Narcissism is Not a Job Skill

Your preferences are not your employer's problem

A reader explains his need to constantly question authority on the job:

I am the kind of person who does not feel comfortable doing a task if I do not understand it. Many times in the past, my compulsive need to understand the task at hand has led people to think I am challenging them about it in some way. This leaves me baffled and dealing with an argument I didn't intend to start... because I'm not TRYING to argue!

I know my place as a cog in the works. I want to give my bosses what they want, but I really need to feel I know what that IS or I get nervous and I spend more time 2nd guessing myself than getting the task done.

I have tried saying "But I'm not arguing with you" but that phrase doesn't seem to disarm the situation.

Is there a certain way I can phrase my need for understanding without creating needless drama?

The inability of the average individual to learn from his past failures never ceases to astonish me. It is simply amazing how the average person insists upon doing the same thing over and over and over again without ever trying something different that might lead to different, more positive results. And what is even more remarkable is that on those rare occasions when someone actually does something different, and discovers that the alternative works better, he will usually return to his previous routine of systematic failure without hesitation.

The quoted section relates precisely the sort of behavior that inspired me to devote an entire Darkstream to the subject, entitled The Single Most Important Piece of Advice to Improve Your Life. The videos are exclusive to UATV, and therefore only available to subscribers, but I don’t mind summarizing that one extremely important piece of advice here for everyone.

Shut. The. Fuck. Up.

Seriously. In many situations, if not most, that’s literally all that’s required! Just don’t talk. That’s all you need to do.

Consider the amount of narcissism and self-centeredness that is literally dripping from the quote above. Consider the complete absence of even the tiniest amount of empathy for literally everyone who has to deal with that narcissistic individual. And then contemplate the way in which his intentions are somehow supposed to trump reality, even for other people who have no reason to know or care about whatever his intentions might happen to be!

Seriously, just shut the fuck up. It solves far more problems than you’d think.

Here’s the reader’s key failure to understand the human condition at his work: No one, literally no one, cares if you are comfortable doing a task or not. Not your boss, not his boss, not your co-workers, not your wife, not your children, and not your friends. I can’t stress this enough. Absolutely no one cares! Not at all. So, your lack of comfort does not - cannot - justify anything.

Imagine a soldier being ordered to take an enemy position expressing the same “compulsive need to understand the task at hand” and insisting on a explanation for why the position needed to be assaulted, how the assault should be performed, and whether the soldier given the order was, in fact, the ideal soldier to be assigned the task? Wouldn’t that be considered a challenge to the officer who gave the order?

Of course it would! This is textbook Gamma behavior of doing something while somehow managing to rationalize that he’s neither doing nor intending what he is quite obviously and observably doing!

Telling someone “I’m not arguing with you” while you are challenging them and arguing with them is no more convincing than repeatedly telling them “I’m not attacking you” while punching them in the face and kicking them in the stomach. It not only makes you look like a liar, it makes you look completely insane.

There is no such thing as “a compulsive need to understand the task at hand.” What there is, and what that represents, is “a comprehensive rejection of one’s legitimate place in the relevant hierarchy.” The reader might know what his place is supposed to be, but he does not truly accept it and he instinctively attempts to subvert that hierarchy by attempting to force his superiors to answer to him, to be subject to his requirements, and to justify their orders to him.

“Sir, you don’t seem to understand that YOU aren’t interrogating ME. That’s not how this works!”

This is a pernicious and incredibly self-sabotaging behavior and it goes a long way toward explaining why Gammas are so poorly regarded by their fellow men as well as why their low-status in the hierarchy is absolutely justified. Gammas simply can’t be trusted or relied upon to do even the simplest task; notice the way the reader openly states that if his need to feel important and superior isn’t met, he’ll spend more time gazing at his navel “and second-guessing himself” than he will on simply getting anything done.

So, the answer to the question is no, there is not a certain way he can phrase his need for understanding without creating needless drama because his self-perceived “need for understanding” is nothing more than a self-justification for his negative behavior. This may all sound a bit harsh, but keep in mind that we’re dealing with someone who has stubbornly ignored all of the evidence that has been right in front of his face for years, so it’s necessary to be more than perfectly clear.. and given what we know about Gammas, even then, it probably won’t be sufficient.

And yet, we shall hope for the best. Here is my specific advice to the reader:

1. Get over yourself. Your bosses just want you to get the job done and they don’t care if you understand why it needs to be done. No one cares. Just do it!

2. Shut the fuck up. The only thing out of your mouth in response to any order from your boss should be “You got it! I’m on it, sir!” Seriously, just try it. See what happens.

3. If you’re not entirely sure how to do what you’re supposed to do, then ask someone with experience who has done it before. Do not ask the person who gave you the order! Do not waste lots of time on research and a journey toward true and perfect enlightenment of the situation, just use your best judgment and take your best shot to make sure you get the job done on time.

4. Stop using your imperfect understanding as an excuse to spiral and do nothing. You have a mission, so execute the mission. You can spiral and worry about what everyone thinks about you and if you’re truly the Special Boy that Mommy said you were afterwards, if you like.

You’re not there to achieve Enlightenment. You’re there to do the job!

At the very least, it’s worth a try. Alternatively, you can keep getting pedantic, arguing with everyone who tries to assign you a task, failing to get anything done on time, and over time convince the decision-makers that you are an unreliable pain-in-the-ass who is of negative value to the company.

The choice might seem obvious, but therein lies the fundamental problem of behavioral patterns. They’re much harder to break than any of us would like to believe.