What should one do if one has gotten themselves in the situation where a wife is 95% critic and 5% cheerleader? (e.g. it's at the point where I don't want to have conversations with anyone when she's around because the drive back from the event will consist of explanations of things I "should" and "should not" have said, to the point where I've had to keep myself from saying "okay then, you can sub in for my conversations.")
I would ask her if she would like you to return the favor. Whether she agrees or not, start keeping track of things to criticize and drop one on her every time she drops one on you. Then tell her that you will speak for yourself, and when you want her advice, you will ask for it.
You can't reason a woman out of these things. You have to make it less pleasant for her than not criticizing you is.
And if she decides its something to fight over, don't back down. Whether you realize it or not, she's bullying you.
Husband your wife into your vision of what a wife should be like. Not First Critic, but Head Cheerleader.
Redirect critique session into seeing the positives. "Yes, and what went well tonight?" Develop your vision of the future and how she will fit into it as a Positive Person.
Early results will probably be a small shift like 90% critic and 10% cheerleader, but long term investment will change the dynamic. She probably will always be critical, but she acts like this to you because you allow it; you get what you tolerate. You're the rock that she conforms to. Firmly push her towards what you want.
Christians used to know this. In the catechism of the Catholic Church which hardly any relatavist churchian reads any more, it states that the principal duty of a Christian wife is to make her husband happy, and that the divine positive law makes it her duty to God to honor and obey her husband. When the angel warned Joseph to take his family to Egypt to protect Jesus, he didn’t go to Mary to give the message. And if Mary had argued instead of believing Joseph and supporting his “crazy” plan, you would never have had the Messiah live long enough to carry out His mission.
Call me what you will, I prefer them dressing more modestly - long dress and long hair.
Of course I agree with the spirit of the post - in the old school garage gym where we lift weights we don't hang pictures of girls in majestic dresses.
I achieved official Girlfriend Status with my husband when cheering him on at a game. It was caught on video and that video was how he told his parents about me.
My mother always and has always supported my father. One day when I was old enough to understand, I asked my mom about what my dad did. She was literally crying with gratitude when she was describing all that he had done for our family.
My dad stood at the top of his field for well over a decade before he retired. My dad is plenty incredible, but I imagine he couldn’t do anything but excel with the level of support my mom gave him.
Bro, this is by far the most important post you’ve ever made, germane to the dynamic in relationships between men and women. Got two exes that never comprehended this concept. Men will go thru the fires of hell and back, then back again, if they have someone who believes in them. A good leader will inspire those who don’t believe in themselves. A good woman can very easily inspire her man to attempt the unthinkable.
This is true; and I believe that it was twenty of so years ago, on your blog, before you began assigning member numbers, I commented on the positive energy of the male-female bond which enables the man to achieve greater things than he would under his own steam.
As a single, seventy- six year old artist, I can attest to to the presence and absence of that energy.
One of my best paintings was done under the remembrance of a female friend nearly thirty years after she married and moved away. It was done quickly; she saw it on Facebook; and bought it at once. It looks like her, but it is not a portrait: it is an instantaneous reaction to Picasso's "Young Girl in a (blue) Veil."
I understood it to be a reference to the Virgin; but I also recognized its connection to the classical portrayal of Eros and Love/Charity ( a Renaissance painting of two female figures, one in blue, the other in red, sitting on each end of what looks like a sepulcher.
There's so much crap that men have to put up with and go through in their day to day life, both work and home. It's our job as women to help give them a good reason for putting up with it all, to cheer them on and remind them of the good in life.
I can't fully fathom the mental load men bear, but knowing how overwhelmed I feel with caretaking a parent and keeping a household running, my biggest advice to women is: BE GRATEFUL and BE KIND. Nobody wants to deal with a world full of idiots and jerks, then come home to a bitchy, complaining woman. Women have their own trials and stresses in day to day life, but it would be soooo much worse if men weren't bearing the brunt of it for us in the outside world.
