Learn to love silence instead of the sound of your own voice. I used to have that problem, but learned to keep my internal monologues internal. I didn't get it until my mid-20's, broke that bad habit out of my son by 9. I now work everyday with a guy that loves the sound of his voice and attention(only child), and now completely understand what I was doing to others now.
Fact check: trvke. My mother and her sister notoriously dont let anybody talk in family gatherings (including other females). I have mastered this style of zero interaction listening (but never thought about the fact that its even less interactive that giving some "hmms" back.
A recent new hire with a limited background in my field kept attempting to finish my sentences with incorrect assumptions about what was going on. I finally just told him flat out. "Look, you're going to have to stop. Save finishing other's sentences for your wife she'll find it a helluva lot cuter than I do."
Delta for sure
Above average intelligence/ambition and young so I'm hoping to impart some of what I've gleaned from this site on how he can better conduct himself at work.
Man, I wish I knew that way to shut people up earlier in life. The post is great for re-enforcing basic social dynamics, but that right there is a gem.
Sometimes, I really miss my time in subs. It was a very solid male hierarchy. There were no women on board, then. The program did well to develop & promote alphas and bravos. Most smart boi crap got hammered early, because nobody had time for that. Deltas' ideas of doing stuff a better way got chopped hard by strict procedural compliance. Solid Deltas made good petty officers and chiefs. And the few omegas that got through recruit training, rarely, if ever, made it through their first enlistment. The one omega officer I knew barely qualified, and got tossed out before his first term was complete.
Loved working with Bubbleheads. Plank owner, Captain of the America, was truly awesome, fantastic working with him in civilian life. Another was a former Commander, a Rickover approved officer, on a boomer, was also fantastic to work with and for. Only met one gamma wearing dolphins. Everyone else from the top to the bottom were top notch. Although the sense of humor….. being locked up underwater did tend to bring out some interesting personality humor quirks
The cramped nature of submarine service promotes excellent manners; the need for silence demands brevity, especially in the age of nuclear/steam propulsion, in which the loudest noise while underway is usually a voice conversation. If the propulsion system is louder, it's because the adversary already knows exactly where the submarine is.
With some particular persons, I find myself cutting them off often.
It feels like a timing issue, I don't get why I stumble through conversations with a few, but am usually fine.
Whenever I notice, I catch myself, apologize, and then insist they finish because I'm intentionally correcting myself and I find it very annoying behavior.
Talking slower also helps your speech by letting you add tone and lower pitch, which almost always makes you sound more serious, and more masculine. Over a decade ago, I did this consciously, for that reason and eventually it became a habit.
Plus, I find that when I slow down my speech, I can also slow down my mind, which gives me more bandwidth to read the other person better. Makes for much more pleasant conversations.
STFU is a superpower. I used to feel sorry for myself with my speech issues and realized that not being able to verbalize on occasion was a gift from God.
I have a client with a stutter, a Director, and a Data Scientist. He is such an effective listener that his subordinates coach their words around him — both in what they say and how they say it. Otherwise, he'll eat them for lunch with their own words.
The stupid questions are to throw the speaker off balance which is the thing that makes them look lower value. Say a nuclear submarine engineer was giving a lecture about the latest engine he designed, a gamma may butt in to say:
Gamma: "But are you sourcing the parts from China?
Engineer: "Uh, I'd have to look in that"
A weaker speaker would stumble their momentum and the gamma can smugly go on a tangent about Temu (a cheap chinese trinket importer) and steal the 'spotlight' of the conversation to 'elevate' themselves above the actually accomplished nuclear engineer. Gammas love to fill gaps in conversation in order to steer them towards themselves, as is the topic of today's post, so stupid questions are meant to be thought-terminating against the receiver.
I try to keep this in mind when I feel the temptation to pontificate.
"The prefix "con-" at the beginning of a word means "with" or "together... conversation is distinct from other forms of communication such as monologues, speeches, or written exchanges, as it emphasizes a mutual and dynamic exchange of ideas."
For me, the irresistible urge usually arises during discussions of central banking, fiat currency, bank credit creation, monetary inflation, interest rate policy, etc. A simultaneous significant increase in my blood pressure often also occurs at such times.
I guess it really depends on your audience. I wouldn't drop the subject entirely... lay out some crumbs, and see how many people bite. If few or nobody bites, then stay off the subject. It's really sad how most adults are utterly devoid of curiousity beyond professional sports (men) and who (is / might be / should be / shouldn't be) having sex with whom (women).
I think that damaged or overstressed types all devolve to the behaviors that characterize the types down the line as defense mechanisms. Alphas under stress start micromanaging (doing the bravo's role), bravos get hyperfocused on their personal tasks like a delta, deltas start doing smart boi stuff like gammas, gammas sulk and hide like omegas. I think omegas and lambdas are always damaged and overstressed. I don't have enough observations to predict what a sigma does.
Silence is always the answer to social problems for a man.
