In my culture, people left their parent homes only for the following situations:
- Studying
- Work
- Marriage.
- Managed to own (not rent) his own home.
Until very recently, like, 20 years ago, single women who left their parent homes to live alone or with friends, unless it was for study reasons or work (and then it had to be serious professional work, not entry-level stuff) were seen with a little bit of suspicion. For men it was more ok, but there was not a lot of pressure for that, and everybody thought of them as players, thus, women that were looking for marriage, took care to not associate with them and become tainted.
Sometimes, in richer families, who lived in giant states or farms, it was not uncommon for kids to have their houses built in the same land or even live in the same mansion after married.
The main driver for things changing in my home country was because of American culture spread through Hollywood movies. The nuclear family thing only started around the 70s in the middle class, and it would take the 80s for it to become the statistical norm. But yet, we don't kick children out of home or expect them to pay rent if the household is not in need.
All the Indians I knew growing up lived at home as young adults, some for twenty years while they stacked money and built businesses/careers. Their parents thought parents who kicking the kids out at 18 was borderline psychopathic.
Didn’t affect the kids’ dating lives in the slightest, the parents would turn the Bollywood music radio up in the kitchen to give them a little privacy.
Hurts the heart to imagine how my nation could be if we were like Indians in that regard. Several of my friend’s parents kicked them out and rented their old room to a lodger and later Airbnb so they couldn’t even visit for a night.
Don’t mind me, just leaving some hate for the boomers throwing out their kids at 18 so they have to fight their way out of poverty and spend sometimes even decades just to achieve the normal life that was handed to the boomers.
Gen-xer here. When I went to live back home in my childhood bedroom for a year and a half after military service in order to save money for my first house, my boomer parents let me slide on the rent as long as I was saving up. And since this was probably all the inheritance I was getting, I took them up on their offer. They weren’t home most of the time anyway, so yes, I got some, or maybe a lot. Let’s just say that while their kitchen countertops might have looked the same to them when they got home, they didn’t look the same to me.
I eventually parlayed my “Boomer Inheritance” into a series of real estate transactions that ultimately involved me owning several multifamily homes in a now popular neighborhood in Brooklyn. Some 25 years later I just rented my for my former bachelor pad for over 6K per month.
For the younger generation men, here is my unsolicited advice. There is hope, just make sure you do everything in your power to make something happen. Most younger woman identify with prospects the same age as them ahead of older guys that might have a bit more. Take action on something long term even if you feel apprehensive about it. I survived 2001, 2007, 2020, and will survive the next one too. There is always a bright future ahead if you believe in yourself and, if you believe in yourself, the women will follow. And if they don’t follow long term, a few will end up in compromising positions on your kitchen counters tops.
Can affirm. My eldest son is staying with me now-he's 22, and using the opportunity to save. No rent, just shared costs as appropriate.
I benefit, since I travel for work, and I like having someone here while I'm gone. He obviously benefits, as his peers are paying 1k+ for one bedroom apts right now, money he gets to keep. I've told him his girlfriend and friends are always welcome-it's a pleasure having them visit.
Additionally, we're able to enjoy being adults together. We sit on the porch in the evening, and chat about everything. We hang out, go shooting, work on projects, etc.
I'm done "raising" him, but I still get to share life wisdom I've paid for. He appreciates it, as I try extremely hard to never preach.
All in all, if the space is there, I 10/10 recommend. We, as parents, should help our children, at every turn, to help themselves.
And-a side note. This homestead was placed in a trust years ago. It will never be sold-it's the family manse, tucked away in a quiet valley, for the benefit of my children, and their children.
A family should not have to start over at zero each generation. Proverbs 13:22.
That's awesome, Tom. What a blessing to you both to be able to spend such quality time together, build that bond, and continue to share your acquired wisdom with your son. God bless you both. This is how it should be done.
I'm of the gen X cohort who was a "reset to 0" kid. I survived, but I don't want that for my kids.
We Xers have a lot of flaws, but I am hopeful that we can give our kids what we never had, and start a new cycle, where each generation has a reason to continue, and a purpose to their legacy. No more resets.
As Teddy Roosevelt said-resources are to be amplified and handed down, enhanced, for the next generation.