One only has to work a short while in customer service to realize the sheer amount of idiocy and retardery that's out there. It's a great reminder for why one should appreciate staying at home with one's kids.
If she doesn't do this - or does it sometimes, but not as much as you would like - AND you think that she has the desire to learn how to be a better wife, yes. Most women today are not taught how to be good wives; she might just not know.
This is such a great visualization of the concept. It's TOUGH to be around women who constantly belittle the men in their lives. It's so energizing to be around women who love their men. Theres a woman I idolize and she gushes and blushes about her husband and its so cute to see a wife have a full on crush on her husband of two decades.
Would SoulSigma consider a cover of Cheerleader by OMI? I loved that song and would love to see it reconceptualized.
Strangely, since it happened so slowly as to be invisible, my close social circles have cut out any couple where the woman chops down her man or even chops down men in general. I'm told the two groups have bifurcated to the point where you're in the man-haters circle or the man-respecter so watch out for your girl's friend's opinions.
One of my teammates from high school is a long snapper in the NFL. Several practice squad stints, being released and resigned every two weeks, XFL contract canceled because of covid suspending operations, etc....
Ended up signing a 1 year deal as a starting long snapper for a team whose practice squad he'd been on and off. Married a 10 who might be the world's best cheerleader: shirts and purses and every accessory you can think of with his name/number on them, constantly cheering him on in every way possible.
He recently signed a multi-year extension with his team.
What should one do if one has gotten themselves in the situation where a wife is 95% critic and 5% cheerleader? (e.g. it's at the point where I don't want to have conversations with anyone when she's around because the drive back from the event will consist of explanations of things I "should" and "should not" have said, to the point where I've had to keep myself from saying "okay then, you can sub in for my conversations.")
I would ask her if she would like you to return the favor. Whether she agrees or not, start keeping track of things to criticize and drop one on her every time she drops one on you. Then tell her that you will speak for yourself, and when you want her advice, you will ask for it.
You can't reason a woman out of these things. You have to make it less pleasant for her than not criticizing you is.
And if she decides its something to fight over, don't back down. Whether you realize it or not, she's bullying you.
Husband your wife into your vision of what a wife should be like. Not First Critic, but Head Cheerleader.
Redirect critique session into seeing the positives. "Yes, and what went well tonight?" Develop your vision of the future and how she will fit into it as a Positive Person.
Early results will probably be a small shift like 90% critic and 10% cheerleader, but long term investment will change the dynamic. She probably will always be critical, but she acts like this to you because you allow it; you get what you tolerate. You're the rock that she conforms to. Firmly push her towards what you want.
Christians used to know this. In the catechism of the Catholic Church which hardly any relatavist churchian reads any more, it states that the principal duty of a Christian wife is to make her husband happy, and that the divine positive law makes it her duty to God to honor and obey her husband. When the angel warned Joseph to take his family to Egypt to protect Jesus, he didn’t go to Mary to give the message. And if Mary had argued instead of believing Joseph and supporting his “crazy” plan, you would never have had the Messiah live long enough to carry out His mission.
I praised my husband for how far he’d come after the first year of his new job, soon after he asked for and received a raise.
Can I send this to my S.O.?
Soneone asked the same thing earlier and I echo the reply they were given : it depends on the context in which it you send it.
I decided discretion is the better part of not having a fight.
Call me what you will, I prefer them dressing more modestly - long dress and long hair.
Of course I agree with the spirit of the post - in the old school garage gym where we lift weights we don't hang pictures of girls in majestic dresses.
I'm just saying, we should, ideally, we should...
You would probably prefer Mari in the comic.
Best piece you ever wrote, Vox.
I achieved official Girlfriend Status with my husband when cheering him on at a game. It was caught on video and that video was how he told his parents about me.
My mother always and has always supported my father. One day when I was old enough to understand, I asked my mom about what my dad did. She was literally crying with gratitude when she was describing all that he had done for our family.