Found bored Alphas can also a problem. If everything is running smoothly, they anticipate future issues and begin reviewing previous recurring problems and start delving into root causes. Production program Alphas are very prone to doing this. Not always bad. Our bored Alpha attacked an old wave soldering machine yield issue that apparently randomly, very negatively affected production yield when it occurred. Drove the manufacturing team crazy with his investigation. However, he eventually identified an issue with maintenance of the wave soldering machine causing our ‘random’ yield issue. He went down 5 organizational level to research the issue. At times it was fun at staff meetings watching the manufacturing managers song and dance, bob and weave routine to avoid accountability on how they this missed this obvious in hindsight simple issue. The Alpha, being a blunt speaking former enlisted Marine who tolerated zero BS made it more entertaining. Mercy only existed in the dictionary.
It was the most profitable program in our division and in our larger group so he was allowed wide latitude, which he took. Success speaks for itself.
I don't think a sigma hides, instead he makes himself unavailable to others. They just don't want distractions and external burden while they are solving the problem by themselves. I believe sigmas do this because under stress they fear their own proclivity to destroy their relationships.
"I find the most effective way to get a chatterbox of either sex to slow their roll long enough to let me get a word in, if I feel there is any need for one, is to simply stare at them while they’re talking and refrain from making any noise at all. No “mm hmm”, no “yeah okay”, none of those little conversational encouragements that provide more fuel for the extended and repetitive replay. Even the most loquacious chatterbox seems to find a complete lack of response to be disconcerting enough to make them realize what they’re doing."
This is called the Grey Rock method. Bore and starve the fuck out of a parasite. People with high scores in agreeableness or anxiety don't do that instinctively or naturally. Yawning like a teenager during someone's speech is aggressive, but it is still attention. Any attention is reinforcing.
Learn to love silence instead of the sound of your own voice. I used to have that problem, but learned to keep my internal monologues internal. I didn't get it until my mid-20's, broke that bad habit out of my son by 9. I now work everyday with a guy that loves the sound of his voice and attention(only child), and now completely understand what I was doing to others now.
How does this apply to Bostonians or people from Jersy? My experience is they talk all over each other and this seems to be common practice?
There's a reason why not even born-and-raised natives of New York City like either group.
We have two ears but only one mouth, so a good leader will listen twice as much as he shouts.
Fact check: trvke. My mother and her sister notoriously dont let anybody talk in family gatherings (including other females). I have mastered this style of zero interaction listening (but never thought about the fact that its even less interactive that giving some "hmms" back.
A recent new hire with a limited background in my field kept attempting to finish my sentences with incorrect assumptions about what was going on. I finally just told him flat out. "Look, you're going to have to stop. Save finishing other's sentences for your wife she'll find it a helluva lot cuter than I do."
Delta for sure
Above average intelligence/ambition and young so I'm hoping to impart some of what I've gleaned from this site on how he can better conduct himself at work.
He seems to be getting it, but we'll see.
Man, I wish I knew that way to shut people up earlier in life. The post is great for re-enforcing basic social dynamics, but that right there is a gem.
You had me at nuclear submarine engineer.
Sometimes, I really miss my time in subs. It was a very solid male hierarchy. There were no women on board, then. The program did well to develop & promote alphas and bravos. Most smart boi crap got hammered early, because nobody had time for that. Deltas' ideas of doing stuff a better way got chopped hard by strict procedural compliance. Solid Deltas made good petty officers and chiefs. And the few omegas that got through recruit training, rarely, if ever, made it through their first enlistment. The one omega officer I knew barely qualified, and got tossed out before his first term was complete.
Loved working with Bubbleheads. Plank owner, Captain of the America, was truly awesome, fantastic working with him in civilian life. Another was a former Commander, a Rickover approved officer, on a boomer, was also fantastic to work with and for. Only met one gamma wearing dolphins. Everyone else from the top to the bottom were top notch. Although the sense of humor….. being locked up underwater did tend to bring out some interesting personality humor quirks
The cramped nature of submarine service promotes excellent manners; the need for silence demands brevity, especially in the age of nuclear/steam propulsion, in which the loudest noise while underway is usually a voice conversation. If the propulsion system is louder, it's because the adversary already knows exactly where the submarine is.
With some particular persons, I find myself cutting them off often.
It feels like a timing issue, I don't get why I stumble through conversations with a few, but am usually fine.
Whenever I notice, I catch myself, apologize, and then insist they finish because I'm intentionally correcting myself and I find it very annoying behavior.
Talking slower also helps your speech by letting you add tone and lower pitch, which almost always makes you sound more serious, and more masculine. Over a decade ago, I did this consciously, for that reason and eventually it became a habit.
Plus, I find that when I slow down my speech, I can also slow down my mind, which gives me more bandwidth to read the other person better. Makes for much more pleasant conversations.
Slowing it down definitely helps. I've done the same thing.
The secret even to shutting the shutter box is to... shut up. Biblical advice indeed.