For us, and for OUR posterity.
Thus, I truly despise the "die broke" crowd.
Trusts, inheritance, and generational legacies beat The Villages and solipsist geriatric hedonia hands down.
The whole out at 18 and jumping in to your own life was a blip for a couple generations. My eldest stayed with us till 26 stacked cash and left home with zero debt, car paid off, and a 25% down payment for her condo. The younger daughter is on a similar trajectory, and can stay with us indefinitely if needed. I understand this write up is directed more towards young men, but I'd do the same if I had sons. The world the current generation was handed is not the one I had to deal with.
What the hell difference does it make if somebody is living at home so long as everyone gets along, is contributing something of value, and building a future.
If you are actively contributing to help the cause how is this any different than having roommates? At least you know your family isn’t going to abandon you when the rent comes due. I think it also highlights that people really need to learn how to shop for housing. I just moved for work and got a 2 bedroom 2 bathroom apartment for $1475 a month in a suburb near Columbus Ohio. Most of the places that cost $4000 for a 2 bedroom apartment are turning into third world shit holes anyways. Actually forget I said that, go move to New York and stay out of Ohio!
There are a surprising number of rich people who have empty houses that are just waiting to be inhabited by a trustworthy young guy who keeps an eye on the place. Works best if you’re white.
If a woman is into you it doesn’t matter where you live. Was living in a slum, that was later condemned and flattened when I met the woman who became my wife. Later lived in my car for 6 months until the heat forced me to move into a place with two roommates. Bought into a low class coop apt later as it was cheaper than first/last/damage for a cheap apartment. It wasn’t until my engineering degree and salary that we afforded our first place. Made a fair profit on the coop. Then took advantage of the real estate boom bust cycle to move up.
See a lot of NEETs at our gym. Hopefully they are using the situation to better themselves financially.
What I wonder is, who is paying these prices? It is still a market, where supply and demand and willingness to buy at a certain asking price determines price levels, right? So who can afford this and keeps prices up?
I do a significant amount of sub contract work in the upper mid range home construction market. ranging from 450k to 600k where median individual income is around 60k
Mostly what we see in single family units are:
1. Out of state sellers who came from very high value areas putting large down payments or cash buys.
2. 50 year old plus couples on their third home with decades of equity and very low debt.
3. Fairly high earning couples who both work a lot and that's about all, usually 30-40 no children. Some cases the husband works and wife runs a small business out of the house while able to raise children also.
4. Occasional weird phantom purchases where the house is bought by some out of state buyer and it sits empty for a year plus.
Private equity firms buying up real estate, just as a rental investment for a portfolio, e.g. Blackrock, etc. Carol Roth wrote a book about this, titled, "You'll own nothing, and you will like it". Housing isn't as dire an issue where I'm from, but I really feel for people that live in high cost areas like NYC or San Fransisco. Luckily for me, I was able to buy starter homes in good areas with low cost, and able to invest some "sweat equity" to improve the value over time. Not everyone has that opportunity, as there isn't parity between salaries and COL in many areas. For instance, the poverty line in CA starts at $109k. Around here, that's a fortune.
My advice is: be shrewd, have a plan; short, medium and long term, and make steps toward that. Communication of that to a potential wife is an exellent idea from this post.
Simple exponential monetary growth/inflation over time creates this mess. History is filed with examples of this. Governments and bankers love it as they benefit from it. Everyone else pay the price Daniel Amerman, CFA site does an excellent job of detailing this effect in the US. Martin Armstrong’s site also details it from a global, national and historical perspectives. Sadly, it never ends nicely for most of us. But then, forewarned is forearmed.
That’s critical. If the parents aren’t typical venal boomer detritus, multigenerational living is also a path to keeping property in families multigenerationally. Replacing the pressuring them to leave model with an intelligent arrangement is also insurance against the day of the pillow.
In my culture, people left their parent homes only for the following situations:
- Studying
- Work
- Marriage.
- Managed to own (not rent) his own home.
Until very recently, like, 20 years ago, single women who left their parent homes to live alone or with friends, unless it was for study reasons or work (and then it had to be serious professional work, not entry-level stuff) were seen with a little bit of suspicion. For men it was more ok, but there was not a lot of pressure for that, and everybody thought of them as players, thus, women that were looking for marriage, took care to not associate with them and become tainted.