My dad stood at the top of his field for well over a decade before he retired. My dad is plenty incredible, but I imagine he couldn’t do anything but excel with the level of support my mom gave him.
Bro, this is by far the most important post you’ve ever made, germane to the dynamic in relationships between men and women. Got two exes that never comprehended this concept. Men will go thru the fires of hell and back, then back again, if they have someone who believes in them. A good leader will inspire those who don’t believe in themselves. A good woman can very easily inspire her man to attempt the unthinkable.
This is true; and I believe that it was twenty of so years ago, on your blog, before you began assigning member numbers, I commented on the positive energy of the male-female bond which enables the man to achieve greater things than he would under his own steam.
As a single, seventy- six year old artist, I can attest to to the presence and absence of that energy.
One of my best paintings was done under the remembrance of a female friend nearly thirty years after she married and moved away. It was done quickly; she saw it on Facebook; and bought it at once. It looks like her, but it is not a portrait: it is an instantaneous reaction to Picasso's "Young Girl in a (blue) Veil."
I understood it to be a reference to the Virgin; but I also recognized its connection to the classical portrayal of Eros and Love/Charity ( a Renaissance painting of two female figures, one in blue, the other in red, sitting on each end of what looks like a sepulcher.
It's such a good feeling when my husband looks in my direction and sings along when this song comes on the radio.
https://youtu.be/jGflUbPQfW8?si=MC2gfiF12EfZ9__T
There's so much crap that men have to put up with and go through in their day to day life, both work and home. It's our job as women to help give them a good reason for putting up with it all, to cheer them on and remind them of the good in life.
I can't fully fathom the mental load men bear, but knowing how overwhelmed I feel with caretaking a parent and keeping a household running, my biggest advice to women is: BE GRATEFUL and BE KIND. Nobody wants to deal with a world full of idiots and jerks, then come home to a bitchy, complaining woman. Women have their own trials and stresses in day to day life, but it would be soooo much worse if men weren't bearing the brunt of it for us in the outside world.
One only has to work a short while in customer service to realize the sheer amount of idiocy and retardery that's out there. It's a great reminder for why one should appreciate staying at home with one's kids.
What customer service, just drive around in traffic.
Should I share this with my wife?
If she doesn't do this - or does it sometimes, but not as much as you would like - AND you think that she has the desire to learn how to be a better wife, yes. Most women today are not taught how to be good wives; she might just not know.
If she's a nag & you're trying to make a dig at her, no. If she's a cheerleader, & you're praising her, sure. Otherwise, no, IMO.
There's also "letting her find it."
This also applies to mothers interacting with their boys.
This is such a great visualization of the concept. It's TOUGH to be around women who constantly belittle the men in their lives. It's so energizing to be around women who love their men. Theres a woman I idolize and she gushes and blushes about her husband and its so cute to see a wife have a full on crush on her husband of two decades.
Would SoulSigma consider a cover of Cheerleader by OMI? I loved that song and would love to see it reconceptualized.
Strangely, since it happened so slowly as to be invisible, my close social circles have cut out any couple where the woman chops down her man or even chops down men in general. I'm told the two groups have bifurcated to the point where you're in the man-haters circle or the man-respecter so watch out for your girl's friend's opinions.
Why do you think there are unmarried women?
If she doesn't love men, she doesn't get picked for marriage. Men want to marry. When he meets the right kind of woman.
No, Soulsigma doesn't do covers, only originals.
That tracks. Thanks!
One of my teammates from high school is a long snapper in the NFL. Several practice squad stints, being released and resigned every two weeks, XFL contract canceled because of covid suspending operations, etc....
Ended up signing a 1 year deal as a starting long snapper for a team whose practice squad he'd been on and off. Married a 10 who might be the world's best cheerleader: shirts and purses and every accessory you can think of with his name/number on them, constantly cheering him on in every way possible.
He recently signed a multi-year extension with his team.
Ainsley in "Landman" is going to be that woman. Her momma for all her faults raised her right in that regard.