Low Status Self-Sabotage

How inappropriate modesty tends to devalue the individual

In the movie Top Gun: Maverick, the Naval aviator named “Hangman” makes a memorable entrance at the bar owned by the admiral’s daughter, and he responds to a compliment from his fellow aviator with what has become an instant catchphrase.

ROOSTER: Hangman. You look… good.

HANGMAN: Well, I am good, Rooster. I’m very good. In fact, I am too good to be true.

In true Alpha fashion, he not only backs up his self-confidence with his performance in both training and on the mission, but submits obediently to his Alpha superior’s judgment about being assigned to the reserve, a judgment which is subsequently proven correct when Hangman saves the mission leader from being shot down after completing the mission.

HANGMAN: Good afternoon, ladies and gentleman, this is your savior speaking. Please fasten your seat belts, return the tray tables to their locked an upright positions and prepare for landing.

ROOSTER: Hey, Hangman, you look good.

HANGMAN: I am good, Rooster. I'm very good. I'll see you back on deck.

The Hangman cometh just in the nick of time.

Air combat heroics notwithstanding, Hangman’s finest moment in the film is just before the mission launches when he confronts his rival, whom he knows to be his inferior, and places the success of the mission ahead of his own substantial ego. Instead of saying anything that might distract Rooster or hurt his fragile confidence, he simply nods and says: “You give ‘em Hell!”

By doing this, he’s knowingly granting Rooster, a fatherless self-doubting Bravo, the Alpha blessing that Rooster so obviously craves, a vote of confidence to help build up Rooster’s shaky self-confidence at a critical moment and thereby help the mission succeed. They are both aware that Rooster has taken the place that rightly belonged to Hangman, but by letting Rooster know that he has accepted that, Hangman gives Rooster permission to fully embrace his task without any need to second-guess his right to be there.

It’s fascinating to see how Hangman, who was written as the heir to the Iceman role from the original Top Gun, is such a Platonic ideal of an Alpha that he manages to surpass the iconic performance of his predecessor. And it’s extremely educational to observe how his verbal expressions of overt self-confidence in response to a compliment is the exact opposite of the way in which most women and low-status men react to compliments.

Never, ever, respond to any compliment, or even statement about you that could be taken as complimentary, by denying the compliment, correcting it, or questioning its validity. To do so is not only to denigrate the compliment as well as the person giving it, but it is literally an act of self-denigration. And regardless of whether your negative reaction is based in false modesty, genuine modesty, or simple social anxiety, it sends a very clear message to others about your low-SSH status.

Can you imagine this character saying “oh, no, I’m just trying to do my job.”

After all, an inability to handle compliments gracefully is a fairly reliable indicator of one’s unfamiliarity with them. This is not to say that non-Alphas should attempt to imitate Hangman’s extreme self-confidence, only that one should, at a bare minimum, practice being gracious in receiving compliments. A simple “thank you” or better yet, a sincere “thank you so much, it’s good to hear that” will go a long way toward signaling that you have a basic confidence in yourself, even if you feel that particular compliment is undeserved or is an exaggeration of your actual accomplishments.

The high-status individual expects to be excellent and expects that other people will, from time to time, recognize and appreciate that excellence. If you are actively denying the recognition and appreciation of your own abilities and accomplishments, you are sending a strong message that you are not excellent, you don’t believe in your own abilities, and any accomplishments you might have are nothing more than the result of accidents or coincidence.

And if you don’t seem to believe you can do it, why should anyone else?

Here is some reliable advice that everyone should be able to apply: if someone is talking you up for some reason, play along and let them do so. You don’t need to brag, boast, or even say anything at all. Just don’t qualify, correct, or deny anything that the other person happens to say, and remember, you are not responsible for anything that anyone else happens to say about you.

At the very least, shut up, smile, and be grateful that anyone has something, anything, good to say about you. Believe me, there are an awful lot more people that will gladly, even gleefully, say all sorts of bad things about you, whether they are true or not.