Sometimes, in richer families, who lived in giant states or farms, it was not uncommon for kids to have their houses built in the same land or even live in the same mansion after married.
The main driver for things changing in my home country was because of American culture spread through Hollywood movies. The nuclear family thing only started around the 70s in the middle class, and it would take the 80s for it to become the statistical norm. But yet, we don't kick children out of home or expect them to pay rent if the household is not in need.
All the Indians I knew growing up lived at home as young adults, some for twenty years while they stacked money and built businesses/careers. Their parents thought parents who kicking the kids out at 18 was borderline psychopathic.
Didn’t affect the kids’ dating lives in the slightest, the parents would turn the Bollywood music radio up in the kitchen to give them a little privacy.
Hurts the heart to imagine how my nation could be if we were like Indians in that regard. Several of my friend’s parents kicked them out and rented their old room to a lodger and later Airbnb so they couldn’t even visit for a night.
Don’t mind me, just leaving some hate for the boomers throwing out their kids at 18 so they have to fight their way out of poverty and spend sometimes even decades just to achieve the normal life that was handed to the boomers.
Gen-xer here. When I went to live back home in my childhood bedroom for a year and a half after military service in order to save money for my first house, my boomer parents let me slide on the rent as long as I was saving up. And since this was probably all the inheritance I was getting, I took them up on their offer. They weren’t home most of the time anyway, so yes, I got some, or maybe a lot. Let’s just say that while their kitchen countertops might have looked the same to them when they got home, they didn’t look the same to me.
I eventually parlayed my “Boomer Inheritance” into a series of real estate transactions that ultimately involved me owning several multifamily homes in a now popular neighborhood in Brooklyn. Some 25 years later I just rented my for my former bachelor pad for over 6K per month.
For the younger generation men, here is my unsolicited advice. There is hope, just make sure you do everything in your power to make something happen. Most younger woman identify with prospects the same age as them ahead of older guys that might have a bit more. Take action on something long term even if you feel apprehensive about it. I survived 2001, 2007, 2020, and will survive the next one too. There is always a bright future ahead if you believe in yourself and, if you believe in yourself, the women will follow. And if they don’t follow long term, a few will end up in compromising positions on your kitchen counters tops.
Great Gatspy era😂😂.
+1 for stories from the Great Vox Gatsby era.
Can affirm. My eldest son is staying with me now-he's 22, and using the opportunity to save. No rent, just shared costs as appropriate.
I benefit, since I travel for work, and I like having someone here while I'm gone. He obviously benefits, as his peers are paying 1k+ for one bedroom apts right now, money he gets to keep. I've told him his girlfriend and friends are always welcome-it's a pleasure having them visit.
Additionally, we're able to enjoy being adults together. We sit on the porch in the evening, and chat about everything. We hang out, go shooting, work on projects, etc.
I'm done "raising" him, but I still get to share life wisdom I've paid for. He appreciates it, as I try extremely hard to never preach.
All in all, if the space is there, I 10/10 recommend. We, as parents, should help our children, at every turn, to help themselves.
And-a side note. This homestead was placed in a trust years ago. It will never be sold-it's the family manse, tucked away in a quiet valley, for the benefit of my children, and their children.
A family should not have to start over at zero each generation. Proverbs 13:22.
That's awesome, Tom. What a blessing to you both to be able to spend such quality time together, build that bond, and continue to share your acquired wisdom with your son. God bless you both. This is how it should be done.
Thanks.
I'm of the gen X cohort who was a "reset to 0" kid. I survived, but I don't want that for my kids.
We Xers have a lot of flaws, but I am hopeful that we can give our kids what we never had, and start a new cycle, where each generation has a reason to continue, and a purpose to their legacy. No more resets.
As Teddy Roosevelt said-resources are to be amplified and handed down, enhanced, for the next generation.
For us, and for OUR posterity.
Thus, I truly despise the "die broke" crowd.
Trusts, inheritance, and generational legacies beat The Villages and solipsist geriatric hedonia hands down.
Exactly. It’s not a death sentence for your dating life. Who is more dateable?