"it’s merely a lack of self-control combined with narcissism or a lack of empathy"
Empathy seems crucial to increase the SSH rank for the low Deltas - for the engineer even having sympathy would be improvement.
STFU is a superpower. I used to feel sorry for myself with my speech issues and realized that not being able to verbalize on occasion was a gift from God.
I have a client with a stutter, a Director, and a Data Scientist. He is such an effective listener that his subordinates coach their words around him — both in what they say and how they say it. Otherwise, he'll eat them for lunch with their own words.
He is my favorite client.
"Let the one with the cleanest internet history throw the first stone."
I made a friend of mine laugh, and he told me he would use that in a sermon someday.
Many guys are also retarded in conversations, they always go to into mode on how to fix the issue as they see fit.
But a discourse is an exchange of ideas, meeting of the minds to arrive at the truth
So when Gamma asks stupid questions, he's looking for you to correct him so he can lower your value?
The stupid questions are to throw the speaker off balance which is the thing that makes them look lower value. Say a nuclear submarine engineer was giving a lecture about the latest engine he designed, a gamma may butt in to say:
Gamma: "But are you sourcing the parts from China?
Engineer: "Uh, I'd have to look in that"
A weaker speaker would stumble their momentum and the gamma can smugly go on a tangent about Temu (a cheap chinese trinket importer) and steal the 'spotlight' of the conversation to 'elevate' themselves above the actually accomplished nuclear engineer. Gammas love to fill gaps in conversation in order to steer them towards themselves, as is the topic of today's post, so stupid questions are meant to be thought-terminating against the receiver.
Clever retardery is still retardery. I wish Gammas would get that.
I try to keep this in mind when I feel the temptation to pontificate.
"The prefix "con-" at the beginning of a word means "with" or "together... conversation is distinct from other forms of communication such as monologues, speeches, or written exchanges, as it emphasizes a mutual and dynamic exchange of ideas."
For me, the irresistible urge usually arises during discussions of central banking, fiat currency, bank credit creation, monetary inflation, interest rate policy, etc. A simultaneous significant increase in my blood pressure often also occurs at such times.
So now that you have identified the subjects which cause irresistible urges, what do you do bout it?
Accept the fact the macro economy is out of my control and redirect my focus the local micro economy.
I guess it really depends on your audience. I wouldn't drop the subject entirely... lay out some crumbs, and see how many people bite. If few or nobody bites, then stay off the subject. It's really sad how most adults are utterly devoid of curiousity beyond professional sports (men) and who (is / might be / should be / shouldn't be) having sex with whom (women).
I think that damaged or overstressed types all devolve to the behaviors that characterize the types down the line as defense mechanisms. Alphas under stress start micromanaging (doing the bravo's role), bravos get hyperfocused on their personal tasks like a delta, deltas start doing smart boi stuff like gammas, gammas sulk and hide like omegas. I think omegas and lambdas are always damaged and overstressed. I don't have enough observations to predict what a sigma does.
Silence is always the answer to social problems for a man.
If an omega downshifts do they become train wrecks?
Alphas under stress start micromanaging…
Found bored Alphas can also a problem. If everything is running smoothly, they anticipate future issues and begin reviewing previous recurring problems and start delving into root causes. Production program Alphas are very prone to doing this. Not always bad. Our bored Alpha attacked an old wave soldering machine yield issue that apparently randomly, very negatively affected production yield when it occurred. Drove the manufacturing team crazy with his investigation. However, he eventually identified an issue with maintenance of the wave soldering machine causing our ‘random’ yield issue. He went down 5 organizational level to research the issue. At times it was fun at staff meetings watching the manufacturing managers song and dance, bob and weave routine to avoid accountability on how they this missed this obvious in hindsight simple issue. The Alpha, being a blunt speaking former enlisted Marine who tolerated zero BS made it more entertaining. Mercy only existed in the dictionary.
It was the most profitable program in our division and in our larger group so he was allowed wide latitude, which he took. Success speaks for itself.
Sigmas withdraw and hide like Omegas, but without the sulking.
I don't think a sigma hides, instead he makes himself unavailable to others. They just don't want distractions and external burden while they are solving the problem by themselves. I believe sigmas do this because under stress they fear their own proclivity to destroy their relationships.
"I find the most effective way to get a chatterbox of either sex to slow their roll long enough to let me get a word in, if I feel there is any need for one, is to simply stare at them while they’re talking and refrain from making any noise at all. No “mm hmm”, no “yeah okay”, none of those little conversational encouragements that provide more fuel for the extended and repetitive replay. Even the most loquacious chatterbox seems to find a complete lack of response to be disconcerting enough to make them realize what they’re doing."
This is called the Grey Rock method. Bore and starve the fuck out of a parasite. People with high scores in agreeableness or anxiety don't do that instinctively or naturally. Yawning like a teenager during someone's speech is aggressive, but it is still attention. Any attention is reinforcing.