You're Neither a Beaver nor a Bluebird

The never-ending retardery of the narcissists

On UATV, I do a thrice-weekly or so livestream called the Darkstream. While we occasionally discuss SSH-related topics, the Darkstream is usually more devoted to my take on current events, with occasional forays into music, sports, and game design. You can see the catalog here if you’re interested, but you’ll have to subscribe if you wish to watch the videos.

About once a month, I do a Stupid Question Day. Some of the questions are intelligent and relevant, some of them are intentionally banal, and some of them are truly, jaw-droppingly retarded. As one longtime reader commented, he particularly enjoys the moments that he can see the pain in my eyes when I’m forced to once more confront the terrible reality of the extents to which human retardery can reach.

A number of readers apparently enjoyed the scenarios in which various SSH responses to a specific situation were envisioned and asked if I would provide more of these scenarios. To which my response was instinctively negative, because, as always, the same sort of inveterate narcissists whose relentless focus on themselves inspired me to shut down Alpha Game couldn’t help but seize the opportunity to publicly proclaim that a theoretical response to a hypothetical scenario was conclusive evidence of their own high-SSH status, or just to ask ludicrously stupid questions.

A few examples:

• By this example I’m 100% Sigma. When I first got together with my wife she had a terrible temper and would throw all these insults and accusations and more. Within a year I had completely broken her of these terrible emotional attacks. I retrained to not let herself become out of her mind emotionally angry. I got her to the point she would approach me and first tell me how she was emotionally upset and how it was completely illogical it was. Then she would either tell me directly what the real issue was or ask me to help her figure out what the real issue was. Her family was completely amazed I had tamed her often violent temper. As I cannot self define what I am I have no idea if others would see me as Sigma. It’s nothing I worry about but it is an interesting thought.

• Huh, I fit the Bravo category on both of these examples. Of course, that alone doesn't imply I'm a Bravo. But it's nice to know I definitely rise past the low/mid Delta in situations like these.

• I have notoriously not recognized higher up management at the office. The first instance was a district manager who was introduced to everyone when I was out of office. I asked him who he was a few weeks later as I never saw him in the district manager’s office and legitimately had no idea what he was doing talking to everyone in the office. He was completely dumbfounded that I had missed the memo. “Umm, uhh, I am your boss’s boss”. Me: “Oh…” It really bothered him. He was not even a little bit competent. It is commonly believed that he was near retarded. The second was similar. I saw a man I did not know fixing the TV in the weight room. I asked if he was new in maintenance. He took it easier and immediately responded casually that he was district manager and was doing a favor for one of the other managers. Didn’t phase him at all.

• My pastor tells men to say “calm down” to their wives if they are being crazy and then tells the man to leave the room if his wife wont calm down. Would that likely make him a sigma?

Now, here is the point that appears to escape the narcissistic. The SSH ranks are PATTERNS OF BEHAVIOR. A pattern of behavior is a large set of behaviors that are consistent over a period of time that consists of years, not months, weeks, or days. Therefore, any one decision, action, or bon mot is totally incapable, in itself, of providing any significant evidence of anything, let alone conclusively establishing one’s SSH rank.

The fact that you once whistled a song does not make you a bluebird. The fact that you once cut down a tree does not make you a beaver. And the fact that you went sailing a few times on the bay does not make you a buccaneer, let alone Blackbeard the pirate.

I think I just might be a beaver.

This really is not a difficult concept.

And for the Nth time, unless everyone naturally assumes you are a top dog Alpha male who habitually is involved with spectacular women, you are not even close to being a Sigma. I have a heartbreakingly beautiful wife, a wife who was so pretty at her peak that people who didn’t like me literally insisted, for years, that she couldn’t possibly exist just because they didn’t want to believe a woman that attractive could possibly marry me.

For years I read a blog by Vox Day, but to be honest, I had my concerns about the man. I thought it was weird that he pretended to have an attractive wife. Why do this?  John Scalzi, one of Vox Day's haters, had convinced me and others that Vox's wife did not exist.  As Vox did not post pictures of his wife, I took Scalzi at his word that @spacebunnyday was a sock puppet. I learned a valuable lesson about John Scalzi. He's a con man… I investigated the facts for myself. Vox Day's wife is real, and she's real cool.

And you don’t just “luck into” marrying a top-tier woman, “lol.” Most high-status men with high-status wives have previously been involved with similarly attractive women; in most cases the wife is the woman who was most willing to go all-in with the man, or has a more compatible personality. If a high-status man is wise enough to choose well, he does not simply select the most purely attractive option that was available to him.

So in addition to the behavioral patterns being consistent over a series of years, if you can’t point to an observable series of 9-10 women, then you obviously aren’t dealing with an Alpha or a Sigma. A single piece of advice offered to other men is not indicative of anything, and to imagine it might be is to make a fundamental category error.

Fortunately, most of the regular readers here were able to recognize and call out this narcissistic retardery, even if some of them - such as my HYPERGAMOUSE collaborator, Lacey - were less than entirely sympathetic to my plight.

• My new favorite thing about Sigma Game updates is picturing Vox sitting there, typing and muttering to himself. "My God I hate doing this.... these people... so many narcissists. Why. Why?"

• Man, don't do that. Notice how no one ever brags "by this example I'm 100% omega/gamma/delta"? These personal anecdotes are always used to support the fantasy one belongs to a high status rank. By all means, if you really think your story is relevant to the topic, try presenting it as if it was about a friend or somebody you used to know.

• Its funny because with the incessant inquiry what you almost always have is a horde of Gammas and Deltas asking what profile they are, when its obvious to everyone else.

• The comments below such posts are gold. 70 % fan fiction. "My wife once nagged me about not having mown the lawn. I just told her 'Shut up and get me a beer!'. That turned her on in a way that made her drop her pants immediately and we did it five times in a row on the kitchen table. Afterwards I drove to my girlfriend. I think I am some strange mix of Alpha and Sigma."

• For just £1/$50 American i give you paper 'ALPHA CERTIFICATE' it confirm alpha statuses. Put on wall, put on desk in works, pin to forehead...NO ONE in big success future doubt you STATUS. Friend..Colleague in works..Lady womans...MANY IMPRESSED

Anyhow, we’re never going to cure the narcissists of their narcissism, as this Gamma’s response to being called out by the readership not only demonstrates, but helpfully explains why I don’t hesitate to eliminate Gammas from the discourse on sight.

Of course I made it about myself ! Why would I be interested in contemplating you? I certainly wish to learn from your ideas but that’s for my understanding of me. You mean as much to me as I do to you. Absolutely nothing.

I need to enhance my understanding of me. Nothing else matters.

That’s the important thing to understand. When someone tries to make anything and everything about themselves, they are telling you that no one and nothing else matters to them. So there is absolutely no reason to invest any time or energy into them.

But it is also true that we should not allow our efforts to be derailed by them, no matter how irritating and infuriating they might be.