Man 1. Lives at parents’ home because he has a good relationship with them and to save. Great career and positive attitude.
Man 2. Lives on his own because he moved out due to conflict with parents. Works minimum wage job he resents.
This isn’t a particularly close call.
The whole out at 18 and jumping in to your own life was a blip for a couple generations. My eldest stayed with us till 26 stacked cash and left home with zero debt, car paid off, and a 25% down payment for her condo. The younger daughter is on a similar trajectory, and can stay with us indefinitely if needed. I understand this write up is directed more towards young men, but I'd do the same if I had sons. The world the current generation was handed is not the one I had to deal with.
What the hell difference does it make if somebody is living at home so long as everyone gets along, is contributing something of value, and building a future.
Very true!
If you are actively contributing to help the cause how is this any different than having roommates? At least you know your family isn’t going to abandon you when the rent comes due. I think it also highlights that people really need to learn how to shop for housing. I just moved for work and got a 2 bedroom 2 bathroom apartment for $1475 a month in a suburb near Columbus Ohio. Most of the places that cost $4000 for a 2 bedroom apartment are turning into third world shit holes anyways. Actually forget I said that, go move to New York and stay out of Ohio!
There are a surprising number of rich people who have empty houses that are just waiting to be inhabited by a trustworthy young guy who keeps an eye on the place. Works best if you’re white.
If a woman is into you it doesn’t matter where you live. Was living in a slum, that was later condemned and flattened when I met the woman who became my wife. Later lived in my car for 6 months until the heat forced me to move into a place with two roommates. Bought into a low class coop apt later as it was cheaper than first/last/damage for a cheap apartment. It wasn’t until my engineering degree and salary that we afforded our first place. Made a fair profit on the coop. Then took advantage of the real estate boom bust cycle to move up.
See a lot of NEETs at our gym. Hopefully they are using the situation to better themselves financially.
The facts of the matter are, if you’re living in your parent’s house to save money, she probably is too.
What I wonder is, who is paying these prices? It is still a market, where supply and demand and willingness to buy at a certain asking price determines price levels, right? So who can afford this and keeps prices up?
I do a significant amount of sub contract work in the upper mid range home construction market. ranging from 450k to 600k where median individual income is around 60k
Mostly what we see in single family units are:
1. Out of state sellers who came from very high value areas putting large down payments or cash buys.
2. 50 year old plus couples on their third home with decades of equity and very low debt.
3. Fairly high earning couples who both work a lot and that's about all, usually 30-40 no children. Some cases the husband works and wife runs a small business out of the house while able to raise children also.
4. Occasional weird phantom purchases where the house is bought by some out of state buyer and it sits empty for a year plus.
Blackrock.
With the helping hand of a spendthrift government and their partner in crime, the Federal Reserve.
Inflation in not neutral, it transfer wealth from the working young to the older asset owners.
https://www.adamsmith.org/blog/the-cantillion-effect
Private equity firms buying up real estate, just as a rental investment for a portfolio, e.g. Blackrock, etc. Carol Roth wrote a book about this, titled, "You'll own nothing, and you will like it". Housing isn't as dire an issue where I'm from, but I really feel for people that live in high cost areas like NYC or San Fransisco. Luckily for me, I was able to buy starter homes in good areas with low cost, and able to invest some "sweat equity" to improve the value over time. Not everyone has that opportunity, as there isn't parity between salaries and COL in many areas. For instance, the poverty line in CA starts at $109k. Around here, that's a fortune.
My advice is: be shrewd, have a plan; short, medium and long term, and make steps toward that. Communication of that to a potential wife is an exellent idea from this post.
Simple exponential monetary growth/inflation over time creates this mess. History is filed with examples of this. Governments and bankers love it as they benefit from it. Everyone else pay the price Daniel Amerman, CFA site does an excellent job of detailing this effect in the US. Martin Armstrong’s site also details it from a global, national and historical perspectives. Sadly, it never ends nicely for most of us. But then, forewarned is forearmed.
“Have a good reason”
That’s critical. If the parents aren’t typical venal boomer detritus, multigenerational living is also a path to keeping property in families multigenerationally. Replacing the pressuring them to leave model with an intelligent arrangement is also insurance against the day of the pillow.