Always Do Background Checks

The wicked never cease attempting to infiltrate and destroy

The wicked love to tell you what they do. Prepare yourselves and your organizations accordingly. In this case, a proud SJW boasts about how her evil niece successfully infiltrated and subverted a company called ULINE.

My niece works for a company in the Midwest known for their shipping and packing supplies. They are privately owned and very conservative, donating lots of money to Republican causes and candidates.

They have strict rules on employee appearance, with men having to wear a tie and women must wear pantyhose and skirts. There can be no visible tattoos, single ear piercings on women only and no other facial piercings. Desks can only have a single family photo (pets don’t count).

My niece had a marketing degree and was looking for a job. She identifies as nonbinary, had a rainbow flag tattoo on her forearm and a nose piercing. She knew about what they were like but the pay was good so she removed the stud from her nose, wore long sleeves to the interview and got the job.

While working there she did what she could to make the world a better place. When setting up photo shoots for the catalog she made sure that the people used were diverse where before they had been whiter than mayo on Wonder bread. She steered printing and supply contracts to minority or LGBTQ owned companies wherever she could. She managed to get some of her LGBTQ friends hired in various departments. She also worked with a group that was staging a pro-choice rally to get them to print up placards on cardboard from the company’s boxes so you’d see their logo on the back of the sign, making it look like they were implicitly supporting the cause.

At her desk she knew she could only have one family photo so she made it worthwhile. She took a photo from a family reunion with about 30 people in it and did some photoshopping. In the back row she included Bill and Hilary, Joe Biden and Obama.

Eventually she got a new job offer and put in her 2 week notice. She got permission to have someone help her take her belongings home. Her boss arranged a farewell party.

That Friday my niece showed up in ripped up jeans and a Melissa Etheridge T-shirt. She had her head half shaved and the remaining hair was purple. She had extra earrings in each ear and a ring in her nose. Her rainbow tattoo was very prominent. And she brought her partner, a woman who purposely “butched” up her appearance with flannel shirt, Doc Martin boots, etc. In other words they looked like what conservatives pictured when they thought of lesbians.

They pulled everything from the desk drawers, loaded them in boxes and headed to the break room. When they walked through the door the noise stopped. My niece said you expected to hear a record scratch. Her manager stumbled out a mumbled good luck. My niece’s partner turned to my niece and said, “It’s so sweet that they like you so much,” and planted a big kiss on her lips.

Shortly after my niece got emails from former coworkers saying they couldn’t believe how ballsy she was and that they wished they had the guts to do something like that. My niece told them about the contracts and photos and they promised to keep up the good work.

Update: 1) calling my NB niece “her”. She very briefly went by “they/them” but said it just didn’t feel natural. She told me that I can use “they” if she ever develops additional personalities. 2) why did she take the job knowing what they were like? She had just graduated college and needed a job. It was entry level and paid well so she could live on her own and still be able to pay student loans. She thought they were stuffy and old fashioned but didn’t think the piercing and tattoo rule was too outrageous and she could live with it. She actually worked there for 6 years. 3) steering purchasing to minority owned companies.

Those who call good evil and evil good can never be trusted in any way, shape, or form. They are essentially snakes in human form.

The lesson here: always check social media for all prospective new hires and periodically review the social media of existing employees, don’t hire any woman who wears long sleeves to an interview, and learn what a facial piercing looks like when the jewelry isn’t in.

Note that the company already has some subversives in it; if I were a ULINE executive, I’d have those friends and employees promising to “keep up the good work” hunted down and fired.