comes with rights others are obliged to respect even if requires biting the tongue sometimes.
I think maybe for am Omega, mothering him might actually be the best thing for him. I am aware that's not usually good advice. I have an Omega friend however and if he had a woman who made good money and could provide for him, loved him unconditionally and put a bib on him every morning and fed him with a spoon.....I think that would complete him.
There are women out there like that so If that is the solution then there is hope for an Omega
As a high-achieving Omega, this is the right answer. I have around 100 people to manage on 4 projects and numerous side deals, and I do a lot of stuff outside of that as well, so having gym time protected and a place to just stop being “on” by 11 pm is absolutely everything I want. The social aspects of this are draining beyond belief. There’s no such thing as “caught up” or “having fun with people,” so I need a hidey hole to triage for the next day, the next week, the next call.
No social calendar, please. No guests. Just quiet conversation, book talk, physical proximity, things that don’t demand anything and that I can’t get wrong. Taking off the war paint and letting the cortisol drop is all I want.
I thought of another good one for Sigma wives: Never send your husband to the grocery store for one or two items, unless you're ready for your whole pantry to be restocked.
That's sounds like adhd. My wife will send me in for 2 items, i will get maybe 1 of them plus a grocery cart of other stuff we may or may not need.
Is the sigma less of a pattern of behavior and more of a placeholder to lump the high status anomalies to distinguish them from alphas?
There's a pattern. However not being linked to a hierarchy makes their specific behavior more influenced by their particular mission and the required skills to accomplish it. You'll see sleepless nights over seemingly trivia details that matter solely to the mission while they oversleep on stuff that doesn't matter to it but will later cause huge social faux pas. The biggest relevant difference is that an alpha will always treat deltas with that status gulf. Trump, king alpha, treats all hired help with the same noblesse oblige.
If a Sigma's goal requires him to cooperate with a delta, that delta is his peer for the moment. If he needs to work with an alpha the alpha is his peer. When they are not needed they are not included in the Sigma's thoughts at all. In my experience when the Sigma needs to interact with people directly the recipient feels more comfortable in regards to status pressure but more uncomfortable in regards to where to place the Sigma.
An example is the old stereotype of the elderly man sweeping up dust at the monastery. You feel comfortable telling him your woes and the elderly man's advice is as clear as an autumn's morning - but then you start getting anxious wondering if he's the master of master's of the monastery or just a janitor.
"when the Sigma needs to interact with people directly the recipient feels more comfortable in regards to status pressure but more uncomfortable in regards to where to place the Sigma."
Very true.
Vox has said in the past that sigma is the absence of a pattern.
Aquarius ♒ things. Pretty sure all of psychology is just reinventing astrology, badly.
Well, it's only utility seems to be to distinguish from an alpha. Basically it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, but don't expect any eggs.
It's just that being in a hierarchy leads to more consistent actions and interactions. Constraints if you will.