Stop Explaining
Putting an end to intrinsically low-status behavior
I received an email last week from a man whose attempt to forge a connection with a young woman went suddenly awry for two reasons. First, he tried to shake her hand after introducing himself, which he immediately, and correctly, sensed was interpreted by her as a weird thing to do.
This is basic etiquette, just to inform all of you feral non-gentleman, and it exists for a reason. If you’re so unfamiliar with basic etiquette that you don’t know a man always waits for a woman to offer her hand first, then you really need to read a book or two on etiquette, preferably one published before 1950.
A lady will be the first to give out her hand before you do. But when she does, shake her hand calmly and firmly, but not too hard.
Then, to make matters worse, Handshake Guy tried to explain himself. This, of course, immediately had the expected effect, as her eyes immediately glazed over, she observably lost interest in talking to him, and excused herself from the conversation.
Explanations are inevitably and always indicative of low-status. An explanation is something a child has to provide a parent, a wrongdoer has to provide an authority figure, or a student has to provide a teacher. So when a man goes into explanatory mode, unrequested, and starts explaining himself to a woman, she is going to naturally see him as an inferior figure, and thereby lose any potential attraction she has to him.
So never offer an unprompted explanation.
Also, even a requested explanation can be harmful to the way in which a man is perceived by others. We’ve all been there when a man is asked to explain something, his eyes light up, and before he even begins to launch into the inevitable fifteen-minute monologue, we regret having asked him to explain anything.
So, even if you’re asked for an explanation, keep it short, keep it simple, and above all, pay close attention to the person to whom you’re explaining something. If you notice any sign of impatience or boredom, or if they are interrupting you with irrelevant or tangential matters, immediately stop the explanation and let them move on to whatever subject they prefer. Definitely do not do that thing where you let your eyes glaze over, you look off into the distance, and you let yourself get carried away with the pure pleasure of hearing your own voice.
Words that every man should excise from his vocabulary:
Did you know?
It’s a little-known fact…
Because…
As I was saying…
One area where men should offer the absolute minimum explanation, if any at all, is for their job. I have observed countless times that literally no one cares what I or others do for a living.
Even if a person directly asks, “So what do you do?” I have found it best to simply answer the question and move on to a new topic. “I’m an accountant. I work in such-and-such city near this cool cafe. Have you ever been there?” If you launch into the specifics of your job, why you like or hate your job, or any detail at all about your job, you will become as interesting as a phone book and nobody will want to keep speaking with you.
As men, we just do things.
This is why women are attracted to the 'bad boys' is because they show that they have the power to live outside of the system. Outside of the morality. Outside of all the day to day fuss and muss. They often show what they want to do, and just do it. They allow the woman a place to emotionally place herself, in her head, where she'll be in their lives. From gangsters to cartels, to the stupid goth kid in high school, they simply show that they have the emotional where with all to live outside of whatever hierarchy exists.
So, if you're going to be in the social hierarchy, you have to be in it. Do the things according to what the game is played. Know how to play it accordingly. Make sure she can see herself in your arms, at your side, in her head and in her emotional little world.
So, follow the rules of the hierarchy. Know them, stupid, so that she doesn't have stupid things get in the way of her seeing herself in that world
Because that's what counts - her emotional dream world having a place for her to imagine where she'll be. What her status will be. And then simply providing a life around that for her to fill out with children, beauty, and all things feminine.